A Classy Lady Instead

Crappy Month

2010-07-27T07:15:00.001-07:00

She blew thick yellowish liquid into her handkerchief. She looked at it feeling disgusted and soon enough she felt a slight woosh and foosh in her head seeing stars. She grabbed the back of a chair next to her and lowered herself to sit down. This is one nasty month. Basically, her financial and health is giving her one nasty ride this month. She felt all her senses strained away from her body. Yup, you read that right. She, Martha, the one person who has always been a fighter, is really stuck in the center when everything else is attacking her from back front left and right. She felt as though she can't move. But she is not giving up. She is just gathering sometimes for herself and some strength too before she comes up with an action plan, like she has always done. But, seriously, she is at the edge of giving up and losing hope. Hopefully some divine intervention will come and rescue her before its too late.

Love,
Jeremy Swan.

Smile!

2010-07-18T06:56:00.001-07:00

You have decided this... its time to go through it and that's that. Brave it now and smile.

LOVE + HATE

2010-05-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

People around you do things when they love someone. It varies from heart-touching efforts to weird things they do. Regardless of what they did, do or will do, it all comes down to one important thing - LOVE.

Some buy food to show they care for others. Some spend lots of money to create a house of their dreams for their partner. Some work hard to support their life together. Some sing their heart out to tell those who are around her that she LOVEs each and everyone of them.

People tend to forget that LOVE itself doesn't make the whole picture perfect. It takes more than just LOVE to survey this cruel world. You can list down a thousand reasons to support it but I won't list it down for you. Its a waste of time. Those reasons keep you hiding from your fear of what might the future bring to your plate. No kidding there. The more you reason out the more secure you feel, but lie to yourself not. You know the fear or maybe fears for that matter constantly bugging you at the back of your mind. Don't let this fear eat you up alive. Resolve it. The future that you and your LOVE one will live is at stake. Will you be able to LOVE the same person with their same characters for 8 years? Will you tolerate what they are and just deal with it although you are frustrated with him/her? Will you be strong enough to succumb all their weaknesses that turns that into hatred.

People do unthinkable things when they HATE someone. It varies to jerk-proof action to the extend of serial killer. Regardless of what they did, do or will do, you have agreed to take the path together and please don't blame each other for the decision you have settled on. You end up HATE each other. And when the hatred grows, the last thing to do is to go separate ways - where other people might HATE you for doing what you think is right.

Just remember sometimes less is more. It takes three hatreds to destroy six loves in a long run. think about it before you have to face the complexity of this situation.

LOVE
Martha Moore

GLEE

2010-04-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

DANCE.

100th post...

2010-04-17T09:06:00.001-07:00

Celebrating the 100th post with the winning of Manchester United against Manchester City!! wooohoo...

When They Say They are of What They were

2010-04-11T06:57:00.000-07:00

I straighten my t-shirt, my boss, Ms. Hepburn was busy talking to her phone. I sign-languaged her to go and eat my lunch. I walked through the crowded reception area of the art center: parents saying "good job" and "that's nice" as such and of course parents who were sending their child(ren) for the first time and their excitement plus anxiety. I fished my way through, out of the main entrance, turned right and after passing through a shop I made another right turn and my legs in my loose jeans find their way out of the mall and into an open space.

As I was flipping open my "oxygen" box, I took in the view in front of me - the central park. The lake, the pavement for joggers and the bustling traffic that seemed endless. I lighted up my "oxygen" stick. Inhaled deep and let out an enormous sum of carbon dioxide. I like inhaling the "oxygen". It gives me sometime to think about a lot of things around me. One of those things was how carefree I was ages ago, in time line that is almost erased in the past.

I keep telling myself that I am still carefree, but at the back of my mind a thousand and one voices telling me that I am not and will never be able to have that again. It's not that I regretted the present, but rather I cherish the past and hope for the best in the near future. I am given many chances in life and miracle events that change my life and the path that its going and I am able to say that I am still learning to grow up. When it comes to think of it, when they say they are of what they were, it is not a bad thing at all. Its a pleasant lesson in disguise indeed.

I puffed out the final set of CO2, squashed the stick on a tray provided and started walking to the art center.

The things I did to her and her abortion story.

2010-04-06T10:45:00.000-07:00

I sat there clueless, expected but still clueless of what to say and how to react. She confessed. She confessed for god sake! One of those confession that sticks in your head forever. I can't believe it but she did it. She DID it big time!! My imagination runs wild.

I slowly pick up the fork to the left of my white shiny porcelain plate with some gourmet dish at the center that is too beautiful to be consumed. The smell of charcoal-grilled steak filled my nostril as I inhale vigorously the air into my lung. She keeps on talking as if I am okay with what she just told me. I look with a blink of an eye to the pepper bottle in front of me and starting to calculate the motion I am about to act out. I slowly put my fork down. Sway my left hand passing the plate and grab the pepper bottle and with one hand I loosen the cover of the bottle. My right hand trace the knife on the right side of the plate, estimating how deep should this thing go into her left cheek. After taking into account the time frame, I decided to do something even nastier. I pass her the pepper bottle. She takes it with a puzzled face, put it down on the right side of her plate and rest her right palm on the table. While she is uttering words that I can't comprehend I hold the knife with my right palm and glue my eyes at the pepper bottle and grab the fork. She calls my name a few times but I am lost and high in my own world. This madness has to end now. With the strength of a woman, skilfully I drive the fork on top of her right palm on the table push it hard so that the fork splits open her flesh press it hard, with one palm hoping it gets through the thick wooden table. Blood splashes all over her white Vercase short dress. She screams and everyone looks at her and some start to stand to help her. Her left palm starting to move to her right palm, reflects of moving the pain away. This is when I sway the knife I hold with my right palm, with a bit of exhaling sound from my mouth, sink the knife into her left cheek and the knife does what it do best, ripping apart her right cheek too and pull it off as fast as I can. She screams even louder with bubbles and thick red liquid dripping down her chin. I see everything in slow motion, a man is running towards me from my right side, I know what he's going to do, he's taking me down. I took the pepper bottle after releasing my left hand from the fork and as he is getting too close I sway the bottle and the cap goes of letting the pepper fly free and into his eyes. He, too, screams. I smile with satisfaction in my eyes before the security of the restaurant get the hold of me.

I exhaled, if only that can happen, I am the first one to do that to her. I stood up, slapped her on the face - full swing. And as if that wasn't enough, I took the red wine glass on the table and splashed it to her face and wet her bust short white dress, smashed the wine glass on her right palm on the table and it shattered, cursed her with words I only use for special occasion, like this one. Called her a murderer slut for the last time, picked up my LV bag and walked away as if nothing had happened. As I walked away, a few waiters rushed to the table and the sound of removed pieces of glasses made me smile the whole day!

This piece of satisfaction

2010-02-10T09:51:00.000-08:00

I put down the brush, took a few steps back, indulged the piece in front of me and then, it happened: a sudden feeling that I haven't felt in such a long time - SATISFACTION. I carved a cheeky smile to myself, feeling contented, feeling happy. I know I was never good at it. But Get Crafty developed my sense of art. Once upon a time, I didn't even know what shading is, but now... Lets leave that to that. I don't even wanna go there.

As I was staring at the piece, my mom startled me by putting her hand on my shoulder. I jumped. She laughed. I said cheekily "You startled me,". She laughed again.

"You know what honey," she continued, " You are becoming more and more like your father... every day,"

"Is it because I have this craving for painting this past week?"

"Something I like that, I guess," She said.

I kept quite, my words died as the whole conversation settled down in my brain.

"That is a very explosive piece! you have a lot of colours there," she complemented, trying to change the subject and continued, "This will be number three in less than a week, huh?"

"Yerp," I added "It makes me satisfied,"

"I can see that when u do that smile you always did,"

"You saw?" I asked, jaw dropped by 2 cm.

"Of course. You were too busy looking at it," She ruffled my hair and started to walk into her house.

I smiled (while redid my hair) and told myself that I am more than ready to spend the next month with her, while I have the chance to do that.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

2010-02-02T05:11:00.000-08:00

10.25 am: What happened to this place? Where did all the craft go?

10.29 am: What??!!

10.31 am: Fuck!! Fuck!! Fuck!! Lets go honey.

Along the way

2010-01-31T06:32:00.000-08:00

A single mattress was positioned in front of the telly with a clean sheet and pillows with fresh floral-scented pillow cases. The mattress was pushed to the white wall in contrast of my face, covered with dry blood, blue black eye and my huge upper lips (take that Angelina Jolie!). The programmes changed on the telly but I was unable to pay attention to any of it. The like of the programmes on the telly was the same as groups of people took turn to sit, 6 to 10 people in one go, with mixture of expressions on their faces, sad with tears, worried with thousands of questions and restless at the sight of the injuries on my both arms. There I was, sitting with my back against the wall facing those people who were gathering since the news spread- trying, very hard, to put a smile on my ragged face.

I could hear larger crowd gathering at the common area of my mom's house, in the living room even in... oh my... the kitchen. Some of my mom's friends were helping her preparing some tea for the visitors - this includes some munchies to go along with it. My sister-in-law was one of those people who kept on going inside and out of the kitchen putting more and more munchies as the piles of people waiting for their turn to see me. As for my mom, she tried to entertain as many people as she could while answering one thousand and one questions from voices in random parts of the house. She held back her tears most of the times but got emotional when people who are quite close to her started to cry when she greeted them.

