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She blew thick yellowish liquid into her handkerchief. She looked at it feeling disgusted and soon enough she felt a slight woosh and foosh in her head seeing stars. She grabbed the back of a chair next to her and lowered herself to sit down. This is one nasty month. Basically, her financial and health is giving her one nasty ride this month. She felt all her senses strained away from her body. Yup, you read that right. She, Martha, the one person who has always been a fighter, is really stuck in the center when everything else is attacking her from back front left and right. She felt as though she can't move. But she is not giving up. She is just gathering sometimes for herself and some strength too before she comes up with an action plan, like she has always done. But, seriously, she is at the edge of giving up and losing hope. Hopefully some divine intervention will come and rescue her before its too late.
Love,
Jeremy Swan.
27 July 2010
18 July 2010
10 May 2010
LOVE + HATE
People around you do things when they love someone. It varies from heart-touching efforts to weird things they do. Regardless of what they did, do or will do, it all comes down to one important thing - LOVE.
Some buy food to show they care for others. Some spend lots of money to create a house of their dreams for their partner. Some work hard to support their life together. Some sing their heart out to tell those who are around her that she LOVEs each and everyone of them.
People tend to forget that LOVE itself doesn't make the whole picture perfect. It takes more than just LOVE to survey this cruel world. You can list down a thousand reasons to support it but I won't list it down for you. Its a waste of time. Those reasons keep you hiding from your fear of what might the future bring to your plate. No kidding there. The more you reason out the more secure you feel, but lie to yourself not. You know the fear or maybe fears for that matter constantly bugging you at the back of your mind. Don't let this fear eat you up alive. Resolve it. The future that you and your LOVE one will live is at stake. Will you be able to LOVE the same person with their same characters for 8 years? Will you tolerate what they are and just deal with it although you are frustrated with him/her? Will you be strong enough to succumb all their weaknesses that turns that into hatred.
People do unthinkable things when they HATE someone. It varies to jerk-proof action to the extend of serial killer. Regardless of what they did, do or will do, you have agreed to take the path together and please don't blame each other for the decision you have settled on. You end up HATE each other. And when the hatred grows, the last thing to do is to go separate ways - where other people might HATE you for doing what you think is right.
Just remember sometimes less is more. It takes three hatreds to destroy six loves in a long run. think about it before you have to face the complexity of this situation.
LOVE
Martha Moore
Some buy food to show they care for others. Some spend lots of money to create a house of their dreams for their partner. Some work hard to support their life together. Some sing their heart out to tell those who are around her that she LOVEs each and everyone of them.
People tend to forget that LOVE itself doesn't make the whole picture perfect. It takes more than just LOVE to survey this cruel world. You can list down a thousand reasons to support it but I won't list it down for you. Its a waste of time. Those reasons keep you hiding from your fear of what might the future bring to your plate. No kidding there. The more you reason out the more secure you feel, but lie to yourself not. You know the fear or maybe fears for that matter constantly bugging you at the back of your mind. Don't let this fear eat you up alive. Resolve it. The future that you and your LOVE one will live is at stake. Will you be able to LOVE the same person with their same characters for 8 years? Will you tolerate what they are and just deal with it although you are frustrated with him/her? Will you be strong enough to succumb all their weaknesses that turns that into hatred.
People do unthinkable things when they HATE someone. It varies to jerk-proof action to the extend of serial killer. Regardless of what they did, do or will do, you have agreed to take the path together and please don't blame each other for the decision you have settled on. You end up HATE each other. And when the hatred grows, the last thing to do is to go separate ways - where other people might HATE you for doing what you think is right.
Just remember sometimes less is more. It takes three hatreds to destroy six loves in a long run. think about it before you have to face the complexity of this situation.
LOVE
Martha Moore
29 April 2010
17 April 2010
100th post...
Celebrating the 100th post with the winning of Manchester United against Manchester City!! wooohoo...
11 April 2010
When They Say They are of What They were
I straighten my t-shirt, my boss, Ms. Hepburn was busy talking to her phone. I sign-languaged her to go and eat my lunch. I walked through the crowded reception area of the art center: parents saying "good job" and "that's nice" as such and of course parents who were sending their child(ren) for the first time and their excitement plus anxiety. I fished my way through, out of the main entrance, turned right and after passing through a shop I made another right turn and my legs in my loose jeans find their way out of the mall and into an open space.
As I was flipping open my "oxygen" box, I took in the view in front of me - the central park. The lake, the pavement for joggers and the bustling traffic that seemed endless. I lighted up my "oxygen" stick. Inhaled deep and let out an enormous sum of carbon dioxide. I like inhaling the "oxygen". It gives me sometime to think about a lot of things around me. One of those things was how carefree I was ages ago, in time line that is almost erased in the past.
I keep telling myself that I am still carefree, but at the back of my mind a thousand and one voices telling me that I am not and will never be able to have that again. It's not that I regretted the present, but rather I cherish the past and hope for the best in the near future. I am given many chances in life and miracle events that change my life and the path that its going and I am able to say that I am still learning to grow up. When it comes to think of it, when they say they are of what they were, it is not a bad thing at all. Its a pleasant lesson in disguise indeed.
