A GOOD ONE

The cool breeze that swept the whole of my body made it way past my bed from the glass sliding door, to the door of my new room and went out the other sliding door in the dining room. The chill (and the beeping of my phone) woke me up with a long, satisfied smile on my face. I flipped my phone, read the text, flipped it close and put it next to my pillow. Slowly, I sat myself on my single bed and scratch my chest (don't even wonder)before putting on my shorts and t-shirt. With boulders attached to my feet I walked to the entrance lazily, opened the door and slid the gate. There they were. My brother, Edmund and Mellisa (now happily married)waiting for me to send them to work. Edmund will be taking the bullet and Mellisa is working as a kindergarten teacher now not far from the bullet station. So I drove them there.

Today was the second day I sent and picked them up. Yesterday, while waiting for Mellisa to come back from work, I treated my little brother with an ice cream and iced chocolate and that made his day (it was his first few days of school holidays btw). Later that night, we watched G-FORCE together while lying in front of the telly and he was memorizing the script.

I felt good spending time with my mom too, though she kept on saying I am smelly. hehehe. We talked about past, present and future, and she is quite happy with what I am going through. She just wanted whats best for me. I love you, Mom.

Every once in a while, I received text(s) and call(s) from my dear Mr. Zorro. For a typical-male-ego-type-of-guy, he sure is sweet.

Though I didn't do much for my 2-day break but I think I make full use of it with my family! I have to say, its a good one.

ERM... PANAS (tone high pitch, expression excited)

Apa yang boleh dikata apabila kita rasa kita suke tapi sebenarnya kita tahu kita lebih dari itu?

Well, my friend, that is what (everyone agrees) we call DENIAL.

So, salah ke kalau kita menidakkan perasaan tu untuk beberapa ketika untuk menguji kejituan tujahan rasa cinta itu?

I have to say too much of it can actually kill it... Unless that is the whole IDEA...

ERM... PANAS (tone: high pitch, expression: excited)

SOOOO... That IS the whole IDEA?

dah tu?

I just DONT get you...

Ade jer yang paham... tapi tgk situasi laa... whether or not they want to understand or stay in denial...

Agreed!

ERM... PANAS (tone: high pitch, expression: excited)

ages ago....

Well, life is different now. Seriously it is. But there are things that stay the way they are since the beginning of time. And here are some of those:

24 on the forehead

I should wear a sign on my forehead saying that I am 24 and not some stupid Form 4 students who easily fall for you for a candy. So, I can push away underage idiots who try to hit on me... yerp... you read that rite.... and for no reason at all, I enjoy, very much, their attention - I do, really... sheesh... stop making faces people... hahaha...

Love hunter

I think I was way pass that but actually I am not. I hunt love these days but never actually feel ready to commit to it... I either disappear into thin air or just broke their hearts. But one thing I know for sure... I will not turn around again, no matter how sweet the words used to win me back again... (anna: dont say that I am denying my feeling to a certain someone, I am not denying it - tetibe kilat sambung menyambung cam taw2 jer aku menipu.... hahaha...) And yes, I still hunt love fashionably.

Bubbly

I really thought the bubbly-ness that I have will fade away... But it sticks to me like a mating couple of Limulus Polyphemus... Sheesh... No wonder boys love me... OOOPS... Repetitive statement...

Shopping

Wooo.... This is something that has never changed for like what 27 years of my life? I mean.... Yea, it means what it really means.... You get me? MAYBE... hahaha....

Well, I guess, the long silence was a bliss that gives me a very good span of time to think and get back on track with my life... Of course there are changes to be done, both majors and minors, but hey, I am adaptive to my surrounding, I can do this..

LOVE!
CHILL!!
BLISS!!!

Split second

"So," He put down his fork and knife, lifted his face a little, and looked straight into my eyes. He was in his casual look - jeans, sneakers, AX t-shirt on worked out biceps and six packs, spiky short hair and the best thing is, he doesn't seem his age. He's supposed to look like a father of a girl and someone's husband. He looks like just a year or two older than I am. His deep black eyes pierced mine that bring me back to reality. He was expecting an answer.

"It is hard for me to adjust to my new found title," I whispered.

"I can see that it is not that bad," he gestured to a small plastic bag on the chair.

"Well, I don't earn as much as you do. but I'll survived,"

"Talking about that, would you like to come and join us?" He sipped his red wine but his eyes never left mine.

"Join you as in leaving Malaysia?" I started not to like the idea of moving away.

"Yes, Martha. You know the drill especially in your situation rite now. You need something new to ease the pain," He said in that voice of his. Both concern and authoritative.

"But I like it here," I said. I recollected what happened of about 4 - 5 years back. he held my hands in his, with almost teary eyes. He was trying to say something. But he needed to gather his courage to speak something. I was petrified, it was the crowded airport and he was waiting for his flight. He didn't want to let go of my hands. In the background, I could hear the announcement of final call for his flight. and finally after what seemed to be an eternity, he said the line that will be in my head for the rest of my life - "I love you I do, no matter how hard I try to love other people, you will definitely have that special place in my heart til the end of time. Come with me to New Zealand. Lets start a new life," I was dumbstruck. I couldn't even move. He took in a deep breath, knowing how hard headed I can be. "If that the case... I'll be right beside you if you need just about anything. Name it and I'll try my best to get it for you," with that he hugged me and kissed my lips.

"Martha, are you quite here?" Startled, I knocked down my almost empty glass. But my reflects surprised me when there was not a drop of red wine on the white table cloth. "Sorry I startled you,"

"Its okay," I said. Smiled sheepishly at him and managed to look into his eyes.

"I want you to think about it," He said, trying to persuade me. Although I might already know your answer.

You should have just went for it....

The bullet was not empty but not too crowded at the same time. After a good few minutes of sitting side by side on the bench with hubs, the bullet let out eager passengers, some with Monday Blues look all over their face and soon enough Hub and I were slowly and patiently boarded the bullet - facing the other entrance as Hub would get off at the next station. The closing door shut the exterior noises and slid on the steel railway with appropriate speed.

Soon, the bullet slowed down and I looked at Hub, he has this adoring look in his eyes that all of the sudden gave me a great joy - there's something in his mind that is engineering something. The bullet stop to a halt. He reached for my hand, I kissed it as usual, and he kissed mine - the rule of equality hehehe. Then he said a hug - I hug him back. And then it clicked to me, he wanted to kiss me! but I was having doubts of him doing it and he seemed unsure of it. Then, he asked - "nak kiss," with pouting lips. I don't know where it came from, scanning my surrounding, I said no. BUT lord I wished he would have kissed me on the cheek! That will be so cute. smiling sigh.

The cute and adorable sunshine...

So as I was slouching in my seat, in front of the lappie in the office, I dragged the cursor and clicked on a box that was always ticked previously, led my eyes to read: invisible to everyone. With a short breath, I presumed what will happened in the next 5 minutes.

Dang! My premonition was imprecise. I dont even have to wait for 5 minutes it only take them 10 seconds to fill the entire screen with of about 6 to 7 yahoo messenger boxes. I skimmed and scanned through the boxes, reading the first few words they slammed into the boxes, I exhaled.

Some of them typed "hey cutie", "adory!!", and all the praises you can find there... I didn't reply to any of them. except for one box that caught my eyes... Her first few words were: rindu ur sunshine

Instantly, I wrote in the status section as The Missing A.... simply take away the last letter A from my name "Martha" and you get a name of a lunar crater. Thats how I feel - Just like a lunar crater.

She must have thought the same thing

Matsuda's black chic shirt fits me perfectly, my new pair of boots (which my hub gave me for my birthday), my long pants skinny fit and my lappie bag boosted my confidence trotting into an empty bullet (which rarely happened in the past) heading to the office across town. I settled, standing up - as I don't exercise as much these days only to realize I didn't bring my book with me. Great!! I am going to take in as much as possible the scenery around me - that means looking at other people.

As I was scanning my surrounding, the bullet stop to a halt at Joela Tech Station. Came in a throng of eager (some were sleep walking still) people into the tiny segment of the train. Among many people smelling brands of expensive perfume (I sprayed some generic perfume... LOL) one caught my eyes... and nose too. Trailing the lingering sweet scent of Britney Spears' latest Hidden Fantasy was a woman who soon settled next to me. I looked at her, wild long curls, a huge sunglasses, and black shirt with long pants and a pair of heels attached neatly to her body emphasize her aura of confidence.