There were many people, some I recognized and some were in the blurry part of the mind - friends, relatives as far as from my hometown to neighbours, visited me with great concern for me. The thought that kept on repeating in my head was nothing but "What did I do to deserve all of this concerns from all of this people?" and I answered easy, "I don't deserve this, God is being kind to you,". At that moment, it touched me. God wants me to know that the most important thing is not what you chase in life, but what you gather along the way. It got me thinking, at the end of the day, these people are the ones you need along the way in achieving and celebrating your dreams: loving family, good friends and caring people around you - not your posh two-door ride, or a huge crib, fancy gadgets or flawless fame. I was blessed in a way that I have a lot of them (friends and family that love me back rather than stick with me when they need me and throw you away when they are done with you) and I can't quite thank them enough for making me feel loved, cared and concerned for at that moment. It is suck to think that the only people who cared for you are only your parents, your wife and your 2 children and it stops there, less then the amount of fingers on your body. That scares me - big time.

A GOOD ONE

2009-11-23T19:53:00.000-08:00

The cool breeze that swept the whole of my body made it way past my bed from the glass sliding door, to the door of my new room and went out the other sliding door in the dining room. The chill (and the beeping of my phone) woke me up with a long, satisfied smile on my face. I flipped my phone, read the text, flipped it close and put it next to my pillow. Slowly, I sat myself on my single bed and scratch my chest (don't even wonder)before putting on my shorts and t-shirt. With boulders attached to my feet I walked to the entrance lazily, opened the door and slid the gate. There they were. My brother, Edmund and Mellisa (now happily married)waiting for me to send them to work. Edmund will be taking the bullet and Mellisa is working as a kindergarten teacher now not far from the bullet station. So I drove them there.

Today was the second day I sent and picked them up. Yesterday, while waiting for Mellisa to come back from work, I treated my little brother with an ice cream and iced chocolate and that made his day (it was his first few days of school holidays btw). Later that night, we watched G-FORCE together while lying in front of the telly and he was memorizing the script.

I felt good spending time with my mom too, though she kept on saying I am smelly. hehehe. We talked about past, present and future, and she is quite happy with what I am going through. She just wanted whats best for me. I love you, Mom.

Every once in a while, I received text(s) and call(s) from my dear Mr. Zorro. For a typical-male-ego-type-of-guy, he sure is sweet.

Though I didn't do much for my 2-day break but I think I make full use of it with my family! I have to say, its a good one.

ERM... PANAS (tone high pitch, expression excited)

2009-11-20T07:37:00.000-08:00

Apa yang boleh dikata apabila kita rasa kita suke tapi sebenarnya kita tahu kita lebih dari itu?

Well, my friend, that is what (everyone agrees) we call DENIAL.

So, salah ke kalau kita menidakkan perasaan tu untuk beberapa ketika untuk menguji kejituan tujahan rasa cinta itu?

I have to say too much of it can actually kill it... Unless that is the whole IDEA...

ERM... PANAS (tone: high pitch, expression: excited)

SOOOO... That IS the whole IDEA?

dah tu?

I just DONT get you...

Ade jer yang paham... tapi tgk situasi laa... whether or not they want to understand or stay in denial...

Agreed!

ERM... PANAS (tone: high pitch, expression: excited)

ages ago....

2009-10-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

Well, life is different now. Seriously it is. But there are things that stay the way they are since the beginning of time. And here are some of those:

24 on the forehead

I should wear a sign on my forehead saying that I am 24 and not some stupid Form 4 students who easily fall for you for a candy. So, I can push away underage idiots who try to hit on me... yerp... you read that rite.... and for no reason at all, I enjoy, very much, their attention - I do, really... sheesh... stop making faces people... hahaha...

Love hunter

I think I was way pass that but actually I am not. I hunt love these days but never actually feel ready to commit to it... I either disappear into thin air or just broke their hearts. But one thing I know for sure... I will not turn around again, no matter how sweet the words used to win me back again... (anna: dont say that I am denying my feeling to a certain someone, I am not denying it - tetibe kilat sambung menyambung cam taw2 jer aku menipu.... hahaha...) And yes, I still hunt love fashionably.

Bubbly

I really thought the bubbly-ness that I have will fade away... But it sticks to me like a mating couple of Limulus Polyphemus... Sheesh... No wonder boys love me... OOOPS... Repetitive statement...

Shopping

Wooo.... This is something that has never changed for like what 27 years of my life? I mean.... Yea, it means what it really means.... You get me? MAYBE... hahaha....

Well, I guess, the long silence was a bliss that gives me a very good span of time to think and get back on track with my life... Of course there are changes to be done, both majors and minors, but hey, I am adaptive to my surrounding, I can do this..

LOVE!
CHILL!!
BLISS!!!

Split second

2009-08-12T20:44:00.001-07:00

"So," He put down his fork and knife, lifted his face a little, and looked straight into my eyes. He was in his casual look - jeans, sneakers, AX t-shirt on worked out biceps and six packs, spiky short hair and the best thing is, he doesn't seem his age. He's supposed to look like a father of a girl and someone's husband. He looks like just a year or two older than I am. His deep black eyes pierced mine that bring me back to reality. He was expecting an answer.

"It is hard for me to adjust to my new found title," I whispered.

"I can see that it is not that bad," he gestured to a small plastic bag on the chair.

"Well, I don't earn as much as you do. but I'll survived,"

"Talking about that, would you like to come and join us?" He sipped his red wine but his eyes never left mine.

"Join you as in leaving Malaysia?" I started not to like the idea of moving away.

"Yes, Martha. You know the drill especially in your situation rite now. You need something new to ease the pain," He said in that voice of his. Both concern and authoritative.

"But I like it here," I said. I recollected what happened of about 4 - 5 years back. he held my hands in his, with almost teary eyes. He was trying to say something. But he needed to gather his courage to speak something. I was petrified, it was the crowded airport and he was waiting for his flight. He didn't want to let go of my hands. In the background, I could hear the announcement of final call for his flight. and finally after what seemed to be an eternity, he said the line that will be in my head for the rest of my life - "I love you I do, no matter how hard I try to love other people, you will definitely have that special place in my heart til the end of time. Come with me to New Zealand. Lets start a new life," I was dumbstruck. I couldn't even move. He took in a deep breath, knowing how hard headed I can be. "If that the case... I'll be right beside you if you need just about anything. Name it and I'll try my best to get it for you," with that he hugged me and kissed my lips.

"Martha, are you quite here?" Startled, I knocked down my almost empty glass. But my reflects surprised me when there was not a drop of red wine on the white table cloth. "Sorry I startled you,"

"Its okay," I said. Smiled sheepishly at him and managed to look into his eyes.

"I want you to think about it," He said, trying to persuade me. Although I might already know your answer.

You should have just went for it....

2009-07-19T20:36:00.000-07:00

The bullet was not empty but not too crowded at the same time. After a good few minutes of sitting side by side on the bench with hubs, the bullet let out eager passengers, some with Monday Blues look all over their face and soon enough Hub and I were slowly and patiently boarded the bullet - facing the other entrance as Hub would get off at the next station. The closing door shut the exterior noises and slid on the steel railway with appropriate speed.

Soon, the bullet slowed down and I looked at Hub, he has this adoring look in his eyes that all of the sudden gave me a great joy - there's something in his mind that is engineering something. The bullet stop to a halt. He reached for my hand, I kissed it as usual, and he kissed mine - the rule of equality hehehe. Then he said a hug - I hug him back. And then it clicked to me, he wanted to kiss me! but I was having doubts of him doing it and he seemed unsure of it. Then, he asked - "nak kiss," with pouting lips. I don't know where it came from, scanning my surrounding, I said no. BUT lord I wished he would have kissed me on the cheek! That will be so cute. smiling sigh.

The cute and adorable sunshine...

2009-07-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

So as I was slouching in my seat, in front of the lappie in the office, I dragged the cursor and clicked on a box that was always ticked previously, led my eyes to read: invisible to everyone. With a short breath, I presumed what will happened in the next 5 minutes.

Dang! My premonition was imprecise. I dont even have to wait for 5 minutes it only take them 10 seconds to fill the entire screen with of about 6 to 7 yahoo messenger boxes. I skimmed and scanned through the boxes, reading the first few words they slammed into the boxes, I exhaled.

Some of them typed "hey cutie", "adory!!", and all the praises you can find there... I didn't reply to any of them. except for one box that caught my eyes... Her first few words were: rindu ur sunshine

Instantly, I wrote in the status section as The Missing A.... simply take away the last letter A from my name "Martha" and you get a name of a lunar crater. Thats how I feel - Just like a lunar crater.

She must have thought the same thing

2009-07-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

Matsuda's black chic shirt fits me perfectly, my new pair of boots (which my hub gave me for my birthday), my long pants skinny fit and my lappie bag boosted my confidence trotting into an empty bullet (which rarely happened in the past) heading to the office across town. I settled, standing up - as I don't exercise as much these days only to realize I didn't bring my book with me. Great!! I am going to take in as much as possible the scenery around me - that means looking at other people.

As I was scanning my surrounding, the bullet stop to a halt at Joela Tech Station. Came in a throng of eager (some were sleep walking still) people into the tiny segment of the train. Among many people smelling brands of expensive perfume (I sprayed some generic perfume... LOL) one caught my eyes... and nose too. Trailing the lingering sweet scent of Britney Spears' latest Hidden Fantasy was a woman who soon settled next to me. I looked at her, wild long curls, a huge sunglasses, and black shirt with long pants and a pair of heels attached neatly to her body emphasize her aura of confidence.

Wait... I spoke to myself quietly, taking the side glance of the lady.