I puffed out the final set of CO2, squashed the stick on a tray provided and started walking to the art center.
As I was flipping open my "oxygen" box, I took in the view in front of me - the central park. The lake, the pavement for joggers and the bustling traffic that seemed endless. I lighted up my "oxygen" stick. Inhaled deep and let out an enormous sum of carbon dioxide. I like inhaling the "oxygen". It gives me sometime to think about a lot of things around me. One of those things was how carefree I was ages ago, in time line that is almost erased in the past.
I keep telling myself that I am still carefree, but at the back of my mind a thousand and one voices telling me that I am not and will never be able to have that again. It's not that I regretted the present, but rather I cherish the past and hope for the best in the near future. I am given many chances in life and miracle events that change my life and the path that its going and I am able to say that I am still learning to grow up. When it comes to think of it, when they say they are of what they were, it is not a bad thing at all. Its a pleasant lesson in disguise indeed.
I puffed out the final set of CO2, squashed the stick on a tray provided and started walking to the art center.
06 April 2010
The things I did to her and her abortion story.
I sat there clueless, expected but still clueless of what to say and how to react. She confessed. She confessed for god sake! One of those confession that sticks in your head forever. I can't believe it but she did it. She DID it big time!! My imagination runs wild.
I slowly pick up the fork to the left of my white shiny porcelain plate with some gourmet dish at the center that is too beautiful to be consumed. The smell of charcoal-grilled steak filled my nostril as I inhale vigorously the air into my lung. She keeps on talking as if I am okay with what she just told me. I look with a blink of an eye to the pepper bottle in front of me and starting to calculate the motion I am about to act out. I slowly put my fork down. Sway my left hand passing the plate and grab the pepper bottle and with one hand I loosen the cover of the bottle. My right hand trace the knife on the right side of the plate, estimating how deep should this thing go into her left cheek. After taking into account the time frame, I decided to do something even nastier. I pass her the pepper bottle. She takes it with a puzzled face, put it down on the right side of her plate and rest her right palm on the table. While she is uttering words that I can't comprehend I hold the knife with my right palm and glue my eyes at the pepper bottle and grab the fork. She calls my name a few times but I am lost and high in my own world. This madness has to end now. With the strength of a woman, skilfully I drive the fork on top of her right palm on the table push it hard so that the fork splits open her flesh press it hard, with one palm hoping it gets through the thick wooden table. Blood splashes all over her white Vercase short dress. She screams and everyone looks at her and some start to stand to help her. Her left palm starting to move to her right palm, reflects of moving the pain away. This is when I sway the knife I hold with my right palm, with a bit of exhaling sound from my mouth, sink the knife into her left cheek and the knife does what it do best, ripping apart her right cheek too and pull it off as fast as I can. She screams even louder with bubbles and thick red liquid dripping down her chin. I see everything in slow motion, a man is running towards me from my right side, I know what he's going to do, he's taking me down. I took the pepper bottle after releasing my left hand from the fork and as he is getting too close I sway the bottle and the cap goes of letting the pepper fly free and into his eyes. He, too, screams. I smile with satisfaction in my eyes before the security of the restaurant get the hold of me.
I exhaled, if only that can happen, I am the first one to do that to her. I stood up, slapped her on the face - full swing. And as if that wasn't enough, I took the red wine glass on the table and splashed it to her face and wet her bust short white dress, smashed the wine glass on her right palm on the table and it shattered, cursed her with words I only use for special occasion, like this one. Called her a murderer slut for the last time, picked up my LV bag and walked away as if nothing had happened. As I walked away, a few waiters rushed to the table and the sound of removed pieces of glasses made me smile the whole day!
I slowly pick up the fork to the left of my white shiny porcelain plate with some gourmet dish at the center that is too beautiful to be consumed. The smell of charcoal-grilled steak filled my nostril as I inhale vigorously the air into my lung. She keeps on talking as if I am okay with what she just told me. I look with a blink of an eye to the pepper bottle in front of me and starting to calculate the motion I am about to act out. I slowly put my fork down. Sway my left hand passing the plate and grab the pepper bottle and with one hand I loosen the cover of the bottle. My right hand trace the knife on the right side of the plate, estimating how deep should this thing go into her left cheek. After taking into account the time frame, I decided to do something even nastier. I pass her the pepper bottle. She takes it with a puzzled face, put it down on the right side of her plate and rest her right palm on the table. While she is uttering words that I can't comprehend I hold the knife with my right palm and glue my eyes at the pepper bottle and grab the fork. She calls my name a few times but I am lost and high in my own world. This madness has to end now. With the strength of a woman, skilfully I drive the fork on top of her right palm on the table push it hard so that the fork splits open her flesh press it hard, with one palm hoping it gets through the thick wooden table. Blood splashes all over her white Vercase short dress. She screams and everyone looks at her and some start to stand to help her. Her left palm starting to move to her right palm, reflects of moving the pain away. This is when I sway the knife I hold with my right palm, with a bit of exhaling sound from my mouth, sink the knife into her left cheek and the knife does what it do best, ripping apart her right cheek too and pull it off as fast as I can. She screams even louder with bubbles and thick red liquid dripping down her chin. I see everything in slow motion, a man is running towards me from my right side, I know what he's going to do, he's taking me down. I took the pepper bottle after releasing my left hand from the fork and as he is getting too close I sway the bottle and the cap goes of letting the pepper fly free and into his eyes. He, too, screams. I smile with satisfaction in my eyes before the security of the restaurant get the hold of me.