Wait... I spoke to myself quietly, taking the side glance of the lady.

Hold on... My cheeks were beginning to filled with high intensity rush of blood.

God, she looks exactly like me, except for the glasses! The words uttered in my mind.

I looked at her, she looked at me, exchanging smiles and we did it. Involuntarily both of us started to move away from each other she moved to her left and I moved to my right and soon enough she was out of sight. I giggled alone. What a coincidence to start a lovely Monday!

The Family Gathering

Nervously, I walked slowly towards my uncle's room. He injured his leg in an accident. Seriously, it has been ages since I last talked to him. The mental picture you'll have in mind would have been in a form of an old man, white hair, glasses on, but he is not, really.

My uncle is at the age of 24, yup, the same age as mine. But the title comes from the family tree in which his father is my grandfather's cousin. Hence, his father is my grand uncle and he is my uncle. Complicated? Tell me that when I tried to understand my lineage at the age of 4. We literally grew up together. We went to the same primary school, and moved on to the same secondary school. But after high school, it was hard for us to take care of what we had as we went separate ways. We see each other once in awhile, formal functions like weddings and dinners but you can sorta feel the gap inflicted. And did I mention, he is kinda good looking too. I laughed off to that thought as I stepped into his room.

"Hey Martha," He said, chirpy as if expecting me, trying hard by slowly standing up to greet me. He extended his hand, I greeted it with a huge grin on my face and gave him a hug. He hugged me back. And then he started to breathe faster. I was like, erm, is he orgasm-ing ?

"I think you stepped on my broken foot," He said.

I laughed and sat on the bed. He too, half smiling and half in pain - you can't miss the expression, did the same. Without hesitation, I blurted it out.

"I am kinda afraid," I looked into his eyes. I have no one to turn to (although I practically talked to basically all my family members about this issue except for my mom but they don't face this situation altogether).

"Why?" He asked as he flipped open his lappie.

"Edmund is getting married, and I am not going to anytime soon," He started to pound the keys on the keyboard.

"And what's the problem?" He said calmly.

"People will start to ask me when will it be my time to get married,"I said.

"Hey chill. people will ask me more," Puzzled by his answer I looked at him.

"I am your uncle remember. People will definitely ask me that. But, if you are quite afraid to face the crowd tonight, stay on my side. I'll call a few friends to come so that you have your own crowd," He said, flipped close his lappie and moved to pick his phone from under the pillow.

In an instant, I felt safe and secure. I smiled for the first time in the duration of 6 hours.

menjawab tag Max J Potter

1) Bekas kekasih saya – banyak!! hahaha....

2) Saya sedang mendengar - lagu tema farm town application kat facebook

3) Mungkin saya patut – berhenti ape - ape yang patot saye berhenti...

4) Saya suka – maen.

5) Sahabat-sahabat saya – tak ramai, jadik saye perlu jage mereka sebaik mungkin...

6) Saya tak faham – macam mane nak pecah kan zarah proton dan elektron untuk menghasilkan satu tenaga yang lebih besar.

7) Saya kehilangan – banyak mase senggang saye! saye sangat tensi....

8) Ramai yang berkata – I am a lovable person...

9) Cinta itu adalah – penyeksaan bagi mereka yang tidak menghargai nya tetapi anugerah bagi yang menjaganya

10) Di suatu tempat, seseorang sedang – makan nasi... pasal saya sangat lapar skunk!

11) Saya akan cuba – bekerja dengan lebih keras!

12) Perkataan SELAMANYA membawa maksud – anak perempuan Pak Cik Selamat

13) Telefon bimbit saya – cantik! erm... z555i sony ericsson

14) Bila saya terjaga – saya tidak tidor

15) Saya paling meluat – menyelesaikan masalah hati!

16) Pesta/parti adalah – hari jadi saya kat lecka - lecka, bukit bintang, 26 june 2009! (8.30 malam)

17) Haiwan yang paling comel pernah saya temui – guinea pig! my jane....

18) Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan saya ialah – i live life to the fullest... so every day is....

19) Hari ini – Day 14 back counting to my birthday party!!

20) Malam ini saya akan – melakukan aktiviti physical!

21) Esok pula saya akan – kerja kat art class...

22) Saya betul-betul inginkan – vacation yang panjang dan lama!

23) Ketika anda lihat wajah anda di hadapan cermin pagi ini – saye serabai...

24) Pusat membeli-belah atau arked permainan – Shopping malls!!! i love to window shop...

25) Makanan Barat atau Jepun? – i eat just about everything... hahaha......

26) Bilik yang terang atau gelap? – a dark one.... baru laa best to sleep....

27) Makanan segera adalah – makanan yang tak berapa nak segera sebenarnya....

28) Ayat terakhir yang anda telah katakan pada seseorang – mane grapes awak mat arip?

29) Siapa yang anda ingin tag: semua followers saya: except Max.... kalau die wat agy... nanti die dah wat dua kali....

two months celebration.....

sucks....

And the Winner Is... Scorpion!

The three-day training was tiring. I didn't get enough sleep (woke up every half an hour to make sure that the participants are well taken care of), i ate less, and tell me I hate the long tedious sessions talking about the function of the language!

So, the hall was getting busier with people coming in, parents, VIPs, and you name it - and I looked like hell; I would describe it as heller then hell but then I realized I was just being a DQ. Chill ran down my spine as I saw 4 police officers came into the hall (as I still owe the government of about 700 bugs out of tickets!) but then ran through my guess list, and exhale the worries with great relief through my running nose...

I walked to the stage (or so called stage, Mrs. N. was being very stingy - and it is getting the nerves of everyone in 10 nano seconds every 5 minutes these days). I was wearing the company's t-shirt and my creative jeans with my name on it, in my 50 bugs sneakers I trotted confidently facing the crowd despite my sleeping mind - I repeat, my SLEEPING mind. As I started, I followed the items in the agenda smoothly. Then - over confidently I looked at the next item in the list, its the certificates giving ceremony, and okay after that the hampers (I made a mental note on my own).

Done with the certificates giving ceremony, we moved on - or so I thought. A cameraman of a newspaper, gushing up the stage and asked the participants to pose for the paper. And the VIPs were talking eagerly to the chairperson of the organization, and everything started to have life on their own. The hall was buzzing like a bee hives when everyone started to talk to each other. People walked from one end to the other. Kids were running around. I was panicky. The last item was prize giving ceremony. I hinted to the chairperson, and she said sorry, she didn't realized that there was another item in the list, she instructed the photographer to go back to his seat because there's another item. When everything was settled, I carried on with the event:

"Seterusnya, Majlis akan diteruskan dengan upacara penyampaian hadiah kepada para peserta bagi tiga kategori iaitu:

Kumpulan telematch terbaik,

Kumpulan Terbaik, dan

Persembahan Kumpulan Terbaik.


Pemenang bagi kumpulan telematch terbaik jatuh kepada: COBRA! (I passed the hamper to the chairperson for her to give it to the Officers of the MAyor's Office)

I was ready to announce the second title when I did something really stupid, I announced the winner, took the hamper from the table and saw the group leader came my direction and in split second gave away the present to the kid instead of the chairperson while announcing the winner is... Scorpion. Everyone laughed and my face was red!

The Beast

The beast clawed the flesh of the white feathered creature. A pool of blood on the pavement. The flesh was being ripped apart from the bones, the red eyes were dull, long time lost its shine. The whiskers of the beast tingled as it sensed the presence of three other being watching it savoring the blessing of the day.

The feathers were slowly falling apart - some were covered by blood, dripping as it was moving smoothly as the soft wind blew. The strangers kept standing there, looking at the cruelty of nature. The pink flesh was chewed to bits as the beast swallowed the meat with triumphant face.

"Kesian burung tu," said one of the boys.

"Kakak tak buat," I said involuntarily.

"Tau," they said in unison.

Smirking, I walked away from the cat that was eating the pigeon.

