Things I WANT

1) Get a new car
2) Make sure that I start saving some money (in insurance, fixed acc, or what not)
3) Get a new Phone (erm... I'm targeting Motorola V9, LG Ice Cream, or SE Z555i)
4) Go vacation!
5) Make lotsa money!
6) Be happier with what I have rather than what I dont
7) Make the best out time. Cause I have a limited time off.

A year numbered with combination of 2-0-0-8

The year has finally come to an end as the new dawn of 2009 approaches, with new visions and spirit as they will eventually faded soon enough.

2008

I'm not blaming the things that happened but I really appreciate the things that happened; they make me stronger everyday. Combination of events that show me the true meaning of life.

The thing is, I don't really like 2008. It is a year of sacrifices for me. I had gone through a lot and some of them I really don't want to repeat them. Its like a paranoia to me and things are getting worse. I let things come and I don't control them anymore. In exchange I let situations control me. It's a new way of adapting to my surrounding. Struggling real hard to at least have a meaning in my everyday life. I want to continue to give as I am giving people around me and sometimes I can feel the heat residing in my both cheeks. I just hope that all of this can be forgotten so that I can move on.

I lost my car. I had to continue study elsewhere so I can earn some money. I let myself down by making other people's day. I gave up my freedom by inviting my mom into the same compound of my working space. I gave up my feelings so that people around me can get what they want. And do people ask me what I want for myself? Think again.

It is not totally a suck year though. I learned a lot of things out of the sacrifices that I have to go through. I learned to never ask for what you want because it will always turned you down - Giving without asking a favor in return.

I reached two year anniversary with Mr Frank. I was the happiest person when the clock stroke 12 on the 18th of August. I am proud of myself for things I've done to stay in this relationship. I am blessed that I can still survive everyday with the love of my love. It is not too much if i say this, I am eager to sacrifice for this love that I am having as I have been through with the greatest test in my life in regards of love. So anything else won't matter after this - yes people, that includes my dreams because I can't answer Anna's question of what do you wanna do for your own self right now and up to now, I don't have the answer yet. So live as life comes. Expect the unexpected. My stories of happiness and sadness are with my lovely sister - Anna.

Anna R is a blessing in my life. I got to know her of about a year ago and ever since we were as close as twins. There are happy times we went through together. She was there all year round. She listened to my heart and soul; all my pains and all my hopes. She is the best thing I have ever had in my life. And working with her is so awesome!

I love my work! I love my job! It's the best thing that I could ever wish for. It keeps me happy even in the deepest and darkest valley. I am hooked up with my works.

Basically it is not that bad. I kinda love it. It means so much to me that I will never forget 2008. NEVER THINK OF GETTING FOR THINGS YOU HAVE GIVEN OR DONE.

The year has finally come to an end as the new dawn of 2009 approaches, with new visions and spirit as they will eventually faded soon enough.

Tuberose

Mr. Frank knows my obsession towards plants - and specifically tuberose. The smell is amazing especially when night takes it turn as day gives way. Pretty white buds of tuberose from long greenish stalks prettified the natural order of its own in its own way.

People asked me frequently why do I love tuberose so much. I don't know how to answer that. All I can think of is how it is similar to the nature that I was born with. People won't like me until they get to know me - just like tuberose; they can't smell the sweet scent unless they really know them. They are different from other flowers as they only scented during the night. Maybe then, if they have the patience to wait, they appreciate the flower. To others, who has lack of knowledge, they won't even notice that tuberose exists - and they are in great loss.

today, he bought me 4 stalks of tuberose and I was so excited. I mean, the flower represents who I really am. Think again....

Time Ticks Fast

Before I realized it, Edmund is getting married next year. He's big enough but I can't stop myself from trying to cut down the mixed emotion that is building in. He WILL get married next year. How fast time ticks and that all around me people are changing and So am I. And I take them in as I look at life differently from what I did previously. A process of growing up.

Congratulation to me!

As I was walking in the dark cinema, I realized something - I am actually doing something good for myself. I am trying hard to stop smoking!The realization occupied my mind and I stepped on a Chinese lady's foot, wobbled I hit the head of a movie patron in the lower seating before stepping on Anna's foot and I sat on my chair in embarrassment covering my face with both palms. And The Spirit was rather dull!

I am trying hard to stop smoking for the second time in my life. I have stopped once, a year before I met Mr. Frank and then of about 7 or 8 months ago the urges were so strong I gave in. I started smoking openly and before I knew it I smoked a lot.

Now, for the past a few weeks, I have decided to stop smoking. Now, people said that, its hard to quite but know this, I am now holding a ciggie box of 10 days with four more ciggies in it. I know its not a big achievement yet, but hey, I am making some sort of improvement here.

So much so, I would like to congratulate myself for that!

Just...

When he passes me by, he's a ray of light
Like the first drop of sun from the sky
And I know he's a king, who deserves a queen
But i'm not a Queen
And he doesn't see me

When he dances he moves me to a smile
I see everything near his shine
There is a grace in his ways I can't contain
I don't have that grace
So he doesn't see me

And the closer I get I can't help but hide
So ashamed of my body and voice
There are boundaries we pass in spite of the war
But our own, we can't seem to cross

She has a way that surrounds him, so delicate
With a glory that reigns in his life
She is also so much that he is not
But these things they don't see
And he doesn't see me

There are things we can change if we just choose to fight
But the walls of injustice are high

When he passes me by, he's a ray of light
Like the first drop of sun from the sky

And i know hes a king who deserves a queen
Someone other than me
Different from me
He doesn't see me
He doesn't see me

Hehehe...

Sleepily I dragged my feet out of the bullet, hanged my lappie bag on my shoulder and started to climb the stairs to the ticket machines. I could see a lot of people started to pile up at the ticket machines. Great. I told myself. There was no station officer. So, we were stuck there. I push the intercom - no answer. Passengers were getting really upset and a mak cik of about 56 years old squatted and crawled under the blocker of the machine. And others started to follow. Soon enough you can see a lot of acts of avoiding the steel blocker. you can see people go over the blocker underneath it and the side of it. Mr. Frank went under while I went to the side. He said "You are lucky to have small thighs,".