I exhaled, if only that can happen, I am the first one to do that to her. I stood up, slapped her on the face - full swing. And as if that wasn't enough, I took the red wine glass on the table and splashed it to her face and wet her bust short white dress, smashed the wine glass on her right palm on the table and it shattered, cursed her with words I only use for special occasion, like this one. Called her a murderer slut for the last time, picked up my LV bag and walked away as if nothing had happened. As I walked away, a few waiters rushed to the table and the sound of removed pieces of glasses made me smile the whole day!
10 February 2010
This piece of satisfaction
I put down the brush, took a few steps back, indulged the piece in front of me and then, it happened: a sudden feeling that I haven't felt in such a long time - SATISFACTION. I carved a cheeky smile to myself, feeling contented, feeling happy. I know I was never good at it. But Get Crafty developed my sense of art. Once upon a time, I didn't even know what shading is, but now... Lets leave that to that. I don't even wanna go there.
As I was staring at the piece, my mom startled me by putting her hand on my shoulder. I jumped. She laughed. I said cheekily "You startled me,". She laughed again.
"You know what honey," she continued, " You are becoming more and more like your father... every day,"
"Is it because I have this craving for painting this past week?"
"Something I like that, I guess," She said.
I kept quite, my words died as the whole conversation settled down in my brain.
"That is a very explosive piece! you have a lot of colours there," she complemented, trying to change the subject and continued, "This will be number three in less than a week, huh?"
"Yerp," I added "It makes me satisfied,"
"I can see that when u do that smile you always did,"
"You saw?" I asked, jaw dropped by 2 cm.
"Of course. You were too busy looking at it," She ruffled my hair and started to walk into her house.
I smiled (while redid my hair) and told myself that I am more than ready to spend the next month with her, while I have the chance to do that.
As I was staring at the piece, my mom startled me by putting her hand on my shoulder. I jumped. She laughed. I said cheekily "You startled me,". She laughed again.
"You know what honey," she continued, " You are becoming more and more like your father... every day,"
"Is it because I have this craving for painting this past week?"
"Something I like that, I guess," She said.
I kept quite, my words died as the whole conversation settled down in my brain.
"That is a very explosive piece! you have a lot of colours there," she complemented, trying to change the subject and continued, "This will be number three in less than a week, huh?"
"Yerp," I added "It makes me satisfied,"
"I can see that when u do that smile you always did,"
"You saw?" I asked, jaw dropped by 2 cm.
"Of course. You were too busy looking at it," She ruffled my hair and started to walk into her house.
I smiled (while redid my hair) and told myself that I am more than ready to spend the next month with her, while I have the chance to do that.
02 February 2010
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"
10.25 am: What happened to this place? Where did all the craft go?
10.29 am: What??!!
10.31 am: Fuck!! Fuck!! Fuck!! Lets go honey.
10.29 am: What??!!
10.31 am: Fuck!! Fuck!! Fuck!! Lets go honey.
31 January 2010
Along the way
A single mattress was positioned in front of the telly with a clean sheet and pillows with fresh floral-scented pillow cases. The mattress was pushed to the white wall in contrast of my face, covered with dry blood, blue black eye and my huge upper lips (take that Angelina Jolie!). The programmes changed on the telly but I was unable to pay attention to any of it. The like of the programmes on the telly was the same as groups of people took turn to sit, 6 to 10 people in one go, with mixture of expressions on their faces, sad with tears, worried with thousands of questions and restless at the sight of the injuries on my both arms. There I was, sitting with my back against the wall facing those people who were gathering since the news spread- trying, very hard, to put a smile on my ragged face.
I could hear larger crowd gathering at the common area of my mom's house, in the living room even in... oh my... the kitchen. Some of my mom's friends were helping her preparing some tea for the visitors - this includes some munchies to go along with it. My sister-in-law was one of those people who kept on going inside and out of the kitchen putting more and more munchies as the piles of people waiting for their turn to see me. As for my mom, she tried to entertain as many people as she could while answering one thousand and one questions from voices in random parts of the house. She held back her tears most of the times but got emotional when people who are quite close to her started to cry when she greeted them.
There were many people, some I recognized and some were in the blurry part of the mind - friends, relatives as far as from my hometown to neighbours, visited me with great concern for me. The thought that kept on repeating in my head was nothing but "What did I do to deserve all of this concerns from all of this people?" and I answered easy, "I don't deserve this, God is being kind to you,". At that moment, it touched me. God wants me to know that the most important thing is not what you chase in life, but what you gather along the way. It got me thinking, at the end of the day, these people are the ones you need along the way in achieving and celebrating your dreams: loving family, good friends and caring people around you - not your posh two-door ride, or a huge crib, fancy gadgets or flawless fame. I was blessed in a way that I have a lot of them (friends and family that love me back rather than stick with me when they need me and throw you away when they are done with you) and I can't quite thank them enough for making me feel loved, cared and concerned for at that moment. It is suck to think that the only people who cared for you are only your parents, your wife and your 2 children and it stops there, less then the amount of fingers on your body. That scares me - big time.