Ditched Songs, New Ones and The Sequences (Itinary)

27th May 2009

1) Mati Hidup Kembali - Butterfinggers

2) Save The Hero - Beyonce Knowles (Japan SE)

3) Only Hope - Mandy Moore OST A Walk To Remember

4) So Close - Jon Mclaughlin

5) Broken Strings - James Morrison Ft. Nelly Furtado

6) Remembrance - Britney Spears

7) Rapuh - Agnes Monica / youtube cover by Gamaliel

8) Lucky - Jason Mraz Ft. Colbie Calliet

9) Unfaithful - Rihana

10) You Belong To me - Jason Wade

11) Thinking of You - Katy Perry

12) Dan Sebenarnya - Yuna

13) Imperfect - US

dont feel like typing it down...

the video should say it all....

Bencinta

You know how difficult love is, you hate them and at the same time you love them too much it kills the very foundation of your trust of love...

Benarkan ku 'tuk berbicara...
Bicara terus ke hati mu... Hati mu...
Hati yang penuh rasa ragu
Jangan terus pergi
Tanpa mendengar ku
Mungkin mudah
Untuk kau terus berlalu
Nanti dulu
Berikanlah waktu
Untuk aku, untuk kamu

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Lidah kelu sedangkan aku
Mahu kau tahu
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Ke tepi lihat ku berlalu
Pasti itu yang terbaik untuk ku
Tiada lagi mahu ku tahu
Tentang hidup kamu
Tentang mati kamu
Aku tahu
Engkau tahu apa yang mata ku tahu
Apa yang kau tunggu
Mahu aku buka pintu?

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Sedang aku mahu kau tahu
Dengar kata ku
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Sakitnya aku
Membenci kamu
Sakit lagi mencintai mu
Dan aku pergi
Tapi kembali
Benci aku mencintai diri mu
Ku benci... Kamu
Ku cinta... Kamu

We both say

I don't really think it is just us, we think we are the cutest couple on the surface of the earth. Other people think of that too. We are hyper loving when the tide is okay. But we can be really rough in times when the tide is really high - tsunami like. But, the truth is, sometimes, the thought kills and shattered the things you believe in. Emotion.

Before 29th of May

In random order...

1) Rapuh - Agnes Monica / youtube cover by Gamaliel

2) Broken Strings - James Morrison Ft. Nelly Furtado

3) I Surrender - Celine Dion

4) Only Hope - Mandy Moore OST A Walk To Remember

5) Save The Hero - Beyonce Knowles (Japan SE)

6) Dan Sebenarnya - Yuna

7) You Belong To me - Jason Wade

8) Lucky - Jason Mraz Ft. Colbie Calliet

9) Mati Hidup Kembali - Butterfinggers

10) Remembrance - Britney Spears

11) True - Ryan Cabrera

12) Unfaithful - Rihana

Revision

My other sister, one that I don't expose much in the entries before, was told that I used to have a very basic keyboard class. So, as I was going through the routine of teaching the kids in the art class, I went to the gluing counter where she was petrified there to glue stuff. I acted as if I was thinking of helping her, touching the craft pieces, in-lined to be glued. She was stressed out. Sigh. I haven't had the chance to say anything, she flipped her straight, red hair and looked right into my eyes. "What do you want?" Aiza asked.

"Hehehe," I replied.

"Cepat laa cakap...," She said, but her face is nothing close to rage but it was more of curiousity.

"I teringat i ade keyboard lame, but the cable is broken. Do you know where is the nearest Yamaha Centre?" I asked.

"There is one at The Curve," she said. And I swear I could hear my other sister, ANNA, said, "There is one in Ampang Point,"

"I don't know you play keyboards," Aiza said, her face brightened.

"Once upon a time long time ago," I continued."Even if the thing is fixed I don't even remember how to play it or read the notes. I will definitely take 10 000 years to read the a line of music notes,"

"I can tutor you. No problem there," She said and I smiled.

SMSes...

People always asked me why I don't SMS them or initiate the conversation through texting. So hear are a few reasons that I have come up with:

1) I don't want to start an SMS only to be brushed off because they are busy or in the middle of a date or in a major preparation of a project, they promise to text you afterward, do you think they do? 10 percent of them do that the rest... Sigh... So why initiate? Let them initiate it first so you don't put much hopes on it.

2) You are super busy you forget. The next time you check your inbox is when it reaches 95%. Only then you realize that this person said your pay is in and you haven't even collect the cheque to cash it IF you don't erase the SMSes in bulk like : Delete all read messages.

3) IF you have a secret lover (yea2 whatever) and you are afraid to be found out, the best thing to do is not to initiate. Let them come find you. Or you can always initiate the end a.k.a the one time SMS only: "MY bf is here with me. CAN'T text rite now. DO NOT reply, I repeat: DO NOT reply this SMS.

4) They don't prioritize you, so why should you?

5) Why waste your money?

The end! wink2...

3 bullets...

My job scope requires me to hop from one place to the other in 3 seconds - just kiddin. Today I wore my Cheong-sam (a short one, made of silk, red in colour, body fitting)and I wore my gladiator... and my short skirt... I know, It looks funny. I just wanted to be a bit preppy today. Sigh. 3 bullets and a mission. The mission was canceled and I was tired. That's all about it. No stepping on a lizard or anything funny. Sigh again. Boring. Sigh again. Hahaha...

The Lizard...

"Kakak tu pijak cicak tuh laa," Two boys ran frantically to the sound of POP and to the sight of a lizard jerking at the pain of being crushed (on its head) at the end of its lifetime.

"Shit! damn kids..." I trailed off in my mumble.

"Kakak, tgk kat cicak tu. Kesian die," said one of the boys as they came closer to take a closer look at the soon-enough-carcass lizard. They squatted down, looking at it jerked with the tail wriggling detached from the body.

"Jahat laa kakak nie," said the other one. I stopped walking, turned around, full body. I straighten up my blue shirt from U2, trotting with this determined face in my TSC black heels and office pants from PDI. I tighten my necktie and looked at the boys. They were still squatting down, experiencing the few last seconds before the lizard became carcass. I squatted down with them (one knee touched the ground) in the middle of the lobby. I looked at both of them right into their eyes, hoping to get a grip on their souls, I mumbled while looking from the kids to the lizard:

"Tu laaa... kalau lintas jalan tak tgk kiri kanan, nanti jadik cam cicak nie. Nak ke?" I looked back at them. They seemed terrified. With a wicked and evil smile, I got up back on my two feet brushing off my shoulder (there were dandruff there), turned around, walked away with a loud sound of my clanking shoes, looked back at them and watched them ran away.

In my head I asked a question: Am I that terrifying? I laughed. But then I realized I don't wanna be crushed down by Mrs. N as I am already late for work - Yikes!

nak wat mende2 nie!

1) Nak g shopping....

2) Nak tido lame2....

3) Nak g vacation.....

4) Nak g tgk movie yg i nak tgk....

5) Nak mesra2 byk2....

These are the things I want... but I don't necessarily get it... SIGH~~~~

It's time to stop and let the world moves around you.

I trotted down the vast walkway of City Centre with my high-heeled gladiator shoes in black which I bought in a flee market last weekend, with my short black skirt, a white shirt from G2000 Women, a red neck tie made of silk and my sunglasses tugged on my head with my wild curl hair pony tailed. My mission was to pay the phone bill; ashamed to say that it was barred this morning when I intended to wish my hub good morning and all. It frustrated me. It seems like I am easily frustrated by things all around me these days. I have no idea why; If you think its PMS, than think again.

At one point of the past few days I was really stressed. I feel that the world is clinging on my back that I have to drag it everywhere I go. It annoys me and yesterday was the real blow. The day I have 8 appointments in The Administrative Centre where I have to commute by a bus and a bullet and it took ages for every one of them to actually be punctual enough to be there on time - which added up the already high level of stressed. Fortunately I had the privilege to walk from one government office to the other. That makes me a bit happy, indulging the beauty of the surrounding and take in as much sun as possible there. I love the lake. It is soothing. My view was reverted to the dream house that I always wanted, a small pond with scented flowers and trees surrounding my little cottage.

But than again that fantasy made me tense again. There are many things that I really wanted but never the chance to have it. But when one actually comes, it is ridiculous to go for it. At the sudden realization, I viewed people that surround me, they are getting what they want, although not all but most of it. Edmund is getting married soon, and we are discussing about the date for engagement and the hall has been booked. Hub got the chance of stardom when he was selected to be in CLEO's 50 Most Eligible Bachelor - although he did not win any title but the exposure is quite awesome. My mom is needed in a social project and I know she feels good that people actually need her.