Hold on... My cheeks were beginning to filled with high intensity rush of blood.

God, she looks exactly like me, except for the glasses! The words uttered in my mind.

I looked at her, she looked at me, exchanging smiles and we did it. Involuntarily both of us started to move away from each other she moved to her left and I moved to my right and soon enough she was out of sight. I giggled alone. What a coincidence to start a lovely Monday!

The Family Gathering

2009-06-12T03:17:00.000-07:00

Nervously, I walked slowly towards my uncle's room. He injured his leg in an accident. Seriously, it has been ages since I last talked to him. The mental picture you'll have in mind would have been in a form of an old man, white hair, glasses on, but he is not, really.

My uncle is at the age of 24, yup, the same age as mine. But the title comes from the family tree in which his father is my grandfather's cousin. Hence, his father is my grand uncle and he is my uncle. Complicated? Tell me that when I tried to understand my lineage at the age of 4. We literally grew up together. We went to the same primary school, and moved on to the same secondary school. But after high school, it was hard for us to take care of what we had as we went separate ways. We see each other once in awhile, formal functions like weddings and dinners but you can sorta feel the gap inflicted. And did I mention, he is kinda good looking too. I laughed off to that thought as I stepped into his room.

"Hey Martha," He said, chirpy as if expecting me, trying hard by slowly standing up to greet me. He extended his hand, I greeted it with a huge grin on my face and gave him a hug. He hugged me back. And then he started to breathe faster. I was like, erm, is he orgasm-ing ?

"I think you stepped on my broken foot," He said.

I laughed and sat on the bed. He too, half smiling and half in pain - you can't miss the expression, did the same. Without hesitation, I blurted it out.

"I am kinda afraid," I looked into his eyes. I have no one to turn to (although I practically talked to basically all my family members about this issue except for my mom but they don't face this situation altogether).

"Why?" He asked as he flipped open his lappie.

"Edmund is getting married, and I am not going to anytime soon," He started to pound the keys on the keyboard.

"And what's the problem?" He said calmly.

"People will start to ask me when will it be my time to get married,"I said.

"Hey chill. people will ask me more," Puzzled by his answer I looked at him.

"I am your uncle remember. People will definitely ask me that. But, if you are quite afraid to face the crowd tonight, stay on my side. I'll call a few friends to come so that you have your own crowd," He said, flipped close his lappie and moved to pick his phone from under the pillow.

In an instant, I felt safe and secure. I smiled for the first time in the duration of 6 hours.

menjawab tag Max J Potter

2009-06-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

1) Bekas kekasih saya – banyak!! hahaha....

2) Saya sedang mendengar - lagu tema farm town application kat facebook

3) Mungkin saya patut – berhenti ape - ape yang patot saye berhenti...

4) Saya suka – maen.

5) Sahabat-sahabat saya – tak ramai, jadik saye perlu jage mereka sebaik mungkin...

6) Saya tak faham – macam mane nak pecah kan zarah proton dan elektron untuk menghasilkan satu tenaga yang lebih besar.

7) Saya kehilangan – banyak mase senggang saye! saye sangat tensi....

8) Ramai yang berkata – I am a lovable person...

9) Cinta itu adalah – penyeksaan bagi mereka yang tidak menghargai nya tetapi anugerah bagi yang menjaganya

10) Di suatu tempat, seseorang sedang – makan nasi... pasal saya sangat lapar skunk!

11) Saya akan cuba – bekerja dengan lebih keras!

12) Perkataan SELAMANYA membawa maksud – anak perempuan Pak Cik Selamat

13) Telefon bimbit saya – cantik! erm... z555i sony ericsson

14) Bila saya terjaga – saya tidak tidor

15) Saya paling meluat – menyelesaikan masalah hati!

16) Pesta/parti adalah – hari jadi saya kat lecka - lecka, bukit bintang, 26 june 2009! (8.30 malam)

17) Haiwan yang paling comel pernah saya temui – guinea pig! my jane....

18) Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan saya ialah – i live life to the fullest... so every day is....

19) Hari ini – Day 14 back counting to my birthday party!!

20) Malam ini saya akan – melakukan aktiviti physical!

21) Esok pula saya akan – kerja kat art class...

22) Saya betul-betul inginkan – vacation yang panjang dan lama!

23) Ketika anda lihat wajah anda di hadapan cermin pagi ini – saye serabai...

24) Pusat membeli-belah atau arked permainan – Shopping malls!!! i love to window shop...

25) Makanan Barat atau Jepun? – i eat just about everything... hahaha......

26) Bilik yang terang atau gelap? – a dark one.... baru laa best to sleep....

27) Makanan segera adalah – makanan yang tak berapa nak segera sebenarnya....

28) Ayat terakhir yang anda telah katakan pada seseorang – mane grapes awak mat arip?

29) Siapa yang anda ingin tag: semua followers saya: except Max.... kalau die wat agy... nanti die dah wat dua kali....

two months celebration.....

2009-06-10T05:39:00.001-07:00

sucks....

And the Winner Is... Scorpion!

2009-06-05T04:20:00.000-07:00

The three-day training was tiring. I didn't get enough sleep (woke up every half an hour to make sure that the participants are well taken care of), i ate less, and tell me I hate the long tedious sessions talking about the function of the language!

So, the hall was getting busier with people coming in, parents, VIPs, and you name it - and I looked like hell; I would describe it as heller then hell but then I realized I was just being a DQ. Chill ran down my spine as I saw 4 police officers came into the hall (as I still owe the government of about 700 bugs out of tickets!) but then ran through my guess list, and exhale the worries with great relief through my running nose...

I walked to the stage (or so called stage, Mrs. N. was being very stingy - and it is getting the nerves of everyone in 10 nano seconds every 5 minutes these days). I was wearing the company's t-shirt and my creative jeans with my name on it, in my 50 bugs sneakers I trotted confidently facing the crowd despite my sleeping mind - I repeat, my SLEEPING mind. As I started, I followed the items in the agenda smoothly. Then - over confidently I looked at the next item in the list, its the certificates giving ceremony, and okay after that the hampers (I made a mental note on my own).

Done with the certificates giving ceremony, we moved on - or so I thought. A cameraman of a newspaper, gushing up the stage and asked the participants to pose for the paper. And the VIPs were talking eagerly to the chairperson of the organization, and everything started to have life on their own. The hall was buzzing like a bee hives when everyone started to talk to each other. People walked from one end to the other. Kids were running around. I was panicky. The last item was prize giving ceremony. I hinted to the chairperson, and she said sorry, she didn't realized that there was another item in the list, she instructed the photographer to go back to his seat because there's another item. When everything was settled, I carried on with the event:

"Seterusnya, Majlis akan diteruskan dengan upacara penyampaian hadiah kepada para peserta bagi tiga kategori iaitu:

Kumpulan telematch terbaik,

Kumpulan Terbaik, dan

Persembahan Kumpulan Terbaik.

Pemenang bagi kumpulan telematch terbaik jatuh kepada: COBRA! (I passed the hamper to the chairperson for her to give it to the Officers of the MAyor's Office)

I was ready to announce the second title when I did something really stupid, I announced the winner, took the hamper from the table and saw the group leader came my direction and in split second gave away the present to the kid instead of the chairperson while announcing the winner is... Scorpion. Everyone laughed and my face was red!

The Beast

2009-05-28T04:58:00.000-07:00

The beast clawed the flesh of the white feathered creature. A pool of blood on the pavement. The flesh was being ripped apart from the bones, the red eyes were dull, long time lost its shine. The whiskers of the beast tingled as it sensed the presence of three other being watching it savoring the blessing of the day.

The feathers were slowly falling apart - some were covered by blood, dripping as it was moving smoothly as the soft wind blew. The strangers kept standing there, looking at the cruelty of nature. The pink flesh was chewed to bits as the beast swallowed the meat with triumphant face.

"Kesian burung tu," said one of the boys.

"Kakak tak buat," I said involuntarily.

"Tau," they said in unison.

Smirking, I walked away from the cat that was eating the pigeon.

Ditched Songs, New Ones and The Sequences (Itinary)

2009-05-20T06:41:00.000-07:00

27th May 2009

1) Mati Hidup Kembali - Butterfinggers

2) Save The Hero - Beyonce Knowles (Japan SE)

3) Only Hope - Mandy Moore OST A Walk To Remember

4) So Close - Jon Mclaughlin

5) Broken Strings - James Morrison Ft. Nelly Furtado

6) Remembrance - Britney Spears

7) Rapuh - Agnes Monica / youtube cover by Gamaliel

8) Lucky - Jason Mraz Ft. Colbie Calliet

9) Unfaithful - Rihana

10) You Belong To me - Jason Wade

11) Thinking of You - Katy Perry

12) Dan Sebenarnya - Yuna

13) Imperfect - US

dont feel like typing it down...

2009-05-18T05:19:00.000-07:00

the video should say it all....

Bencinta

2009-05-16T07:47:00.000-07:00

You know how difficult love is, you hate them and at the same time you love them too much it kills the very foundation of your trust of love...

Benarkan ku 'tuk berbicara...
Bicara terus ke hati mu... Hati mu...
Hati yang penuh rasa ragu
Jangan terus pergi
Tanpa mendengar ku
Mungkin mudah
Untuk kau terus berlalu
Nanti dulu
Berikanlah waktu
Untuk aku, untuk kamu

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Lidah kelu sedangkan aku
Mahu kau tahu
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Ke tepi lihat ku berlalu
Pasti itu yang terbaik untuk ku
Tiada lagi mahu ku tahu
Tentang hidup kamu
Tentang mati kamu
Aku tahu
Engkau tahu apa yang mata ku tahu
Apa yang kau tunggu
Mahu aku buka pintu?