I could hear larger crowd gathering at the common area of my mom's house, in the living room even in... oh my... the kitchen. Some of my mom's friends were helping her preparing some tea for the visitors - this includes some munchies to go along with it. My sister-in-law was one of those people who kept on going inside and out of the kitchen putting more and more munchies as the piles of people waiting for their turn to see me. As for my mom, she tried to entertain as many people as she could while answering one thousand and one questions from voices in random parts of the house. She held back her tears most of the times but got emotional when people who are quite close to her started to cry when she greeted them.
There were many people, some I recognized and some were in the blurry part of the mind - friends, relatives as far as from my hometown to neighbours, visited me with great concern for me. The thought that kept on repeating in my head was nothing but "What did I do to deserve all of this concerns from all of this people?" and I answered easy, "I don't deserve this, God is being kind to you,". At that moment, it touched me. God wants me to know that the most important thing is not what you chase in life, but what you gather along the way. It got me thinking, at the end of the day, these people are the ones you need along the way in achieving and celebrating your dreams: loving family, good friends and caring people around you - not your posh two-door ride, or a huge crib, fancy gadgets or flawless fame. I was blessed in a way that I have a lot of them (friends and family that love me back rather than stick with me when they need me and throw you away when they are done with you) and I can't quite thank them enough for making me feel loved, cared and concerned for at that moment. It is suck to think that the only people who cared for you are only your parents, your wife and your 2 children and it stops there, less then the amount of fingers on your body. That scares me - big time.
23 November 2009
A GOOD ONE
The cool breeze that swept the whole of my body made it way past my bed from the glass sliding door, to the door of my new room and went out the other sliding door in the dining room. The chill (and the beeping of my phone) woke me up with a long, satisfied smile on my face. I flipped my phone, read the text, flipped it close and put it next to my pillow. Slowly, I sat myself on my single bed and scratch my chest (don't even wonder)before putting on my shorts and t-shirt. With boulders attached to my feet I walked to the entrance lazily, opened the door and slid the gate. There they were. My brother, Edmund and Mellisa (now happily married)waiting for me to send them to work. Edmund will be taking the bullet and Mellisa is working as a kindergarten teacher now not far from the bullet station. So I drove them there.
Today was the second day I sent and picked them up. Yesterday, while waiting for Mellisa to come back from work, I treated my little brother with an ice cream and iced chocolate and that made his day (it was his first few days of school holidays btw). Later that night, we watched G-FORCE together while lying in front of the telly and he was memorizing the script.
I felt good spending time with my mom too, though she kept on saying I am smelly. hehehe. We talked about past, present and future, and she is quite happy with what I am going through. She just wanted whats best for me. I love you, Mom.
Every once in a while, I received text(s) and call(s) from my dear Mr. Zorro. For a typical-male-ego-type-of-guy, he sure is sweet.
Though I didn't do much for my 2-day break but I think I make full use of it with my family! I have to say, its a good one.
Today was the second day I sent and picked them up. Yesterday, while waiting for Mellisa to come back from work, I treated my little brother with an ice cream and iced chocolate and that made his day (it was his first few days of school holidays btw). Later that night, we watched G-FORCE together while lying in front of the telly and he was memorizing the script.
I felt good spending time with my mom too, though she kept on saying I am smelly. hehehe. We talked about past, present and future, and she is quite happy with what I am going through. She just wanted whats best for me. I love you, Mom.
Every once in a while, I received text(s) and call(s) from my dear Mr. Zorro. For a typical-male-ego-type-of-guy, he sure is sweet.
Though I didn't do much for my 2-day break but I think I make full use of it with my family! I have to say, its a good one.
20 November 2009
ERM... PANAS (tone high pitch, expression excited)
Apa yang boleh dikata apabila kita rasa kita suke tapi sebenarnya kita tahu kita lebih dari itu?
Well, my friend, that is what (everyone agrees) we call DENIAL.
So, salah ke kalau kita menidakkan perasaan tu untuk beberapa ketika untuk menguji kejituan tujahan rasa cinta itu?
I have to say too much of it can actually kill it... Unless that is the whole IDEA...
ERM... PANAS (tone: high pitch, expression: excited)
SOOOO... That IS the whole IDEA?
dah tu?
I just DONT get you...
Ade jer yang paham... tapi tgk situasi laa... whether or not they want to understand or stay in denial...
Agreed!
ERM... PANAS (tone: high pitch, expression: excited)
Well, my friend, that is what (everyone agrees) we call DENIAL.
So, salah ke kalau kita menidakkan perasaan tu untuk beberapa ketika untuk menguji kejituan tujahan rasa cinta itu?
I have to say too much of it can actually kill it... Unless that is the whole IDEA...
ERM... PANAS (tone: high pitch, expression: excited)
SOOOO... That IS the whole IDEA?
dah tu?
I just DONT get you...
Ade jer yang paham... tapi tgk situasi laa... whether or not they want to understand or stay in denial...
Agreed!