Sigh, I turned into the telco store, and went straight to the deposit machine, pound my finger on the touch-screen machine and inserted 4 bills of 50. The machine took time to actually count the money and it said something on the screen, something unfamiliar. It said: "please take rejected notes". I was half cursing. I canceled the transaction and she a nearby telco personnel.

"Excuse me," I said.

"Yes, miss, how can i help you?" he said politely.

"My bills were rejected by the machine, is there anyway that I can change the notes?" I asked, trying my best to remain calm.

"I'm sorry miss you will have to change it at any of other store as we are using 80% online system which means we don't have cash," He explained.

So before I slapped him right on his left cheek, I stormed out of the facility and searched a convenient store. But then, I remembered there's a bank nearby and I tried my luck depositing the bills into my account, it went in in less that one minute. I grunted to myself. I stepped out of the line and line - up to withdraw the money and I was happy when I finally walked out of the bank with the cash in my hand. line up again at the deposit machine and this time around they were accepted.

I headed for the bullet and while in the bullet I think about the world that is on my back. I know I can't have everything I want or wish I want, but to this extend, I began to wonder. What if, I say to myself and look how it goes, I lit up, I say to myself: It's time to stop and let the world moves around me. I am almost there of taking actions I don't wanna take, but that's life right?

Love this One!!

Revival...

I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyes
But Im not strong enough to cry
Despite of my disguise
Im left with no shoulder
But everybody wants to lean on me.
I guess Im their soldier.
Well, whos gonna be mine

Whos there to save the hero
When shes left all alone
And shes crying out for help.
Whos there to save the hero
Whos there to save the girl
After she saves the world
After she saves the world.
I bottle all my hurt inside,
I guess Im living a lie.
Inside my mind each day I die
What can bring me back to life?
A simple word, a gesture
Someone to say youre beautiful
Come find this buried treasure
Rainbows lead to a pot of gold

Whos there to save the hero
When shes left all alone
And shes crying out for help
Whos there to save the hero
Whos there to save the girl
After she saves the world
After she saves the world.
Ive given too much of myself
And now its driving me crazy
(Im crying out for help?
Sometimes I wish someone would
Just come here and save me
Save me from myself

Whos there to save the hero
When shes left all alone
And shes crying out for help
Whos there to save the hero
Whos there to save the girl
After she saves the world
After she saves the world.

Frustrating

It's frustrating when you are extremely stressed and you tried to talk to people - they are not there to listen to you. So, I walked out of the office, in my pretty black zip-up suit and black and white flower print skirt from Zang Toi, and soon enough finding myself to be standing in front of the see-through fridge of 7-Eleven and tempted to take the Coke bottle but settled with an apple juice. Trotted out of the store only to find people smoking,which at this time of the week, I was really in need of one but shrugged the idea of my head, and sat on one of the many stairs in front of them looking helpless regardless the power suit that I was wearing. I looked at my hands, they were shaking, at that moment I knew that I will loose it... Really soon.

I fondled inside my bag for my handphone, trying some other people to call.

Flipped open my Z555i, scrolled down the endless entries of name in the phone book, and stopped instantly at a name. I pressed the call button.

"Hey!" she said excitedly at the other end of the line.

"I'm stressed...,"

I love weddings!

It has been ages since I last directly got involved in a wedding. Last week however, I managed to attend and assist my sister, Noorsyafinaz, and it was so much fun!

It started off with the akad nikah ceremony on the same day I got back to city center and I directly went to her place to witness the beautiful occasion.

AKAD NIKAH

It was a simple one yet exciting. The hall was filled with laughter and jokes and people talking. It was eventful. Everywhere you turn, people are excited for the ceremony to begin. Before the occasion took place I met my sister and express my excitement to her and had a glimpse of what she's going to look like - and take my words: SHE WAS SO PRETTY.

The ceremony began at about 5.15pm. It was raining heavily outside - and the TOK KADI was stuck in the car; he couldn't get out and braved the rain. So, my sister's father instructed me to go and fetch him and he gave me two umbrellas. I went down located the car, and gave TOK KADI one of the umbrellas and he told me to take his coat and bag at the passenger seat behind. I did just that, showed him the way and soon enough we were out of the rain.

The ceremony started immediately and I sat there, patiently thinking of why I really love weddings. It brings people together. It does. I am now a lot closer to my (older) neighboors and they are aware of my presence too.











MARHABAN

I was looking forward for the marhaban. This is the time where usually I would love. Sometimes new borns are being carried around the circle of marhaban too for their Cukur Jambul. It is filled with tradition and beliefs. The unison reading of the marhaban really impresses me - especially the nasyid bit at the end of the marhaban.

At the end of it, one of the elders sing a song that really made me laughed (not only me, though, some pak ciks were laughing to the song too)

Enjit Enjit Semut Siapa Sakit Naik Atas. And she repeated this three times. Everyone was laughing!





THE WEDDING RECEPTION

There was no words to express my feeling on that day. I helped my mom (she is the wedding planner of some sort) by mingled around to see people I know and entertain them. This is my way of reconnecting with those who I have lost contacted with for a long time. I really enjoy weddings!

Memo Paper

Mrs. N: Hey, can u write down these things, call Yen and ask the questions I am going to tell you and get back to me ASAP.

MM: Yes, boss.

Mrs. N: Okay, there are four questions all together...

MM: Uh huh....

Mrs. N: The first one, when can I see the finish product of what Yen is doing?

MM: Second q?

Mrs. N: Covers. The client needed two options for the cover.

MM: Next q?

Mrs. N: If we change the measurement last minutes how much will additional fees be charge to us?

MM: Okay....

Mrs. N: Should it be black or contrasting colour?

MM: Is that it?

Mrs. N: Nope... Check on our pending clients when will they approve the programmes.

MM: OUCH!

Mrs. N: You okay babe? What happened?

MM: Im fine, I poked my eyes with the sharp corner of the memo paper.

Mrs. N: Idiot!

D bay(The great weekend final part)

Well, it took us, 30 minutes to Reach D bay. The last place in the list in an abrupt meeting last night at Aliff's. pulling off my helmet from my head, I was conscious about my locks. I thought it wont look good after being compressed by the heavy helmet - and guess what, I quit to care about my looks. As long as I think I look good, that is fine with me. The consciousness of what people think of you as you dressed and appeared is really killing me. I just wanna be what I wanna be and wear what I feel like wearing. I don't want to think about looks anymore. At the end of the day, it will all fade. The things you leave behind will be the things you do for others out of your pure heart and great intention. Other than that, it wont matter anymore to me. (krik... krik... krik.. AWKWARD!!)

So, reached the final location. My cousin gave me a tour of what to happen to D bay as it is listed in the new development of ISKANDAR. You can see reconstructions are taking place here and there and new cleared land are being established to accommodate more development of the shore opposite the land of Lion! (Take that!! and that!! and that!!) After taking in the breeze of the strait, a bit of emotional moments (where I actually cried thinking of my childhood memories where Baba always took me here during the evening and when we participated with the joyous crowds on our independence day march) and my cousin was out of idea to what to do to stop me from crying - all I could think off was MAN, they don't know how to spoil us with enough words, and so we decided to go back and that my cousin needed to see the gf.

We walked to the bike. He handed me his hoody and told me that it would be extremely cold - the sea breeze and the cloudy night, I let you do the thinking. We rode off and soon enough, we maneuvered to a junction from a four-lane (one direction) highway only to realize that the back tyre were punctured! I was panicky. Even if my car's wheel was punctured I was extremely panic - so you can IMAGINE how panic I was when we have to get off the bike, on a SUPER busy highway and we had to go ACROSS the highway to find a bike workshop that opens at 10 to 10 at night. It was interesting though. Keeping my adrenaline rushing high and low as I was deciding to run across the road. I could say that I tempted my fate but I survived. With relieved heart, my cousin said his apology and concern and we walked to the nearest workshop not far from our spot - according to him. I looked at him sceptically but keep on walking. He eroded the tension by talking about the incident in a funny way - some ways that is hard to be forgotten. And soon enough I found myself laughing my heart out over the incident.