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Sedang aku mahu kau tahu
Dengar kata ku
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Sakitnya aku
Membenci kamu
Sakit lagi mencintai mu
Dan aku pergi
Tapi kembali
Benci aku mencintai diri mu
Ku benci... Kamu
Ku cinta... Kamu

We both say

2009-05-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

I don't really think it is just us, we think we are the cutest couple on the surface of the earth. Other people think of that too. We are hyper loving when the tide is okay. But we can be really rough in times when the tide is really high - tsunami like. But, the truth is, sometimes, the thought kills and shattered the things you believe in. Emotion.

Before 29th of May

2009-05-14T11:21:00.000-07:00

In random order...

1) Rapuh - Agnes Monica / youtube cover by Gamaliel

2) Broken Strings - James Morrison Ft. Nelly Furtado

3) I Surrender - Celine Dion

4) Only Hope - Mandy Moore OST A Walk To Remember

5) Save The Hero - Beyonce Knowles (Japan SE)

6) Dan Sebenarnya - Yuna

7) You Belong To me - Jason Wade

8) Lucky - Jason Mraz Ft. Colbie Calliet

9) Mati Hidup Kembali - Butterfinggers

10) Remembrance - Britney Spears

11) True - Ryan Cabrera

12) Unfaithful - Rihana

Revision

2009-05-11T05:55:00.000-07:00

My other sister, one that I don't expose much in the entries before, was told that I used to have a very basic keyboard class. So, as I was going through the routine of teaching the kids in the art class, I went to the gluing counter where she was petrified there to glue stuff. I acted as if I was thinking of helping her, touching the craft pieces, in-lined to be glued. She was stressed out. Sigh. I haven't had the chance to say anything, she flipped her straight, red hair and looked right into my eyes. "What do you want?" Aiza asked.

"Hehehe," I replied.

"Cepat laa cakap...," She said, but her face is nothing close to rage but it was more of curiousity.

"I teringat i ade keyboard lame, but the cable is broken. Do you know where is the nearest Yamaha Centre?" I asked.

"There is one at The Curve," she said. And I swear I could hear my other sister, ANNA, said, "There is one in Ampang Point,"

"I don't know you play keyboards," Aiza said, her face brightened.

"Once upon a time long time ago," I continued."Even if the thing is fixed I don't even remember how to play it or read the notes. I will definitely take 10 000 years to read the a line of music notes,"

"I can tutor you. No problem there," She said and I smiled.

SMSes...

2009-05-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

People always asked me why I don't SMS them or initiate the conversation through texting. So hear are a few reasons that I have come up with:

1) I don't want to start an SMS only to be brushed off because they are busy or in the middle of a date or in a major preparation of a project, they promise to text you afterward, do you think they do? 10 percent of them do that the rest... Sigh... So why initiate? Let them initiate it first so you don't put much hopes on it.

2) You are super busy you forget. The next time you check your inbox is when it reaches 95%. Only then you realize that this person said your pay is in and you haven't even collect the cheque to cash it IF you don't erase the SMSes in bulk like : Delete all read messages.

3) IF you have a secret lover (yea2 whatever) and you are afraid to be found out, the best thing to do is not to initiate. Let them come find you. Or you can always initiate the end a.k.a the one time SMS only: "MY bf is here with me. CAN'T text rite now. DO NOT reply, I repeat: DO NOT reply this SMS.

4) They don't prioritize you, so why should you?

5) Why waste your money?

The end! wink2...

3 bullets...

2009-05-05T03:54:00.000-07:00

My job scope requires me to hop from one place to the other in 3 seconds - just kiddin. Today I wore my Cheong-sam (a short one, made of silk, red in colour, body fitting)and I wore my gladiator... and my short skirt... I know, It looks funny. I just wanted to be a bit preppy today. Sigh. 3 bullets and a mission. The mission was canceled and I was tired. That's all about it. No stepping on a lizard or anything funny. Sigh again. Boring. Sigh again. Hahaha...

The Lizard...

2009-05-04T00:33:00.000-07:00

"Kakak tu pijak cicak tuh laa," Two boys ran frantically to the sound of POP and to the sight of a lizard jerking at the pain of being crushed (on its head) at the end of its lifetime.

"Shit! damn kids..." I trailed off in my mumble.

"Kakak, tgk kat cicak tu. Kesian die," said one of the boys as they came closer to take a closer look at the soon-enough-carcass lizard. They squatted down, looking at it jerked with the tail wriggling detached from the body.

"Jahat laa kakak nie," said the other one. I stopped walking, turned around, full body. I straighten up my blue shirt from U2, trotting with this determined face in my TSC black heels and office pants from PDI. I tighten my necktie and looked at the boys. They were still squatting down, experiencing the few last seconds before the lizard became carcass. I squatted down with them (one knee touched the ground) in the middle of the lobby. I looked at both of them right into their eyes, hoping to get a grip on their souls, I mumbled while looking from the kids to the lizard:

"Tu laaa... kalau lintas jalan tak tgk kiri kanan, nanti jadik cam cicak nie. Nak ke?" I looked back at them. They seemed terrified. With a wicked and evil smile, I got up back on my two feet brushing off my shoulder (there were dandruff there), turned around, walked away with a loud sound of my clanking shoes, looked back at them and watched them ran away.

In my head I asked a question: Am I that terrifying? I laughed. But then I realized I don't wanna be crushed down by Mrs. N as I am already late for work - Yikes!

nak wat mende2 nie!

2009-04-30T01:14:00.000-07:00

1) Nak g shopping....

2) Nak tido lame2....

3) Nak g vacation.....

4) Nak g tgk movie yg i nak tgk....

5) Nak mesra2 byk2....

These are the things I want... but I don't necessarily get it... SIGH~~~~

It's time to stop and let the world moves around you.

2009-04-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

I trotted down the vast walkway of City Centre with my high-heeled gladiator shoes in black which I bought in a flee market last weekend, with my short black skirt, a white shirt from G2000 Women, a red neck tie made of silk and my sunglasses tugged on my head with my wild curl hair pony tailed. My mission was to pay the phone bill; ashamed to say that it was barred this morning when I intended to wish my hub good morning and all. It frustrated me. It seems like I am easily frustrated by things all around me these days. I have no idea why; If you think its PMS, than think again.

At one point of the past few days I was really stressed. I feel that the world is clinging on my back that I have to drag it everywhere I go. It annoys me and yesterday was the real blow. The day I have 8 appointments in The Administrative Centre where I have to commute by a bus and a bullet and it took ages for every one of them to actually be punctual enough to be there on time - which added up the already high level of stressed. Fortunately I had the privilege to walk from one government office to the other. That makes me a bit happy, indulging the beauty of the surrounding and take in as much sun as possible there. I love the lake. It is soothing. My view was reverted to the dream house that I always wanted, a small pond with scented flowers and trees surrounding my little cottage.

But than again that fantasy made me tense again. There are many things that I really wanted but never the chance to have it. But when one actually comes, it is ridiculous to go for it. At the sudden realization, I viewed people that surround me, they are getting what they want, although not all but most of it. Edmund is getting married soon, and we are discussing about the date for engagement and the hall has been booked. Hub got the chance of stardom when he was selected to be in CLEO's 50 Most Eligible Bachelor - although he did not win any title but the exposure is quite awesome. My mom is needed in a social project and I know she feels good that people actually need her.

Sigh, I turned into the telco store, and went straight to the deposit machine, pound my finger on the touch-screen machine and inserted 4 bills of 50. The machine took time to actually count the money and it said something on the screen, something unfamiliar. It said: "please take rejected notes". I was half cursing. I canceled the transaction and she a nearby telco personnel.

"Excuse me," I said.

"Yes, miss, how can i help you?" he said politely.

"My bills were rejected by the machine, is there anyway that I can change the notes?" I asked, trying my best to remain calm.

"I'm sorry miss you will have to change it at any of other store as we are using 80% online system which means we don't have cash," He explained.

So before I slapped him right on his left cheek, I stormed out of the facility and searched a convenient store. But then, I remembered there's a bank nearby and I tried my luck depositing the bills into my account, it went in in less that one minute. I grunted to myself. I stepped out of the line and line - up to withdraw the money and I was happy when I finally walked out of the bank with the cash in my hand. line up again at the deposit machine and this time around they were accepted.

I headed for the bullet and while in the bullet I think about the world that is on my back. I know I can't have everything I want or wish I want, but to this extend, I began to wonder. What if, I say to myself and look how it goes, I lit up, I say to myself: It's time to stop and let the world moves around me. I am almost there of taking actions I don't wanna take, but that's life right?

Love this One!!

2009-04-17T01:50:00.000-07:00

Revival...

I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyes
But Im not strong enough to cry
Despite of my disguise
Im left with no shoulder
But everybody wants to lean on me.
I guess Im their soldier.
Well, whos gonna be mine

Whos there to save the hero
When shes left all alone
And shes crying out for help.
Whos there to save the hero
Whos there to save the girl
After she saves the world
After she saves the world.
I bottle all my hurt inside,
I guess Im living a lie.
Inside my mind each day I die
What can bring me back to life?
A simple word, a gesture
Someone to say youre beautiful
Come find this buried treasure
Rainbows lead to a pot of gold

Whos there to save the hero
When shes left all alone
And shes crying out for help
Whos there to save the hero
Whos there to save the girl
After she saves the world
After she saves the world.
Ive given too much of myself
And now its driving me crazy
(Im crying out for help?
Sometimes I wish someone would
Just come here and save me
Save me from myself

Whos there to save the hero
When shes left all alone
And shes crying out for help
Whos there to save the hero
Whos there to save the girl
After she saves the world
After she saves the world.