ERM... PANAS (tone: high pitch, expression: excited)
08 October 2009
ages ago....
Well, life is different now. Seriously it is. But there are things that stay the way they are since the beginning of time. And here are some of those:
24 on the forehead
I should wear a sign on my forehead saying that I am 24 and not some stupid Form 4 students who easily fall for you for a candy. So, I can push away underage idiots who try to hit on me... yerp... you read that rite.... and for no reason at all, I enjoy, very much, their attention - I do, really... sheesh... stop making faces people... hahaha...
Love hunter
I think I was way pass that but actually I am not. I hunt love these days but never actually feel ready to commit to it... I either disappear into thin air or just broke their hearts. But one thing I know for sure... I will not turn around again, no matter how sweet the words used to win me back again... (anna: dont say that I am denying my feeling to a certain someone, I am not denying it - tetibe kilat sambung menyambung cam taw2 jer aku menipu.... hahaha...) And yes, I still hunt love fashionably.
Bubbly
I really thought the bubbly-ness that I have will fade away... But it sticks to me like a mating couple of Limulus Polyphemus... Sheesh... No wonder boys love me... OOOPS... Repetitive statement...
Shopping
Wooo.... This is something that has never changed for like what 27 years of my life? I mean.... Yea, it means what it really means.... You get me? MAYBE... hahaha....
Well, I guess, the long silence was a bliss that gives me a very good span of time to think and get back on track with my life... Of course there are changes to be done, both majors and minors, but hey, I am adaptive to my surrounding, I can do this..
LOVE!
CHILL!!
BLISS!!!
24 on the forehead
I should wear a sign on my forehead saying that I am 24 and not some stupid Form 4 students who easily fall for you for a candy. So, I can push away underage idiots who try to hit on me... yerp... you read that rite.... and for no reason at all, I enjoy, very much, their attention - I do, really... sheesh... stop making faces people... hahaha...
Love hunter
I think I was way pass that but actually I am not. I hunt love these days but never actually feel ready to commit to it... I either disappear into thin air or just broke their hearts. But one thing I know for sure... I will not turn around again, no matter how sweet the words used to win me back again... (anna: dont say that I am denying my feeling to a certain someone, I am not denying it - tetibe kilat sambung menyambung cam taw2 jer aku menipu.... hahaha...) And yes, I still hunt love fashionably.
Bubbly
I really thought the bubbly-ness that I have will fade away... But it sticks to me like a mating couple of Limulus Polyphemus... Sheesh... No wonder boys love me... OOOPS... Repetitive statement...
Shopping
Wooo.... This is something that has never changed for like what 27 years of my life? I mean.... Yea, it means what it really means.... You get me? MAYBE... hahaha....
Well, I guess, the long silence was a bliss that gives me a very good span of time to think and get back on track with my life... Of course there are changes to be done, both majors and minors, but hey, I am adaptive to my surrounding, I can do this..
LOVE!
CHILL!!
BLISS!!!
12 August 2009
Split second
"So," He put down his fork and knife, lifted his face a little, and looked straight into my eyes. He was in his casual look - jeans, sneakers, AX t-shirt on worked out biceps and six packs, spiky short hair and the best thing is, he doesn't seem his age. He's supposed to look like a father of a girl and someone's husband. He looks like just a year or two older than I am. His deep black eyes pierced mine that bring me back to reality. He was expecting an answer.
"It is hard for me to adjust to my new found title," I whispered.
"I can see that it is not that bad," he gestured to a small plastic bag on the chair.
"Well, I don't earn as much as you do. but I'll survived,"
"Talking about that, would you like to come and join us?" He sipped his red wine but his eyes never left mine.
"Join you as in leaving Malaysia?" I started not to like the idea of moving away.
"Yes, Martha. You know the drill especially in your situation rite now. You need something new to ease the pain," He said in that voice of his. Both concern and authoritative.
"But I like it here," I said. I recollected what happened of about 4 - 5 years back. he held my hands in his, with almost teary eyes. He was trying to say something. But he needed to gather his courage to speak something. I was petrified, it was the crowded airport and he was waiting for his flight. He didn't want to let go of my hands. In the background, I could hear the announcement of final call for his flight. and finally after what seemed to be an eternity, he said the line that will be in my head for the rest of my life - "I love you I do, no matter how hard I try to love other people, you will definitely have that special place in my heart til the end of time. Come with me to New Zealand. Lets start a new life," I was dumbstruck. I couldn't even move. He took in a deep breath, knowing how hard headed I can be. "If that the case... I'll be right beside you if you need just about anything. Name it and I'll try my best to get it for you," with that he hugged me and kissed my lips.
"Martha, are you quite here?" Startled, I knocked down my almost empty glass. But my reflects surprised me when there was not a drop of red wine on the white table cloth. "Sorry I startled you,"
"Its okay," I said. Smiled sheepishly at him and managed to look into his eyes.
"I want you to think about it," He said, trying to persuade me. Although I might already know your answer.
"It is hard for me to adjust to my new found title," I whispered.
"I can see that it is not that bad," he gestured to a small plastic bag on the chair.
"Well, I don't earn as much as you do. but I'll survived,"
"Talking about that, would you like to come and join us?" He sipped his red wine but his eyes never left mine.