I was bleaming with joy as we saw a workshop was still operating. He pushed his bike towards the direction and we reached the workshop with much sweat (at least I was, under the hoody) and he was looking at his watch and I instantly knew that he was anxious to get this over and done with. That was when my hubby texted and I called him right away. I told him, excitedly, about what happened and heard that he wasn't that happy. I know he is tired of the current situation and I know how he wishes that everything will be easier for him soon. But god knows best - and he keeps that a mystery to those he chooses (that includes me I guess). So, I changed the topic and let my excitement died there - but sustained the cuteness I always do.

The Indian foreman said it was all done and he received the asked amount - I promised myself to pay some amount of money to him once I get my pay. We rode away from the place and soon enough, I was standing in front of the gate to my grandpa's house and we said our goodbye and he said: Just keep the hoody, I'll collect it soon. And I went into the house, looked out of the window and saw a shooting star. I said to myself: I had the rest I needed I just wish that my love is here with me so I wont miss him that much and went to the bathroom (to take my bath after an extremely long and eventful day) feeling very happy but excited as I am going back to the City Centre tomorrow!

Sand of Warehouse (The great weekend part 4)

After of about 25 minutes riding on a bike with my cousin, we finally reach his house. The mother went out so I directly aimed the computer (with internet connection that is). I brought my lappie and so you can imagine how heavy my back pack was, riding on a bike, for 25 minutes. Not the best mean of transportation (this is due to my motophobic where I encountered an unpleasant experience with bikes). But I braved it all to get my work done - and of course to go around Sand of warehouse, a district in southern region that I have never professionally explore.

Imagine me on a bike, with my clothing and my wild curls... You figure that I was kinda regreting it at first. What an experience it was though. One that made me braved up my old fear and turned it around into something that almost pleases me - and I said almost.

Done with my work, retrieving and sending emails, my cousin decided that we go for Cendol, a delicasy that combines greenish tofu, coconut milk, glutinous rice and dark syrup. I enjoyed eating it especially when it involvedtalking about things that interest you when you are reconciled with some one you long lost (not so long though). Soon, my cousin brought me, yes on his bike, (can you imagine me with a helmet?) to go around Sand of Wearhouse. He showed me places like the Kite Museum, Kite field, and then He suggested that we checked out a beach in which a new attraction to Sand of Wearhouse is being built - Sarang Buaya.

We went to the beach but it was closed. So, we decided to check out Sarang Buaya. It was soft-launched not long ago and the place is still underconstruction. But I could imagine the scenary once it was fully built. Next to the sea, with mangrove trees shooting the sky and crocodiles in captivities - I kept thinking what if the crocodiles escape!!

We went back home and stopped by a Nasi Lemak stop - and it was already near dusk, so we decided to grab ourself some food for dinner, and courtesy of my cousin he bought me dinner too! what a great guy he is. Back at home, his mother - my auntie was at home and we talked for awhile and soon enough I was ready to get on the bike again. And after sometimes, I think it wasn't that bad riding a bike, as long as I am not the one who is handling it.

CIMB Visit (The great weekend part 3)

I thought that the visit to CIMB would take ages - but it turned out to be quite fast. Pak Long parked his car, we walked to the Bank and soon enough we were talking to the bank representative and puff... everything was done! I was impressed. Pak Long was smiling from ear to ear. I felt a bit disappointed as I put an effort to look good today. I wore my Pink JOY and JOKE body hugging T-shirt and my jeans along with my radioactive sneakers.

As we were walking back to the car, I texted my cousin to pick me up sumtimes at two. I was excited to be granted the early weekend and hoping that my cousin will surprise me with his tour around the town. As I was preparing myself to set the mood for this exciting trip, Mrs. N called.

Mrs. N: Hey, you ok there?

MM: Im good.

Mrs. N: I e-mailed sumthing for you and wanted to hear your idea. Have you completed the proposal.

MM: I did.

Mrs. N: Could you e-mail it to me? I need to send the proposal ASAP.

MM: I try my best.

Mrs. N: Before 3. Bye.

I hang up the phone and soon enough my rusty brain was planning a new scheme.

Aliff's Latte (The great weekend part 2)

My eldest uncle picked us up at the Mega Bus Center not far from my grandpa's house. We told him that we were actually settling our insurance matter. Before we reached home, we stopped at Aliff to have dinner. I was thinking that this will be the usual laid back and doing nothing kind of hometown retreat. So I decided to agree to eat out (since I didn't know when will be the last chance to go out and about town).

We got out of the car and soon enough, the waiter was taking our orders and the drinks came first. As usual I ordered my latte, the same with my mom. Adrian was with his Ice Choc and Pak Long sipped his Ice Lychee and started to ask my mom questions to plan out tomorrow. That was when he decided to just take away some dishes and eat it at home.

I was happily sipping my hot latte when I saw someone familiar. I saw my cousin - Angah, Mak andak's son! He was with his friends and caught me looking at him. That resulted him to greet us and making small talk and soon enough we were planning of tomorrow as he was having his off week. I told him that I might need to use the internet connection to excess my works that Mrs. N sent me via email. Since I didn't know what time would the insurance matter end, I decided to tell him to pick me up at around two tomorrow. That was the first time that I felt easy and happy seing him. Usually we only chatted through smses and Yms. This was different.

I sipped my latte again, and thought that this is not going to be just any weekend. This could be a great weekend - one that I needed for quite sometimes.

Adrian and I in the bus (The great weekend part 1)

It has been ages since I last had a real weekend. My usual weekend will be spent as a therapy session in an art school not far from City Center. Anna, sometimes, picks me up and takes me or us (Frank is included) back home all the time. Most of the time I will arrive to the school late due to the stupid feeder bus which is scheduled every 30 minutes or so - I spend hours counting the weeds that infested the bricks of the pedestrian walk on the left and right sides of the bus station instead. This time around, I had a chance to breakaway and chill and relax a bit far away from the metropolitan city - I went back to my hometown.

My mother, Adrian and I left the Bus Mega Center at about 5pm to the southern region of the country. Along the way, I occupied most of the time looking out of the window and listen to my list of songs in my black Z555i. I took in the scenery as the City Center faded quickly and it was being replaced by a stretch of endless pattern of palm oil and rubber trees plantation one after the other as we moved further away from the hectic life of the city. It was bright sunny day. The evening was nothing but spectacular as if it welcomed me into my own version of a great 'weekend' - Owh, I forgot to tell you that it was Tuesday when I left.

The sky turned darker and darker and soon, Adrian and I saw the first glimpse of a star. He was so excited looking and kept counting the stars. He stopped when the stars were too many to be counted using fingers and he counted 23 twice and started again and lost count again - He finally just stared at the stars. We approached our destination around 9.30 pm and once we reached the city Adrian asked me a question, "Abang, mana bintang banyak - banyak tadik?"

I answered him with a slight doubt that he would understand the scientific explanation that i would soon blurt, "Langit tu macam cermin yang besar. Lagi terang lampu kat atas tanah lagi sikit kiter nampak bintang,"

He replied me with an unexpected answer that awed me, "Ooo, tadik kat jalan gelap. macam banyak bintang nie,"

I talked to myself quietly: He's a genius after all.

camel T**

This is 18 SX content Entry... Leave if u r not 18 yet... (What the...)

Last Saturday was a Camel T** day. This happened due to the fact that I found out what it means on that day. I'd never been told about it before. But I learned a new vocabulary while watching Akademi Fantasia with my sis's family, in her living room.

I felt kinda embarrassed as I don't know what it is in a group of people who were actually arguing about it. I felt funnily stupid but at the same time lost and naive.

I dreamed of a poet

I dreamed of a poet. Not old but wise. He told me about a lot of things; things that I have never thought I'd face. The uncertainty of living. The beliefs that I have never jeopardized. The way the world go around from other perspectives. Is this another task? I asked, but silence filled the air as I lay in bed thinking.

I dreamed of a poet. Faceless as he might be but his voice sang through the ears of mine. He told me of promises and trusts - the other side of them that I have never thought of questioning. He told me that we trust others but reserve questions of the opposite. He told me that we make promises, we keep some of them but we have to break most of them. He told me that we do what we do as our heart skips and speaks.