Frustrating

2009-04-08T23:13:00.000-07:00

It's frustrating when you are extremely stressed and you tried to talk to people - they are not there to listen to you. So, I walked out of the office, in my pretty black zip-up suit and black and white flower print skirt from Zang Toi, and soon enough finding myself to be standing in front of the see-through fridge of 7-Eleven and tempted to take the Coke bottle but settled with an apple juice. Trotted out of the store only to find people smoking,which at this time of the week, I was really in need of one but shrugged the idea of my head, and sat on one of the many stairs in front of them looking helpless regardless the power suit that I was wearing. I looked at my hands, they were shaking, at that moment I knew that I will loose it... Really soon.

I fondled inside my bag for my handphone, trying some other people to call.

Flipped open my Z555i, scrolled down the endless entries of name in the phone book, and stopped instantly at a name. I pressed the call button.

"Hey!" she said excitedly at the other end of the line.

"I'm stressed...,"

I love weddings!

2009-03-23T21:31:00.001-07:00

It has been ages since I last directly got involved in a wedding. Last week however, I managed to attend and assist my sister, Noorsyafinaz, and it was so much fun!

It started off with the akad nikah ceremony on the same day I got back to city center and I directly went to her place to witness the beautiful occasion.

AKAD NIKAH

It was a simple one yet exciting. The hall was filled with laughter and jokes and people talking. It was eventful. Everywhere you turn, people are excited for the ceremony to begin. Before the occasion took place I met my sister and express my excitement to her and had a glimpse of what she's going to look like - and take my words: SHE WAS SO PRETTY.

The ceremony began at about 5.15pm. It was raining heavily outside - and the TOK KADI was stuck in the car; he couldn't get out and braved the rain. So, my sister's father instructed me to go and fetch him and he gave me two umbrellas. I went down located the car, and gave TOK KADI one of the umbrellas and he told me to take his coat and bag at the passenger seat behind. I did just that, showed him the way and soon enough we were out of the rain.

The ceremony started immediately and I sat there, patiently thinking of why I really love weddings. It brings people together. It does. I am now a lot closer to my (older) neighboors and they are aware of my presence too.

MARHABAN

I was looking forward for the marhaban. This is the time where usually I would love. Sometimes new borns are being carried around the circle of marhaban too for their Cukur Jambul. It is filled with tradition and beliefs. The unison reading of the marhaban really impresses me - especially the nasyid bit at the end of the marhaban.

At the end of it, one of the elders sing a song that really made me laughed (not only me, though, some pak ciks were laughing to the song too)

Enjit Enjit Semut Siapa Sakit Naik Atas. And she repeated this three times. Everyone was laughing!

THE WEDDING RECEPTION

There was no words to express my feeling on that day. I helped my mom (she is the wedding planner of some sort) by mingled around to see people I know and entertain them. This is my way of reconnecting with those who I have lost contacted with for a long time. I really enjoy weddings!

Memo Paper

2009-03-23T21:08:00.000-07:00

Mrs. N: Hey, can u write down these things, call Yen and ask the questions I am going to tell you and get back to me ASAP.

MM: Yes, boss.

Mrs. N: Okay, there are four questions all together...

MM: Uh huh....

Mrs. N: The first one, when can I see the finish product of what Yen is doing?

MM: Second q?

Mrs. N: Covers. The client needed two options for the cover.

MM: Next q?

Mrs. N: If we change the measurement last minutes how much will additional fees be charge to us?

MM: Okay....

Mrs. N: Should it be black or contrasting colour?

MM: Is that it?

Mrs. N: Nope... Check on our pending clients when will they approve the programmes.

MM: OUCH!

Mrs. N: You okay babe? What happened?

MM: Im fine, I poked my eyes with the sharp corner of the memo paper.

Mrs. N: Idiot!

D bay(The great weekend final part)

2009-03-23T02:53:00.000-07:00

Well, it took us, 30 minutes to Reach D bay. The last place in the list in an abrupt meeting last night at Aliff's. pulling off my helmet from my head, I was conscious about my locks. I thought it wont look good after being compressed by the heavy helmet - and guess what, I quit to care about my looks. As long as I think I look good, that is fine with me. The consciousness of what people think of you as you dressed and appeared is really killing me. I just wanna be what I wanna be and wear what I feel like wearing. I don't want to think about looks anymore. At the end of the day, it will all fade. The things you leave behind will be the things you do for others out of your pure heart and great intention. Other than that, it wont matter anymore to me. (krik... krik... krik.. AWKWARD!!)

So, reached the final location. My cousin gave me a tour of what to happen to D bay as it is listed in the new development of ISKANDAR. You can see reconstructions are taking place here and there and new cleared land are being established to accommodate more development of the shore opposite the land of Lion! (Take that!! and that!! and that!!) After taking in the breeze of the strait, a bit of emotional moments (where I actually cried thinking of my childhood memories where Baba always took me here during the evening and when we participated with the joyous crowds on our independence day march) and my cousin was out of idea to what to do to stop me from crying - all I could think off was MAN, they don't know how to spoil us with enough words, and so we decided to go back and that my cousin needed to see the gf.

We walked to the bike. He handed me his hoody and told me that it would be extremely cold - the sea breeze and the cloudy night, I let you do the thinking. We rode off and soon enough, we maneuvered to a junction from a four-lane (one direction) highway only to realize that the back tyre were punctured! I was panicky. Even if my car's wheel was punctured I was extremely panic - so you can IMAGINE how panic I was when we have to get off the bike, on a SUPER busy highway and we had to go ACROSS the highway to find a bike workshop that opens at 10 to 10 at night. It was interesting though. Keeping my adrenaline rushing high and low as I was deciding to run across the road. I could say that I tempted my fate but I survived. With relieved heart, my cousin said his apology and concern and we walked to the nearest workshop not far from our spot - according to him. I looked at him sceptically but keep on walking. He eroded the tension by talking about the incident in a funny way - some ways that is hard to be forgotten. And soon enough I found myself laughing my heart out over the incident.

I was bleaming with joy as we saw a workshop was still operating. He pushed his bike towards the direction and we reached the workshop with much sweat (at least I was, under the hoody) and he was looking at his watch and I instantly knew that he was anxious to get this over and done with. That was when my hubby texted and I called him right away. I told him, excitedly, about what happened and heard that he wasn't that happy. I know he is tired of the current situation and I know how he wishes that everything will be easier for him soon. But god knows best - and he keeps that a mystery to those he chooses (that includes me I guess). So, I changed the topic and let my excitement died there - but sustained the cuteness I always do.

The Indian foreman said it was all done and he received the asked amount - I promised myself to pay some amount of money to him once I get my pay. We rode away from the place and soon enough, I was standing in front of the gate to my grandpa's house and we said our goodbye and he said: Just keep the hoody, I'll collect it soon. And I went into the house, looked out of the window and saw a shooting star. I said to myself: I had the rest I needed I just wish that my love is here with me so I wont miss him that much and went to the bathroom (to take my bath after an extremely long and eventful day) feeling very happy but excited as I am going back to the City Centre tomorrow!

Sand of Warehouse (The great weekend part 4)

2009-03-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

After of about 25 minutes riding on a bike with my cousin, we finally reach his house. The mother went out so I directly aimed the computer (with internet connection that is). I brought my lappie and so you can imagine how heavy my back pack was, riding on a bike, for 25 minutes. Not the best mean of transportation (this is due to my motophobic where I encountered an unpleasant experience with bikes). But I braved it all to get my work done - and of course to go around Sand of warehouse, a district in southern region that I have never professionally explore.

Imagine me on a bike, with my clothing and my wild curls... You figure that I was kinda regreting it at first. What an experience it was though. One that made me braved up my old fear and turned it around into something that almost pleases me - and I said almost.

Done with my work, retrieving and sending emails, my cousin decided that we go for Cendol, a delicasy that combines greenish tofu, coconut milk, glutinous rice and dark syrup. I enjoyed eating it especially when it involvedtalking about things that interest you when you are reconciled with some one you long lost (not so long though). Soon, my cousin brought me, yes on his bike, (can you imagine me with a helmet?) to go around Sand of Wearhouse. He showed me places like the Kite Museum, Kite field, and then He suggested that we checked out a beach in which a new attraction to Sand of Wearhouse is being built - Sarang Buaya.

We went to the beach but it was closed. So, we decided to check out Sarang Buaya. It was soft-launched not long ago and the place is still underconstruction. But I could imagine the scenary once it was fully built. Next to the sea, with mangrove trees shooting the sky and crocodiles in captivities - I kept thinking what if the crocodiles escape!!

We went back home and stopped by a Nasi Lemak stop - and it was already near dusk, so we decided to grab ourself some food for dinner, and courtesy of my cousin he bought me dinner too! what a great guy he is. Back at home, his mother - my auntie was at home and we talked for awhile and soon enough I was ready to get on the bike again. And after sometimes, I think it wasn't that bad riding a bike, as long as I am not the one who is handling it.

CIMB Visit (The great weekend part 3)

2009-03-19T21:20:00.000-07:00

I thought that the visit to CIMB would take ages - but it turned out to be quite fast. Pak Long parked his car, we walked to the Bank and soon enough we were talking to the bank representative and puff... everything was done! I was impressed. Pak Long was smiling from ear to ear. I felt a bit disappointed as I put an effort to look good today. I wore my Pink JOY and JOKE body hugging T-shirt and my jeans along with my radioactive sneakers.