"Join you as in leaving Malaysia?" I started not to like the idea of moving away.
"Yes, Martha. You know the drill especially in your situation rite now. You need something new to ease the pain," He said in that voice of his. Both concern and authoritative.
"But I like it here," I said. I recollected what happened of about 4 - 5 years back. he held my hands in his, with almost teary eyes. He was trying to say something. But he needed to gather his courage to speak something. I was petrified, it was the crowded airport and he was waiting for his flight. He didn't want to let go of my hands. In the background, I could hear the announcement of final call for his flight. and finally after what seemed to be an eternity, he said the line that will be in my head for the rest of my life - "I love you I do, no matter how hard I try to love other people, you will definitely have that special place in my heart til the end of time. Come with me to New Zealand. Lets start a new life," I was dumbstruck. I couldn't even move. He took in a deep breath, knowing how hard headed I can be. "If that the case... I'll be right beside you if you need just about anything. Name it and I'll try my best to get it for you," with that he hugged me and kissed my lips.
"Martha, are you quite here?" Startled, I knocked down my almost empty glass. But my reflects surprised me when there was not a drop of red wine on the white table cloth. "Sorry I startled you,"
"Its okay," I said. Smiled sheepishly at him and managed to look into his eyes.
"I want you to think about it," He said, trying to persuade me. Although I might already know your answer.
19 July 2009
You should have just went for it....
The bullet was not empty but not too crowded at the same time. After a good few minutes of sitting side by side on the bench with hubs, the bullet let out eager passengers, some with Monday Blues look all over their face and soon enough Hub and I were slowly and patiently boarded the bullet - facing the other entrance as Hub would get off at the next station. The closing door shut the exterior noises and slid on the steel railway with appropriate speed.
Soon, the bullet slowed down and I looked at Hub, he has this adoring look in his eyes that all of the sudden gave me a great joy - there's something in his mind that is engineering something. The bullet stop to a halt. He reached for my hand, I kissed it as usual, and he kissed mine - the rule of equality hehehe. Then he said a hug - I hug him back. And then it clicked to me, he wanted to kiss me! but I was having doubts of him doing it and he seemed unsure of it. Then, he asked - "nak kiss," with pouting lips. I don't know where it came from, scanning my surrounding, I said no. BUT lord I wished he would have kissed me on the cheek! That will be so cute. smiling sigh.
Soon, the bullet slowed down and I looked at Hub, he has this adoring look in his eyes that all of the sudden gave me a great joy - there's something in his mind that is engineering something. The bullet stop to a halt. He reached for my hand, I kissed it as usual, and he kissed mine - the rule of equality hehehe. Then he said a hug - I hug him back. And then it clicked to me, he wanted to kiss me! but I was having doubts of him doing it and he seemed unsure of it. Then, he asked - "nak kiss," with pouting lips. I don't know where it came from, scanning my surrounding, I said no. BUT lord I wished he would have kissed me on the cheek! That will be so cute. smiling sigh.
15 July 2009
The cute and adorable sunshine...
So as I was slouching in my seat, in front of the lappie in the office, I dragged the cursor and clicked on a box that was always ticked previously, led my eyes to read: invisible to everyone. With a short breath, I presumed what will happened in the next 5 minutes.
Dang! My premonition was imprecise. I dont even have to wait for 5 minutes it only take them 10 seconds to fill the entire screen with of about 6 to 7 yahoo messenger boxes. I skimmed and scanned through the boxes, reading the first few words they slammed into the boxes, I exhaled.
Some of them typed "hey cutie", "adory!!", and all the praises you can find there... I didn't reply to any of them. except for one box that caught my eyes... Her first few words were: rindu ur sunshine
Instantly, I wrote in the status section as The Missing A.... simply take away the last letter A from my name "Martha" and you get a name of a lunar crater. Thats how I feel - Just like a lunar crater.
Dang! My premonition was imprecise. I dont even have to wait for 5 minutes it only take them 10 seconds to fill the entire screen with of about 6 to 7 yahoo messenger boxes. I skimmed and scanned through the boxes, reading the first few words they slammed into the boxes, I exhaled.
Some of them typed "hey cutie", "adory!!", and all the praises you can find there... I didn't reply to any of them. except for one box that caught my eyes... Her first few words were: rindu ur sunshine
Instantly, I wrote in the status section as The Missing A.... simply take away the last letter A from my name "Martha" and you get a name of a lunar crater. Thats how I feel - Just like a lunar crater.
05 July 2009
She must have thought the same thing
Matsuda's black chic shirt fits me perfectly, my new pair of boots (which my hub gave me for my birthday), my long pants skinny fit and my lappie bag boosted my confidence trotting into an empty bullet (which rarely happened in the past) heading to the office across town. I settled, standing up - as I don't exercise as much these days only to realize I didn't bring my book with me. Great!! I am going to take in as much as possible the scenery around me - that means looking at other people.