I dreamed of a poet. A poet of love and relationship. He told me that we can never lie our heart and how we feel but we know what is right and what is not. He told me that we are human - and that we are special when we are exactly the same as others. We love the ones we love and we love more as we move on. And to stay with the same person will be a true virtue of sacrifice and truthfulness. We strive and strive and we know what we want.

I dreamed of a poet. A poet of wisdom and faith. He told me that we are who we are and we can never go wrong as we believe in what we do. We guide our feelings with wisdom that we gathered in the journey called life. With wisdom comes faith. And with faith we fulfill the destiny that we are destined. Yes, the future is something that we can't predict but today is what we are dealing with. We make the best out of what we have. Although we have everything we want, but there are somethings we always need. Something ordinary that differs from the things we want but we realize the importance of their presence in our life.

I dreamed of a POET and I am utterly glad that I met the POET - who showed the reality of the other side that I have never ventured in thinking both silently and articulately. I hope, now, I really can think about it without fear of any sort.

My Father and His Small Little Things

Don't get me wrong reading the title people, but that's the truth.

Me and hub had an argument yesterday - I would say a good one. It makes me understand him more and him, lets put it that he understands me better now. People say that, if there are too many differences in the partners in the relationship, they can't last that long. But, I beg to differ. Today, however, I am not going to tell you about our differences; let that be to another day. Today, I am going to reminisce the way my parents love each other and how they love their children - all three; Martha, Edmund and Adrian.

1) Find a reason to CELEBRATE!!

My father, whom I called Baba, celebrated everything that can be celebrated. There was one time when I got 3rd place in my secular education school, and I got the highest marks for my Arabic Language. He didn't throw me a huge party with Celine Dion singing in my hall - though I still keep my fingers crossed, but he printed me a cute card saying congratulation and how he loved me so. In another event, we celebrated Christmast with real oven-roasted turkey drumsticks - and we spent 2 days finishing the drumsticks and up till now we still laugh at the memories.

2) Celebrate DATES!!

Baba is particular when it comes to dates. He remembers dates, important ones especially. A major occasion for that would be Birthdays, Anniversaries, New Borns and even Dates of Death of our relatives. When I say birthdays it does not only cover family, it reaches out to neighbors and friends. To celebrate this, my dad would buy cards and asked us to put down our wishes and signature. Sometimes, he would buy ingredients and my mom and I would cook together in the kitchen. I have to say that is so rare to do these days as I am extremely busy. One event that I wouldn't want to forget is Edmund's birthday where he brought us all to Victoria Station to have an expensive dinner. Next was my mothers' 18th of July, middle of the month, what he did really touched me. After Edmund's birthday which was on the twelve of July, each morning, Baba would put a long stalk of rose, untreated, at places my mom would definitely go every morning. He put one in the washing machine, the next day in the fridge, another one at the front door, another one on the vacume cleaner, and the last one on the dining table with a complete set of English Breakfast - scrambled eggs, chicken ham, sausages, mushroom soup and buns - we (Edmund, Baba and I) were partners in crime!! All of this was just to celebrate dates. And I kinda miss that. Hehehe...

3) The love of Baba to My mom.

They don't go off to honeymoon, instead they celebrates little things that surprised their days and nights as husband and wife. Baba would call my mom to brew up coffee or tea so that they could have a cute tea time together at 5 or 530 pm everyday without fail without the kids (as we were very busy with co-curriculum and extra evening activities). He would buy some banana fritters and kuihs, sat on the dining table, over looking the balcony with wildly blooming flowers that Baba planted - It is one of his passion to plant beautiful shrubs and flowers (among his favs is the Jasmine and Santhalia). They would talk about their days and what they did and interesting events. They also shared sad moments there, at the dining table facing the balcony with wildly blooming-scented flowers. Whenever they have problems, they would discuss there, of course putting us to sleep first and talk and talk throughout the night at the same spot, looking at the stars and the moon. Baba loves to surprise my mom - which what we (my mom, Edmund and I) inherit up till now. we love to surprise others and sometimes one of us expected surprises but we planned it out to make it not the usual type of surprise. I really miss those moments.

Baba is no longer with us now. But the little things he did will always be remembered as we move on. They are somethings we treasure everyday and we carry with us every where we go...

DUA REMPIT DAN SATU SKOOT

REMPIT 1.


Tempat: Balai menunggu tren,
Stesyen LRT (Rapid KL) Setiawangsa.

Pakaian: Baju:

Uniform perkhidmatan Kurier (nama syarikat dirahsiakan demi menjaga nama baik syarikat itu)

Seluar:

Carrot Jeans Hitam (yang macam nak mati dan tengok pown dah tahu betapa busuknye seluar itu)

Aksesori:

Sling beg, helmet (tangan kanan), jam swatch (mesti Danau Kota nyer) dan kasut hitam Pallas (mesti
berbau jugak)

Laporan Kejadian:

Tunggu tren, mamat rempit nie terkenyit - kenyit mata dia kat aku. Nak je g kat depan dia, pegang kepala dia, tengok dalam mata dia lama - lama dan goncang kepala dia sampai sewel. Dah laa aku nie sakit. Nak aje terajang. Masok dalam tren tak abes - abes usha aku. Marah nie!! Haish... Nak aje hayun beg lap top aku yang berat cam dinosor. Kuar tren ngan kekusutan terpampang di wajah ku yang bermata sembab ini.

REMPIT 2


Tempat: Bank CIMB, Selepas tren LRT Masjid Jamek
On the way ke DBKL, Jalan Raja Laut

Pakaian: Baju:

Dia pakai jaket moto (so tak nampak laa baju aper dia pakai)

Seluar:

Cargo Pants - Dockers agaknya (tapi leh tahan nampak busuk)

Aksesori:

Sling beg, helmet (dia pakai kat kepala - windshield terbukak), Pakai cincin batu warna hijau besar
(nampak masa dia nak bukak windshield dia)

Laporan Kejadian:

Berjalan nak catch appointment kol 1030 nih. So agak laju laa melangkah. Macam org marathon pown mungkin ada sikit. Dah laa penat mengheret beg nih. Jalan depan Stesyen LRT tu memang laa slalu sebok. terkocoh - kocoh nak cepat... Tak ramai orang kat pedestrian walk nih. Nampak mat rempit nie macam comel atas moto. Mata kitorg cam terkunci for a few seconds just before aku hampir melanggar papan iklan CIMB yang besar gedabak. Entah bila plak ada papan iklan tuh kat situ tak perasan. Earphone aku kat telinga nie tukar dari lagu Katy Perry - Thinking of You ke ringtone Sony Ericsson yang cikai - cikai je tuh. Aku membentak dalam hati... Taw laa dah nak sampai nie... tak yah laa nak call2.... "Hello, Waalaikum salam. Ya saye, saye dah nampak bangunan DBKL dah nie. Lagik 5 minit saya sampai." aku dengar moto kat belakang aku so aku bagi laluan. dia berhenti betol2 kat tepi aku... Aku jalan die press minyak moto die. Tengok - tengok aku. Haish... not another one... Rupe - rupenye mat rempit yang comel atas moto tadik...

Mat Rempit (MR): Nak gi mane neyh bro jalan cepat - cepat?

Aku: Nak gi bangunan DBKL.

MR: Meh laa naik, aku anta.

Aku: Tak per laa. Thanx. (Muka merah)

MR: Sure tak nak nie bro? Penat taw jalan jaoh2 tuh. dah laa beg cam berat bro. Jom arr...

Aku: Dah dekat. nak exercise. Dah gemok. Lu lambat kang anta parcel tuh (tengok kotak yang melekat kat belakang moto die - muka aku makin merah)

MR: Ok laa bro. Jaga diri baik - baik k. Besok gua anta barang kat area nie lagik dalam kol 1030. Tapi muka tak yah laa merah sangat kkowt ye tak besok ek.

Dia pusing, pecot laju sambil tgk aku kat belakang, senyum. Sorg lagik nak kene sepak dan sepak.

SKOOT.


Tempat: Depan LRT stesyen
Stesyen LRT (Rapid KL) Masjid Jamek.

Pakaian: Baju:

T-shirt berkolar warna purple gelap - tak berapa nak busuk - sangat comel.