As we were walking back to the car, I texted my cousin to pick me up sumtimes at two. I was excited to be granted the early weekend and hoping that my cousin will surprise me with his tour around the town. As I was preparing myself to set the mood for this exciting trip, Mrs. N called.

Mrs. N: Hey, you ok there?

MM: Im good.

Mrs. N: I e-mailed sumthing for you and wanted to hear your idea. Have you completed the proposal.

MM: I did.

Mrs. N: Could you e-mail it to me? I need to send the proposal ASAP.

MM: I try my best.

Mrs. N: Before 3. Bye.

I hang up the phone and soon enough my rusty brain was planning a new scheme.

Aliff's Latte (The great weekend part 2)

2009-03-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

My eldest uncle picked us up at the Mega Bus Center not far from my grandpa's house. We told him that we were actually settling our insurance matter. Before we reached home, we stopped at Aliff to have dinner. I was thinking that this will be the usual laid back and doing nothing kind of hometown retreat. So I decided to agree to eat out (since I didn't know when will be the last chance to go out and about town).

We got out of the car and soon enough, the waiter was taking our orders and the drinks came first. As usual I ordered my latte, the same with my mom. Adrian was with his Ice Choc and Pak Long sipped his Ice Lychee and started to ask my mom questions to plan out tomorrow. That was when he decided to just take away some dishes and eat it at home.

I was happily sipping my hot latte when I saw someone familiar. I saw my cousin - Angah, Mak andak's son! He was with his friends and caught me looking at him. That resulted him to greet us and making small talk and soon enough we were planning of tomorrow as he was having his off week. I told him that I might need to use the internet connection to excess my works that Mrs. N sent me via email. Since I didn't know what time would the insurance matter end, I decided to tell him to pick me up at around two tomorrow. That was the first time that I felt easy and happy seing him. Usually we only chatted through smses and Yms. This was different.

I sipped my latte again, and thought that this is not going to be just any weekend. This could be a great weekend - one that I needed for quite sometimes.

Adrian and I in the bus (The great weekend part 1)

2009-03-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

It has been ages since I last had a real weekend. My usual weekend will be spent as a therapy session in an art school not far from City Center. Anna, sometimes, picks me up and takes me or us (Frank is included) back home all the time. Most of the time I will arrive to the school late due to the stupid feeder bus which is scheduled every 30 minutes or so - I spend hours counting the weeds that infested the bricks of the pedestrian walk on the left and right sides of the bus station instead. This time around, I had a chance to breakaway and chill and relax a bit far away from the metropolitan city - I went back to my hometown.

My mother, Adrian and I left the Bus Mega Center at about 5pm to the southern region of the country. Along the way, I occupied most of the time looking out of the window and listen to my list of songs in my black Z555i. I took in the scenery as the City Center faded quickly and it was being replaced by a stretch of endless pattern of palm oil and rubber trees plantation one after the other as we moved further away from the hectic life of the city. It was bright sunny day. The evening was nothing but spectacular as if it welcomed me into my own version of a great 'weekend' - Owh, I forgot to tell you that it was Tuesday when I left.

The sky turned darker and darker and soon, Adrian and I saw the first glimpse of a star. He was so excited looking and kept counting the stars. He stopped when the stars were too many to be counted using fingers and he counted 23 twice and started again and lost count again - He finally just stared at the stars. We approached our destination around 9.30 pm and once we reached the city Adrian asked me a question, "Abang, mana bintang banyak - banyak tadik?"

I answered him with a slight doubt that he would understand the scientific explanation that i would soon blurt, "Langit tu macam cermin yang besar. Lagi terang lampu kat atas tanah lagi sikit kiter nampak bintang,"

He replied me with an unexpected answer that awed me, "Ooo, tadik kat jalan gelap. macam banyak bintang nie,"

I talked to myself quietly: He's a genius after all.

camel T**

2009-03-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

This is 18 SX content Entry... Leave if u r not 18 yet... (What the...)

Last Saturday was a Camel T** day. This happened due to the fact that I found out what it means on that day. I'd never been told about it before. But I learned a new vocabulary while watching Akademi Fantasia with my sis's family, in her living room.

I felt kinda embarrassed as I don't know what it is in a group of people who were actually arguing about it. I felt funnily stupid but at the same time lost and naive.

I dreamed of a poet

2009-03-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

I dreamed of a poet. Not old but wise. He told me about a lot of things; things that I have never thought I'd face. The uncertainty of living. The beliefs that I have never jeopardized. The way the world go around from other perspectives. Is this another task? I asked, but silence filled the air as I lay in bed thinking.

I dreamed of a poet. Faceless as he might be but his voice sang through the ears of mine. He told me of promises and trusts - the other side of them that I have never thought of questioning. He told me that we trust others but reserve questions of the opposite. He told me that we make promises, we keep some of them but we have to break most of them. He told me that we do what we do as our heart skips and speaks.

I dreamed of a poet. A poet of love and relationship. He told me that we can never lie our heart and how we feel but we know what is right and what is not. He told me that we are human - and that we are special when we are exactly the same as others. We love the ones we love and we love more as we move on. And to stay with the same person will be a true virtue of sacrifice and truthfulness. We strive and strive and we know what we want.

I dreamed of a poet. A poet of wisdom and faith. He told me that we are who we are and we can never go wrong as we believe in what we do. We guide our feelings with wisdom that we gathered in the journey called life. With wisdom comes faith. And with faith we fulfill the destiny that we are destined. Yes, the future is something that we can't predict but today is what we are dealing with. We make the best out of what we have. Although we have everything we want, but there are somethings we always need. Something ordinary that differs from the things we want but we realize the importance of their presence in our life.

I dreamed of a POET and I am utterly glad that I met the POET - who showed the reality of the other side that I have never ventured in thinking both silently and articulately. I hope, now, I really can think about it without fear of any sort.

My Father and His Small Little Things

2009-03-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

Don't get me wrong reading the title people, but that's the truth.

Me and hub had an argument yesterday - I would say a good one. It makes me understand him more and him, lets put it that he understands me better now. People say that, if there are too many differences in the partners in the relationship, they can't last that long. But, I beg to differ. Today, however, I am not going to tell you about our differences; let that be to another day. Today, I am going to reminisce the way my parents love each other and how they love their children - all three; Martha, Edmund and Adrian.

1) Find a reason to CELEBRATE!!

My father, whom I called Baba, celebrated everything that can be celebrated. There was one time when I got 3rd place in my secular education school, and I got the highest marks for my Arabic Language. He didn't throw me a huge party with Celine Dion singing in my hall - though I still keep my fingers crossed, but he printed me a cute card saying congratulation and how he loved me so. In another event, we celebrated Christmast with real oven-roasted turkey drumsticks - and we spent 2 days finishing the drumsticks and up till now we still laugh at the memories.

2) Celebrate DATES!!

Baba is particular when it comes to dates. He remembers dates, important ones especially. A major occasion for that would be Birthdays, Anniversaries, New Borns and even Dates of Death of our relatives. When I say birthdays it does not only cover family, it reaches out to neighbors and friends. To celebrate this, my dad would buy cards and asked us to put down our wishes and signature. Sometimes, he would buy ingredients and my mom and I would cook together in the kitchen. I have to say that is so rare to do these days as I am extremely busy. One event that I wouldn't want to forget is Edmund's birthday where he brought us all to Victoria Station to have an expensive dinner. Next was my mothers' 18th of July, middle of the month, what he did really touched me. After Edmund's birthday which was on the twelve of July, each morning, Baba would put a long stalk of rose, untreated, at places my mom would definitely go every morning. He put one in the washing machine, the next day in the fridge, another one at the front door, another one on the vacume cleaner, and the last one on the dining table with a complete set of English Breakfast - scrambled eggs, chicken ham, sausages, mushroom soup and buns - we (Edmund, Baba and I) were partners in crime!! All of this was just to celebrate dates. And I kinda miss that. Hehehe...

3) The love of Baba to My mom.

They don't go off to honeymoon, instead they celebrates little things that surprised their days and nights as husband and wife. Baba would call my mom to brew up coffee or tea so that they could have a cute tea time together at 5 or 530 pm everyday without fail without the kids (as we were very busy with co-curriculum and extra evening activities). He would buy some banana fritters and kuihs, sat on the dining table, over looking the balcony with wildly blooming flowers that Baba planted - It is one of his passion to plant beautiful shrubs and flowers (among his favs is the Jasmine and Santhalia). They would talk about their days and what they did and interesting events. They also shared sad moments there, at the dining table facing the balcony with wildly blooming-scented flowers. Whenever they have problems, they would discuss there, of course putting us to sleep first and talk and talk throughout the night at the same spot, looking at the stars and the moon. Baba loves to surprise my mom - which what we (my mom, Edmund and I) inherit up till now. we love to surprise others and sometimes one of us expected surprises but we planned it out to make it not the usual type of surprise. I really miss those moments.

Baba is no longer with us now. But the little things he did will always be remembered as we move on. They are somethings we treasure everyday and we carry with us every where we go...

DUA REMPIT DAN SATU SKOOT

2009-02-24T21:48:00.000-08:00

REMPIT 1.

Tempat: Balai menunggu tren,
Stesyen LRT (Rapid KL) Setiawangsa.