As I was scanning my surrounding, the bullet stop to a halt at Joela Tech Station. Came in a throng of eager (some were sleep walking still) people into the tiny segment of the train. Among many people smelling brands of expensive perfume (I sprayed some generic perfume... LOL) one caught my eyes... and nose too. Trailing the lingering sweet scent of Britney Spears' latest Hidden Fantasy was a woman who soon settled next to me. I looked at her, wild long curls, a huge sunglasses, and black shirt with long pants and a pair of heels attached neatly to her body emphasize her aura of confidence.
Wait... I spoke to myself quietly, taking the side glance of the lady.
Hold on... My cheeks were beginning to filled with high intensity rush of blood.
God, she looks exactly like me, except for the glasses! The words uttered in my mind.
I looked at her, she looked at me, exchanging smiles and we did it. Involuntarily both of us started to move away from each other she moved to her left and I moved to my right and soon enough she was out of sight. I giggled alone. What a coincidence to start a lovely Monday!
As I was scanning my surrounding, the bullet stop to a halt at Joela Tech Station. Came in a throng of eager (some were sleep walking still) people into the tiny segment of the train. Among many people smelling brands of expensive perfume (I sprayed some generic perfume... LOL) one caught my eyes... and nose too. Trailing the lingering sweet scent of Britney Spears' latest Hidden Fantasy was a woman who soon settled next to me. I looked at her, wild long curls, a huge sunglasses, and black shirt with long pants and a pair of heels attached neatly to her body emphasize her aura of confidence.
Wait... I spoke to myself quietly, taking the side glance of the lady.
Hold on... My cheeks were beginning to filled with high intensity rush of blood.
God, she looks exactly like me, except for the glasses! The words uttered in my mind.
I looked at her, she looked at me, exchanging smiles and we did it. Involuntarily both of us started to move away from each other she moved to her left and I moved to my right and soon enough she was out of sight. I giggled alone. What a coincidence to start a lovely Monday!
12 June 2009
The Family Gathering
Nervously, I walked slowly towards my uncle's room. He injured his leg in an accident. Seriously, it has been ages since I last talked to him. The mental picture you'll have in mind would have been in a form of an old man, white hair, glasses on, but he is not, really.
My uncle is at the age of 24, yup, the same age as mine. But the title comes from the family tree in which his father is my grandfather's cousin. Hence, his father is my grand uncle and he is my uncle. Complicated? Tell me that when I tried to understand my lineage at the age of 4. We literally grew up together. We went to the same primary school, and moved on to the same secondary school. But after high school, it was hard for us to take care of what we had as we went separate ways. We see each other once in awhile, formal functions like weddings and dinners but you can sorta feel the gap inflicted. And did I mention, he is kinda good looking too. I laughed off to that thought as I stepped into his room.
"Hey Martha," He said, chirpy as if expecting me, trying hard by slowly standing up to greet me. He extended his hand, I greeted it with a huge grin on my face and gave him a hug. He hugged me back. And then he started to breathe faster. I was like, erm, is he orgasm-ing ?
"I think you stepped on my broken foot," He said.
I laughed and sat on the bed. He too, half smiling and half in pain - you can't miss the expression, did the same. Without hesitation, I blurted it out.
"I am kinda afraid," I looked into his eyes. I have no one to turn to (although I practically talked to basically all my family members about this issue except for my mom but they don't face this situation altogether).
"Why?" He asked as he flipped open his lappie.
"Edmund is getting married, and I am not going to anytime soon," He started to pound the keys on the keyboard.
"And what's the problem?" He said calmly.
"People will start to ask me when will it be my time to get married,"I said.
"Hey chill. people will ask me more," Puzzled by his answer I looked at him.
"I am your uncle remember. People will definitely ask me that. But, if you are quite afraid to face the crowd tonight, stay on my side. I'll call a few friends to come so that you have your own crowd," He said, flipped close his lappie and moved to pick his phone from under the pillow.
In an instant, I felt safe and secure. I smiled for the first time in the duration of 6 hours.
My uncle is at the age of 24, yup, the same age as mine. But the title comes from the family tree in which his father is my grandfather's cousin. Hence, his father is my grand uncle and he is my uncle. Complicated? Tell me that when I tried to understand my lineage at the age of 4. We literally grew up together. We went to the same primary school, and moved on to the same secondary school. But after high school, it was hard for us to take care of what we had as we went separate ways. We see each other once in awhile, formal functions like weddings and dinners but you can sorta feel the gap inflicted. And did I mention, he is kinda good looking too. I laughed off to that thought as I stepped into his room.
"Hey Martha," He said, chirpy as if expecting me, trying hard by slowly standing up to greet me. He extended his hand, I greeted it with a huge grin on my face and gave him a hug. He hugged me back. And then he started to breathe faster. I was like, erm, is he orgasm-ing ?
"I think you stepped on my broken foot," He said.
I laughed and sat on the bed. He too, half smiling and half in pain - you can't miss the expression, did the same. Without hesitation, I blurted it out.
"I am kinda afraid," I looked into his eyes. I have no one to turn to (although I practically talked to basically all my family members about this issue except for my mom but they don't face this situation altogether).
"Why?" He asked as he flipped open his lappie.
"Edmund is getting married, and I am not going to anytime soon," He started to pound the keys on the keyboard.
"And what's the problem?" He said calmly.
"People will start to ask me when will it be my time to get married,"I said.