Seluar:

Shorts warna coklat

Aksesori:

Kasut besar adidas ke hape ker ntah... ada lukis2 kat tepi... sangat comel... ada lukisan KLCC...
Socks putih pangkal buku lali.

Laporan Kejadian:

Dah gi meeting Pn. Hanim nak tukar jabatan soon. So kene refer to org laen kat Jalan Raja Laut. Tak der mood nak keje dah. Haish... Jalan balik ke stesyen LRT Masjid Jamek. Nampak mamat skoot nie... comel... dia tanggal helmet... rambut perang - perang sikit... panjang... dia btolkan rambut die sambil tgk dalam side mirror die... erm... dia sikat rambut dia pakai tangan letak rambut dia yang agak panjang tuh kat atas mata kanan... sangat comel... kulit putih and ader scar antara pipi dan dagu... dia senyum... aku pown senyum balik... aku tgh dgr katy perry - thinking of you.... lagik.... dia usha sambil senyum - senyum.... aku pown senyum lagik.. and lintas jalan untuk ke stesyen... dia usha agy... senyum agy.... aku senyum and tros jalan masok dalam stesyen LRT Masjid Jamek.... amek tren untuk ke KL Central before taking another train to Setia Jaya....

:)

:D

Have you ever?

Have you ever felt that u just can't give enough to your other half??

Have you ever thought of letting go because you can't do the chores and responsibilities as a good wife?

Have you ever experienced a so-called near death experience that you think will end your life in a blink of an eye?

Have you ever dreamed of starting all over again when you know it is impossible and that you are regretting the things you have done?

Have you ever said things that you don't want to say but at the end of the day wishing that you didn't do what you did?

Have you ever tried to believe in hope but the surrounding was telling you to give up?

Have you ever imagined the feeling of being betrayed?

Have you ever learned anything that at the end of the day you realize that the things you learned are actually useless?

Have you ever loosen up until the moment that you forgot the core of life and love that you built and trusted but it still burns with or without the core - is it the same?

and lastly....

Have you ever lost hope that getting it back is equal to letting go?

...and I cried as I was restlessly trying my best to sleep...

waste time chasing cars....

This is my latest craving in the net.... Watched most of the videos... He's funny!! and this is one of the videos he did, it is called Douche Nozzle

And it releases my stress BIG TIME!!

hehehe.....

enjoy!

The One Once: A Confession

I forget about how happy I was when I was in my teen time. People love me. They wanted to be my friends. I was happy when they do that.

I woke this morning at the right side of the bed. Not left but RIGHT side of the bed. I laid there for a few more seconds although my Sony Ericsson Z555i had been snoozing for about 12 times. I took back the path I decided for my life of approaching 24 years old. Some I am really proud of and some I really don't want to remember. I thought about how happy I am to see other people happy. All of the sudden, I felt that I have been straying off too far from my real core - from what I am destined to do. In a blink of an eye, I really wish I can be that person again: The one that puts others before himself.

I realized that I am becoming a colder person. I do things that I know will hurt others. I say things that make lesion bleeds. I give them ideas that persuade them to do things out of their willingness. I did all these and it is not making me happy. I really want to be who I once was. A child who is filled with fantasy, a kid who is easily pleased, a sister who is caring, a daughter who is adorable and proud of herself for things she did for her parents. I am now at the peak of emotions. I am really scared to fall because I have gone way far up - that I may have forgotten how the soil looked like. But, I really want to come down - to where I am really needed. I don't want to stay here and get lost in all of these beautiful stars and auroras. I want the dirty soil as long as I can feel how I felt once.

I took my phone, started to text something in and sent the message to my sisters including my sister in law. I am happy that I took the first step to regain my crown that was once mine.

kite flying

It was a good morning, it was windy. Just a good start for our kite flying day out. I bought a kite with Naruto print on it and before long, Frank and I were flying kite high in the sky. It was so sweet. He talked about the resemblance of flying kite and our relationship. At that time I was really in love with him!

Save Palestinians!

Last Sunday, yes it took me almost a week to put up this one due to my crazy schedule this week, my hubby, my mother in-law and I, we went to an event to educate the society about the pain and the hard times our brothers and sisters are facing in Palestine. So we went there casually, me with my Padini jeans and brown polo Padini tee, my mother in-law in white and my hubby in collared t-shirt and jeans. We came slightly later then my mother in-law.

There were many students there who had given their name to voluntarily distribute handouts and pamphlets in chosen areas. The event started with the experience told by two Palestinians and followed by a brief history of the struggle of the two entities and Dr. M officiated the event and performances by Malaysian youths followed.As we were stepping out of the hall, we had a few brochures, pamphlets, a button and a long mafla each.

Today, I wore the mafla to work. I wore my G2000 brown shirt, a GUESS straight skirt and high heels from Nose. So, really early in the morning i had to go to KL to settle some things. I took the bullet. As I was trotting along the way of many stalls and restaurants, a man looked at me, smiled and walked closer to me. He said, Save Palestinians? Hidup Palestine. Everyone watched me.

Spinster!

"Hello, boleh saya bercakap dengan (pause - 45 seconds, flipping through pages of documents, standing behind Aina since thats where the telephone is stationed, shouldering the phone handle and looked at the fax machine searching for her name. at the very last page of the documents stated there in bold print Cik Harpah and her Number) Cik Harpah?"

"Ya, saya bercakap," she answered soft, almost flirty, as if she was to seduce me.

Spinster! I protested the way she spoke to me - she freaked me out.

"Saya baru faks (pronounced as F-U-C-K-S) Police Investigation Report pasal kereta saya yang hilang tu," The whole office turned slowly and looked at me with that disbelief look on their face. I looked back at them and said "What?"

They laughed. I continued talking to Cik Harpah.

A true inspiration of love

I just finished watching Mouline Rouge for the 25gazillionth time! And this I have to say: This is what I call inspirational.

Mouline Rouge is a musical love story that dazzles me through the music, songs, expressions and dances. It expresses the real meaning of love. The story line is cliche but the power of a musical can't be easily cast away with a simple brushing off dandruff from your shoulders. We acknowledge the rehearsal, the singing practices, the dance classes and acting coaching - there is nothing greater than acting in a musical. Anyone can read the lines, delivers and expresses them as they should - but incorporating more than that in a play/movie? (I don't think so).

The repetitive theme in the story moves you to fall in love deeper with the clicheness of the story. We know what to expect, but we are glued to the screen waiting for more of this. Why? because it is inspiring; the love across social status, the purity of two hearts in a relationship, the hardship faced by the characters throughout the musical and the theme of true love that wins at the end of the story (kinda - if only Nic Kid didn't die at the end of the musical).

I've got this to tell you, I am easy to be swept off the ground, feet not touching the ground kinda thing. Give this type of movie to me and you'll win my heart. Watch this with me and you'll be accepted in my life. Sing the songs to me and you'll have me all the time. Whisper the sweet quotations from the movie, before sleeping while hugging me, I promise I'll stay with you until my dying days. (So, there you have it: 4 easy steps to secure this princess labeled YOURS)hehehe....

Another musical that has a huge impact towards me is non other than our pride and locally ensambled, Puteri Gunung Ledang: The Musical. As you expected, this is another cliche production - love across social status, the hardship of their relationship - u know the sequence already by now. But, what moves me is the way they make it relevant regardless the time - the songs are not ancient, they are the combination of contemporary traditional, the love songs are mesmerising and the wording, the lyrics are so heart warming. For me (not for Mrs. N though, she walked out half way through using the kids as the main reason of their departure), I think the commercial value of the play makes it watchable repetitively. It is entering the third season and a seperate season was performed in Singapore and i heard that the tickets are running out fast. It is superbly thrilling, the opening, the rising action and the closing are memorable. One thing for sure I am watching this again this time around with the love of my life, to experience the mythical love of the princess and sultan's loyal servant.

Sickness

2 nights ago I was suffering from an extreme case of running nose. I couldn't sleep. I kept on waking up every 15 minutes just to blow my nose or drink a glass of water or whatever not. The next morning, even though I put on my power suit, I still feel weak and so dull (the opposite of what I really am). Today, the running nose dispersed but a new sickness took place - an extreme case of coughing.