Pakaian: Baju:

Uniform perkhidmatan Kurier (nama syarikat dirahsiakan demi menjaga nama baik syarikat itu)

Seluar:

Carrot Jeans Hitam (yang macam nak mati dan tengok pown dah tahu betapa busuknye seluar itu)

Aksesori:

Sling beg, helmet (tangan kanan), jam swatch (mesti Danau Kota nyer) dan kasut hitam Pallas (mesti
berbau jugak)

Laporan Kejadian:

Tunggu tren, mamat rempit nie terkenyit - kenyit mata dia kat aku. Nak je g kat depan dia, pegang kepala dia, tengok dalam mata dia lama - lama dan goncang kepala dia sampai sewel. Dah laa aku nie sakit. Nak aje terajang. Masok dalam tren tak abes - abes usha aku. Marah nie!! Haish... Nak aje hayun beg lap top aku yang berat cam dinosor. Kuar tren ngan kekusutan terpampang di wajah ku yang bermata sembab ini.

REMPIT 2

Tempat: Bank CIMB, Selepas tren LRT Masjid Jamek
On the way ke DBKL, Jalan Raja Laut

Pakaian: Baju:

Dia pakai jaket moto (so tak nampak laa baju aper dia pakai)

Seluar:

Cargo Pants - Dockers agaknya (tapi leh tahan nampak busuk)

Aksesori:

Sling beg, helmet (dia pakai kat kepala - windshield terbukak), Pakai cincin batu warna hijau besar
(nampak masa dia nak bukak windshield dia)

Laporan Kejadian:

Berjalan nak catch appointment kol 1030 nih. So agak laju laa melangkah. Macam org marathon pown mungkin ada sikit. Dah laa penat mengheret beg nih. Jalan depan Stesyen LRT tu memang laa slalu sebok. terkocoh - kocoh nak cepat... Tak ramai orang kat pedestrian walk nih. Nampak mat rempit nie macam comel atas moto. Mata kitorg cam terkunci for a few seconds just before aku hampir melanggar papan iklan CIMB yang besar gedabak. Entah bila plak ada papan iklan tuh kat situ tak perasan. Earphone aku kat telinga nie tukar dari lagu Katy Perry - Thinking of You ke ringtone Sony Ericsson yang cikai - cikai je tuh. Aku membentak dalam hati... Taw laa dah nak sampai nie... tak yah laa nak call2.... "Hello, Waalaikum salam. Ya saye, saye dah nampak bangunan DBKL dah nie. Lagik 5 minit saya sampai." aku dengar moto kat belakang aku so aku bagi laluan. dia berhenti betol2 kat tepi aku... Aku jalan die press minyak moto die. Tengok - tengok aku. Haish... not another one... Rupe - rupenye mat rempit yang comel atas moto tadik...

Mat Rempit (MR): Nak gi mane neyh bro jalan cepat - cepat?

Aku: Nak gi bangunan DBKL.

MR: Meh laa naik, aku anta.

Aku: Tak per laa. Thanx. (Muka merah)

MR: Sure tak nak nie bro? Penat taw jalan jaoh2 tuh. dah laa beg cam berat bro. Jom arr...

Aku: Dah dekat. nak exercise. Dah gemok. Lu lambat kang anta parcel tuh (tengok kotak yang melekat kat belakang moto die - muka aku makin merah)

MR: Ok laa bro. Jaga diri baik - baik k. Besok gua anta barang kat area nie lagik dalam kol 1030. Tapi muka tak yah laa merah sangat kkowt ye tak besok ek.

Dia pusing, pecot laju sambil tgk aku kat belakang, senyum. Sorg lagik nak kene sepak dan sepak.

SKOOT.

Tempat: Depan LRT stesyen
Stesyen LRT (Rapid KL) Masjid Jamek.

Pakaian: Baju:

T-shirt berkolar warna purple gelap - tak berapa nak busuk - sangat comel.

Seluar:

Shorts warna coklat

Aksesori:

Kasut besar adidas ke hape ker ntah... ada lukis2 kat tepi... sangat comel... ada lukisan KLCC...
Socks putih pangkal buku lali.

Laporan Kejadian:

Dah gi meeting Pn. Hanim nak tukar jabatan soon. So kene refer to org laen kat Jalan Raja Laut. Tak der mood nak keje dah. Haish... Jalan balik ke stesyen LRT Masjid Jamek. Nampak mamat skoot nie... comel... dia tanggal helmet... rambut perang - perang sikit... panjang... dia btolkan rambut die sambil tgk dalam side mirror die... erm... dia sikat rambut dia pakai tangan letak rambut dia yang agak panjang tuh kat atas mata kanan... sangat comel... kulit putih and ader scar antara pipi dan dagu... dia senyum... aku pown senyum balik... aku tgh dgr katy perry - thinking of you.... lagik.... dia usha sambil senyum - senyum.... aku pown senyum lagik.. and lintas jalan untuk ke stesyen... dia usha agy... senyum agy.... aku senyum and tros jalan masok dalam stesyen LRT Masjid Jamek.... amek tren untuk ke KL Central before taking another train to Setia Jaya....

:)

:D

Have you ever?

2009-02-24T08:44:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt that u just can't give enough to your other half??

Have you ever thought of letting go because you can't do the chores and responsibilities as a good wife?

Have you ever experienced a so-called near death experience that you think will end your life in a blink of an eye?

Have you ever dreamed of starting all over again when you know it is impossible and that you are regretting the things you have done?

Have you ever said things that you don't want to say but at the end of the day wishing that you didn't do what you did?

Have you ever tried to believe in hope but the surrounding was telling you to give up?

Have you ever imagined the feeling of being betrayed?

Have you ever learned anything that at the end of the day you realize that the things you learned are actually useless?

Have you ever loosen up until the moment that you forgot the core of life and love that you built and trusted but it still burns with or without the core - is it the same?

and lastly....

Have you ever lost hope that getting it back is equal to letting go?

...and I cried as I was restlessly trying my best to sleep...

waste time chasing cars....

2009-02-15T23:41:00.000-08:00

This is my latest craving in the net.... Watched most of the videos... He's funny!! and this is one of the videos he did, it is called Douche Nozzle

And it releases my stress BIG TIME!!

hehehe.....

enjoy!

The One Once: A Confession

2009-02-11T21:31:00.000-08:00

I forget about how happy I was when I was in my teen time. People love me. They wanted to be my friends. I was happy when they do that.

I woke this morning at the right side of the bed. Not left but RIGHT side of the bed. I laid there for a few more seconds although my Sony Ericsson Z555i had been snoozing for about 12 times. I took back the path I decided for my life of approaching 24 years old. Some I am really proud of and some I really don't want to remember. I thought about how happy I am to see other people happy. All of the sudden, I felt that I have been straying off too far from my real core - from what I am destined to do. In a blink of an eye, I really wish I can be that person again: The one that puts others before himself.

I realized that I am becoming a colder person. I do things that I know will hurt others. I say things that make lesion bleeds. I give them ideas that persuade them to do things out of their willingness. I did all these and it is not making me happy. I really want to be who I once was. A child who is filled with fantasy, a kid who is easily pleased, a sister who is caring, a daughter who is adorable and proud of herself for things she did for her parents. I am now at the peak of emotions. I am really scared to fall because I have gone way far up - that I may have forgotten how the soil looked like. But, I really want to come down - to where I am really needed. I don't want to stay here and get lost in all of these beautiful stars and auroras. I want the dirty soil as long as I can feel how I felt once.

I took my phone, started to text something in and sent the message to my sisters including my sister in law. I am happy that I took the first step to regain my crown that was once mine.

kite flying

2009-01-26T20:23:00.001-08:00

It was a good morning, it was windy. Just a good start for our kite flying day out. I bought a kite with Naruto print on it and before long, Frank and I were flying kite high in the sky. It was so sweet. He talked about the resemblance of flying kite and our relationship. At that time I was really in love with him!

Save Palestinians!

2009-01-22T04:04:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday, yes it took me almost a week to put up this one due to my crazy schedule this week, my hubby, my mother in-law and I, we went to an event to educate the society about the pain and the hard times our brothers and sisters are facing in Palestine. So we went there casually, me with my Padini jeans and brown polo Padini tee, my mother in-law in white and my hubby in collared t-shirt and jeans. We came slightly later then my mother in-law.

There were many students there who had given their name to voluntarily distribute handouts and pamphlets in chosen areas. The event started with the experience told by two Palestinians and followed by a brief history of the struggle of the two entities and Dr. M officiated the event and performances by Malaysian youths followed.As we were stepping out of the hall, we had a few brochures, pamphlets, a button and a long mafla each.

Today, I wore the mafla to work. I wore my G2000 brown shirt, a GUESS straight skirt and high heels from Nose. So, really early in the morning i had to go to KL to settle some things. I took the bullet. As I was trotting along the way of many stalls and restaurants, a man looked at me, smiled and walked closer to me. He said, Save Palestinians? Hidup Palestine. Everyone watched me.

Spinster!

2009-01-19T17:50:00.000-08:00

"Hello, boleh saya bercakap dengan (pause - 45 seconds, flipping through pages of documents, standing behind Aina since thats where the telephone is stationed, shouldering the phone handle and looked at the fax machine searching for her name. at the very last page of the documents stated there in bold print Cik Harpah and her Number) Cik Harpah?"

"Ya, saya bercakap," she answered soft, almost flirty, as if she was to seduce me.

Spinster! I protested the way she spoke to me - she freaked me out.

"Saya baru faks (pronounced as F-U-C-K-S) Police Investigation Report pasal kereta saya yang hilang tu," The whole office turned slowly and looked at me with that disbelief look on their face. I looked back at them and said "What?"