"Hey chill. people will ask me more," Puzzled by his answer I looked at him.
"I am your uncle remember. People will definitely ask me that. But, if you are quite afraid to face the crowd tonight, stay on my side. I'll call a few friends to come so that you have your own crowd," He said, flipped close his lappie and moved to pick his phone from under the pillow.
In an instant, I felt safe and secure. I smiled for the first time in the duration of 6 hours.
11 June 2009
menjawab tag Max J Potter
1) Bekas kekasih saya – banyak!! hahaha....
2) Saya sedang mendengar - lagu tema farm town application kat facebook
3) Mungkin saya patut – berhenti ape - ape yang patot saye berhenti...
4) Saya suka – maen.
5) Sahabat-sahabat saya – tak ramai, jadik saye perlu jage mereka sebaik mungkin...
6) Saya tak faham – macam mane nak pecah kan zarah proton dan elektron untuk menghasilkan satu tenaga yang lebih besar.
7) Saya kehilangan – banyak mase senggang saye! saye sangat tensi....
8) Ramai yang berkata – I am a lovable person...
9) Cinta itu adalah – penyeksaan bagi mereka yang tidak menghargai nya tetapi anugerah bagi yang menjaganya
10) Di suatu tempat, seseorang sedang – makan nasi... pasal saya sangat lapar skunk!
11) Saya akan cuba – bekerja dengan lebih keras!
12) Perkataan SELAMANYA membawa maksud – anak perempuan Pak Cik Selamat
13) Telefon bimbit saya – cantik! erm... z555i sony ericsson
14) Bila saya terjaga – saya tidak tidor
15) Saya paling meluat – menyelesaikan masalah hati!
16) Pesta/parti adalah – hari jadi saya kat lecka - lecka, bukit bintang, 26 june 2009! (8.30 malam)
17) Haiwan yang paling comel pernah saya temui – guinea pig! my jane....
18) Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan saya ialah – i live life to the fullest... so every day is....
19) Hari ini – Day 14 back counting to my birthday party!!
20) Malam ini saya akan – melakukan aktiviti physical!
21) Esok pula saya akan – kerja kat art class...
22) Saya betul-betul inginkan – vacation yang panjang dan lama!
23) Ketika anda lihat wajah anda di hadapan cermin pagi ini – saye serabai...
24) Pusat membeli-belah atau arked permainan – Shopping malls!!! i love to window shop...
25) Makanan Barat atau Jepun? – i eat just about everything... hahaha......
26) Bilik yang terang atau gelap? – a dark one.... baru laa best to sleep....
27) Makanan segera adalah – makanan yang tak berapa nak segera sebenarnya....
28) Ayat terakhir yang anda telah katakan pada seseorang – mane grapes awak mat arip?
29) Siapa yang anda ingin tag: semua followers saya: except Max.... kalau die wat agy... nanti die dah wat dua kali....
2) Saya sedang mendengar - lagu tema farm town application kat facebook
3) Mungkin saya patut – berhenti ape - ape yang patot saye berhenti...
4) Saya suka – maen.
5) Sahabat-sahabat saya – tak ramai, jadik saye perlu jage mereka sebaik mungkin...
6) Saya tak faham – macam mane nak pecah kan zarah proton dan elektron untuk menghasilkan satu tenaga yang lebih besar.
7) Saya kehilangan – banyak mase senggang saye! saye sangat tensi....
8) Ramai yang berkata – I am a lovable person...
9) Cinta itu adalah – penyeksaan bagi mereka yang tidak menghargai nya tetapi anugerah bagi yang menjaganya
10) Di suatu tempat, seseorang sedang – makan nasi... pasal saya sangat lapar skunk!
11) Saya akan cuba – bekerja dengan lebih keras!
12) Perkataan SELAMANYA membawa maksud – anak perempuan Pak Cik Selamat
13) Telefon bimbit saya – cantik! erm... z555i sony ericsson
14) Bila saya terjaga – saya tidak tidor
15) Saya paling meluat – menyelesaikan masalah hati!
16) Pesta/parti adalah – hari jadi saya kat lecka - lecka, bukit bintang, 26 june 2009! (8.30 malam)
17) Haiwan yang paling comel pernah saya temui – guinea pig! my jane....
18) Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan saya ialah – i live life to the fullest... so every day is....
19) Hari ini – Day 14 back counting to my birthday party!!
20) Malam ini saya akan – melakukan aktiviti physical!
21) Esok pula saya akan – kerja kat art class...
22) Saya betul-betul inginkan – vacation yang panjang dan lama!
23) Ketika anda lihat wajah anda di hadapan cermin pagi ini – saye serabai...
24) Pusat membeli-belah atau arked permainan – Shopping malls!!! i love to window shop...
25) Makanan Barat atau Jepun? – i eat just about everything... hahaha......
26) Bilik yang terang atau gelap? – a dark one.... baru laa best to sleep....
27) Makanan segera adalah – makanan yang tak berapa nak segera sebenarnya....
28) Ayat terakhir yang anda telah katakan pada seseorang – mane grapes awak mat arip?
29) Siapa yang anda ingin tag: semua followers saya: except Max.... kalau die wat agy... nanti die dah wat dua kali....
10 June 2009
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