I cough in the bathroom, I cough at the dining table during lunch with my mom(Mrs N gave me a day off) and I even cough when I was on the phone with a few important people. To be heard sick is suck! and to let people know that you are is is even sucker! All they say was take a good care of yourself or don't forget to take your med or an extreme of : "tu laa kerje kuat sangat. Bukannye nak mati besok," (trans: Serves you rite! you work far too hard.). It amuses me, still, that people gave me these sorts of advice which inspire me to do something - to appreciate the people around me.

I realize that at the end of the day, the ones we need are these people. So, what should we do? Create good rapport with each and everyone of them.

So what if he is a pain in the ass, to some extend he can be useful to you. Who knows?

So what if she is an emotional bitch, to some extend she may be able to knock some senses to your head and see things differently.

So what if your brother is as stingy as scrooge, to some extend he may be able to make you think that you need to save up some amount of your salary for your future.

These sickness can't be more of a bless rather than an unfortunate event to me. Now, I realize the reason why, once upon a time, I was such a lovable person.

AWAL

I picked up the phone - shaking in extreme coldness of the surrounding despite the red eyes, the dry lips and the thirst that's swelling in my body. At the other end of the line, came a voice which I found comfort within it. He spoke in a manner that a friend will always do.

I knew him once upon a time l for about two years before he moved back to an east-coast state where he studied there the rest of his 8 years. We lost contact ever since.

He was 'large' and I was bad. I called him 'fat' everyday. Although we were not in the same session but we share the same staircase everyday - him to get to his third floor class and I was waiting in front of the staircase (as I was a prefect at that time) waiting for him to come up those steps and wait for the right moment to blurt out my evil and gruesome hatred towards him. As I saw his clean-shaved head, I started to talk to anyone (YES, anyone even though I have no IDEA who they were) in front of me saying stuff that revolved on the topic of FATNESS full blast volume level - so that he'd hear me saying things that put me in the top list of an evil prefect. Come to think of it I was very evil when I was small. I targeted 'weak' students and took their name over and over again for offenses they didn't do and got away with it. It was scary to look at how evil I was when I was small.

AWAL was somehow a cheerful person. He laughed a lot and never failed to make me laughed too. The most extreme gesture he did in reacting to my name calling activities will be a soft punch on my arms. And less that I realized I kinda like that. He is clingy, low profile and a good friend too. He helped most of his classmates with mathematics problems and he didn't mind sharing what he knows with others. He'll listen to you when you have something to say and always be true to himself. You see, this is all happened 12 years ago when he was in standard 2 and I was in standard 5.

"Bai, ko ok ke tak nie?"

"Ok laa sikit bai,"

"Falliq dah bagi ko makan ubat dah?"

"Blom agy"

"Makan ubat taw babi,"

"ye la2,"

I hanged up the phone.

its easier to say.....

People say it is easy. NO its not.

People said that I dont have to be worried. BUT yes, I am worried.

People said that there will be time. YES, Maybe.

People said it is normal. AFTER what I've gone through is it so NORMAL?

People said that it is all about EXPERIENCE. AFTER bad ones...?

People said that SOMETHING are better left alone. BUT if you know MOST of it doesn't it hurt.

People said to take it EASY. NO, love is serious. LOVE is everything to me. SO tell me which part is easy?

AT the end of the day, I am the one here, living it. DO other people THINK of how I FEEL?

I dont wanna it to be easy - because sometimes indirectly it's hard and painful

I dont wanna be worried - so tell me.

I dont want little time with you - I want YOU all to myself.

I dont want it to be normal - because I am NOT.

I dont want to learn it from experience - because they are all dark spots in my memory book.

The truth is I dont wanna know MOST of everything - so everything that I know I tell myself they are all lies.

I dont wanna take it easy - because when I take it easy I feel I dont care for you anymore.

The Things That I am Afraid Of

1) Changes
2) Last Minute Things
3) Myself

I am really afraid of all of the above!

sometimes they drive me nuts and I can't even sleep preparing myself for all of that. I should be better at handling all of that in due time. But I just wanna ignore them. Let me take my time. Don't force me to or I let them be as I wish.

Something BIG!

The meeting ended at about 5.30 pm. Mrs. N packed her stuff and left. Soon my mom, Edmund (yes he was there) and Mellisa Mason left the compound too. Adrian was left at home as he has to attend the afternoon school. He is getting funnier every freaking minutes and most of the time I just wouldn't be there because of the workload that I am handling. I turned on my lappie from its slumber mode and sent a few emails. I flipped open my phone (I CROSSed OUT THE PHONE FROM MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTION LIST - SE Z555i). Yup, I crossed it out of the system on the first of January. Now I am working for my car which will be resolve in two or three weeks - talking about starting the year with a bang!

I did what I have to do. Soon enough I was back tracking what I have published in my blog, some reminded me of my hardship and some bring smiles and laughter to me. All of the sudden, I felt hype up to do more in life based on what I have done and soon enough, I know, I will manage to plan for something really BIG!

A New Year with a BANG

Hey every1! Happy New Year.

Well, obviously, my year began last night with a BANG. A super BANG to be exact. As planned, we (my hubby and I) went to see Anna, our lovely sister in a restaurant not quite far from City Centre Station. As expected people were sardinized in the bullet. Mr Frank came back from his evening class at about 7. We freshened up, changed, switched from train to bus to train again because of the stupid train broke down, and we let three buses went by because they were packed with passengers. Anyways, after all the hard work of cramping myself with other passengers, we managed to reach the station and walk to Avillion.

When we walked to the table booked for us, there were already Anna, Eddie, Emyra and her friend. We hugged, kissed and did the usual stuff and before long we ordered our food, ate it up and soon enough we were counting in unison as midnight approached. And god I swear at that time I missed the surrounding I was in last night. Anyways, we rushed to an opening not in front of Guess and Top Shop boutiques to see the fireworks. I was really excited.

Done with the firewoks, we headed back to our table and soon enough another friend of ours, Suri, came with her boyfriend, Oly, and another friend, Migo. They brought with them a cake to celebrate Suri and Oly's first year anniversary - we cut the cake, consumed it and something happened - Migo drank half a glass of neat Hennessy VSOP in one FUCKING shot! She was gone less than 20 minutes.

After she fell a few times from her chair, laid down on combined chairs and asking for more shots inspired by a few jerks - Eddie included because he's drunk, that was when Anna stood up, took control and god I promise I feel secured seeing her in that condition. She's so protective towards those she cares about. That was a relief to learn. And I know that there will always be someone who will protect me if this sort of thing happens to me. So, she decided to adjourn the gathering by suggesting us to go back with her and an extra baggage - the drunken Migo.

The thing to remember is the car was parked outside the building and hence, the manner of transporting Migo to the car before we get her into another car. She weighed, how should I put this in a politically correct manner, Heavy. So, my strong hubby, Piggy backed her all the way to the car. In the middle of the way when it was our third or fourth stop I think, they take a break, again. she was vomiting and Anna went back to see Eddie to settle the bill. Soon enough she was back with swollen eyes and we resumed our journey of attracting people without failed to look at us. We reached the parking lot, Anna drove the car to where we were and cried and said that she can't drive. So I drove the drunken Migo with Suri at the back.

I drove to their car, with effort of avoiding her moving lifeless hand from the gear, hand break and the door. So it was a bit frantic but its not something new. Reached their car, an older version of Lily (Anna's car), wrestled with Migo for awhile before putting her into the car. Pulled her back out since she wanted to puke, let her rested on the side ways on the grass and I was excited to see the others coming closer. I turned around, I saw Migo was moving a bit and soon enough i watched her, helplessly, rolling down a slope. And I giggled as the rest laughed at my action. There's nothing can be done anymore. She drunk and trust me she couldn't even listen or think about anything at that time. so let her be.

We gathered, Emyra was laughing once in awhile in regards of the experience, Oly was concerned of his girlfriend's best friend. Suri was a bit quiet than the usual. Mr. Frank and Anna took pictures and videos of Migo.Finally, we pushed her in the car as the patrol officers approaching us - we don't wanna make fuss about it and decided to go our seperate ways.

So basically, we help a person from any harm on the first day of the year. And I am proud to be in this. I realized that there are people who take great care of others that are important to them like Anna, Suri and Oly. I learned a new level of friendship and the most important thing, I learned that there are still good people out there like Mr. Frank and Emyra. So don't loose hope!

Happy New Year 2009.