They laughed. I continued talking to Cik Harpah.

A true inspiration of love

2009-01-16T10:25:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching Mouline Rouge for the 25gazillionth time! And this I have to say: This is what I call inspirational.

Mouline Rouge is a musical love story that dazzles me through the music, songs, expressions and dances. It expresses the real meaning of love. The story line is cliche but the power of a musical can't be easily cast away with a simple brushing off dandruff from your shoulders. We acknowledge the rehearsal, the singing practices, the dance classes and acting coaching - there is nothing greater than acting in a musical. Anyone can read the lines, delivers and expresses them as they should - but incorporating more than that in a play/movie? (I don't think so).

The repetitive theme in the story moves you to fall in love deeper with the clicheness of the story. We know what to expect, but we are glued to the screen waiting for more of this. Why? because it is inspiring; the love across social status, the purity of two hearts in a relationship, the hardship faced by the characters throughout the musical and the theme of true love that wins at the end of the story (kinda - if only Nic Kid didn't die at the end of the musical).

I've got this to tell you, I am easy to be swept off the ground, feet not touching the ground kinda thing. Give this type of movie to me and you'll win my heart. Watch this with me and you'll be accepted in my life. Sing the songs to me and you'll have me all the time. Whisper the sweet quotations from the movie, before sleeping while hugging me, I promise I'll stay with you until my dying days. (So, there you have it: 4 easy steps to secure this princess labeled YOURS)hehehe....

Another musical that has a huge impact towards me is non other than our pride and locally ensambled, Puteri Gunung Ledang: The Musical. As you expected, this is another cliche production - love across social status, the hardship of their relationship - u know the sequence already by now. But, what moves me is the way they make it relevant regardless the time - the songs are not ancient, they are the combination of contemporary traditional, the love songs are mesmerising and the wording, the lyrics are so heart warming. For me (not for Mrs. N though, she walked out half way through using the kids as the main reason of their departure), I think the commercial value of the play makes it watchable repetitively. It is entering the third season and a seperate season was performed in Singapore and i heard that the tickets are running out fast. It is superbly thrilling, the opening, the rising action and the closing are memorable. One thing for sure I am watching this again this time around with the love of my life, to experience the mythical love of the princess and sultan's loyal servant.

Sickness

2009-01-16T02:31:00.000-08:00

2 nights ago I was suffering from an extreme case of running nose. I couldn't sleep. I kept on waking up every 15 minutes just to blow my nose or drink a glass of water or whatever not. The next morning, even though I put on my power suit, I still feel weak and so dull (the opposite of what I really am). Today, the running nose dispersed but a new sickness took place - an extreme case of coughing.

I cough in the bathroom, I cough at the dining table during lunch with my mom(Mrs N gave me a day off) and I even cough when I was on the phone with a few important people. To be heard sick is suck! and to let people know that you are is is even sucker! All they say was take a good care of yourself or don't forget to take your med or an extreme of : "tu laa kerje kuat sangat. Bukannye nak mati besok," (trans: Serves you rite! you work far too hard.). It amuses me, still, that people gave me these sorts of advice which inspire me to do something - to appreciate the people around me.

I realize that at the end of the day, the ones we need are these people. So, what should we do? Create good rapport with each and everyone of them.

So what if he is a pain in the ass, to some extend he can be useful to you. Who knows?

So what if she is an emotional bitch, to some extend she may be able to knock some senses to your head and see things differently.

So what if your brother is as stingy as scrooge, to some extend he may be able to make you think that you need to save up some amount of your salary for your future.

These sickness can't be more of a bless rather than an unfortunate event to me. Now, I realize the reason why, once upon a time, I was such a lovable person.

AWAL

2009-01-15T19:29:00.000-08:00

I picked up the phone - shaking in extreme coldness of the surrounding despite the red eyes, the dry lips and the thirst that's swelling in my body. At the other end of the line, came a voice which I found comfort within it. He spoke in a manner that a friend will always do.

I knew him once upon a time l for about two years before he moved back to an east-coast state where he studied there the rest of his 8 years. We lost contact ever since.

He was 'large' and I was bad. I called him 'fat' everyday. Although we were not in the same session but we share the same staircase everyday - him to get to his third floor class and I was waiting in front of the staircase (as I was a prefect at that time) waiting for him to come up those steps and wait for the right moment to blurt out my evil and gruesome hatred towards him. As I saw his clean-shaved head, I started to talk to anyone (YES, anyone even though I have no IDEA who they were) in front of me saying stuff that revolved on the topic of FATNESS full blast volume level - so that he'd hear me saying things that put me in the top list of an evil prefect. Come to think of it I was very evil when I was small. I targeted 'weak' students and took their name over and over again for offenses they didn't do and got away with it. It was scary to look at how evil I was when I was small.

AWAL was somehow a cheerful person. He laughed a lot and never failed to make me laughed too. The most extreme gesture he did in reacting to my name calling activities will be a soft punch on my arms. And less that I realized I kinda like that. He is clingy, low profile and a good friend too. He helped most of his classmates with mathematics problems and he didn't mind sharing what he knows with others. He'll listen to you when you have something to say and always be true to himself. You see, this is all happened 12 years ago when he was in standard 2 and I was in standard 5.

"Bai, ko ok ke tak nie?"

"Ok laa sikit bai,"

"Falliq dah bagi ko makan ubat dah?"

"Blom agy"

"Makan ubat taw babi,"

"ye la2,"

I hanged up the phone.

its easier to say.....

2009-01-14T01:33:00.000-08:00

People say it is easy. NO its not.

People said that I dont have to be worried. BUT yes, I am worried.

People said that there will be time. YES, Maybe.

People said it is normal. AFTER what I've gone through is it so NORMAL?

People said that it is all about EXPERIENCE. AFTER bad ones...?

People said that SOMETHING are better left alone. BUT if you know MOST of it doesn't it hurt.

People said to take it EASY. NO, love is serious. LOVE is everything to me. SO tell me which part is easy?

AT the end of the day, I am the one here, living it. DO other people THINK of how I FEEL?

I dont wanna it to be easy - because sometimes indirectly it's hard and painful

I dont wanna be worried - so tell me.

I dont want little time with you - I want YOU all to myself.

I dont want it to be normal - because I am NOT.

I dont want to learn it from experience - because they are all dark spots in my memory book.

The truth is I dont wanna know MOST of everything - so everything that I know I tell myself they are all lies.

I dont wanna take it easy - because when I take it easy I feel I dont care for you anymore.

The Things That I am Afraid Of

2009-01-12T23:53:00.001-08:00

1) Changes
2) Last Minute Things
3) Myself

I am really afraid of all of the above!

sometimes they drive me nuts and I can't even sleep preparing myself for all of that. I should be better at handling all of that in due time. But I just wanna ignore them. Let me take my time. Don't force me to or I let them be as I wish.

Something BIG!

2009-01-12T03:47:00.000-08:00

The meeting ended at about 5.30 pm. Mrs. N packed her stuff and left. Soon my mom, Edmund (yes he was there) and Mellisa Mason left the compound too. Adrian was left at home as he has to attend the afternoon school. He is getting funnier every freaking minutes and most of the time I just wouldn't be there because of the workload that I am handling. I turned on my lappie from its slumber mode and sent a few emails. I flipped open my phone (I CROSSed OUT THE PHONE FROM MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTION LIST - SE Z555i). Yup, I crossed it out of the system on the first of January. Now I am working for my car which will be resolve in two or three weeks - talking about starting the year with a bang!

I did what I have to do. Soon enough I was back tracking what I have published in my blog, some reminded me of my hardship and some bring smiles and laughter to me. All of the sudden, I felt hype up to do more in life based on what I have done and soon enough, I know, I will manage to plan for something really BIG!

A New Year with a BANG

2009-01-01T02:58:00.000-08:00

Hey every1! Happy New Year.

Well, obviously, my year began last night with a BANG. A super BANG to be exact. As planned, we (my hubby and I) went to see Anna, our lovely sister in a restaurant not quite far from City Centre Station. As expected people were sardinized in the bullet. Mr Frank came back from his evening class at about 7. We freshened up, changed, switched from train to bus to train again because of the stupid train broke down, and we let three buses went by because they were packed with passengers. Anyways, after all the hard work of cramping myself with other passengers, we managed to reach the station and walk to Avillion.

When we walked to the table booked for us, there were already Anna, Eddie, Emyra and her friend. We hugged, kissed and did the usual stuff and before long we ordered our food, ate it up and soon enough we were counting in unison as midnight approached. And god I swear at that time I missed the surrounding I was in last night. Anyways, we rushed to an opening not in front of Guess and Top Shop boutiques to see the fireworks. I was really excited.

Done with the firewoks, we headed back to our table and soon enough another friend of ours, Suri, came with her boyfriend, Oly, and another friend, Migo. They brought with them a cake to celebrate Suri and Oly's first year anniversary - we cut the cake, consumed it and something happened - Migo drank half a glass of neat Hennessy VSOP in one FUCKING shot! She was gone less than 20 minutes.

After she fell a few times from her chair, laid down on combined chairs and asking for more shots inspired by a few jerks - Eddie included because he's drunk, that was when Anna stood up, took control and god I promise I feel secured seeing her in that condition. She's so protective towards those she cares about. That was a relief to learn. And I know that there will always be someone who will protect me if this sort of thing happens to me. So, she decided to adjourn the gathering by suggesting us to go back with her and an extra baggage - the drunken Migo.

The thing to remember is the car was parked outside the building and hence, the manner of transporting Migo to the car before we get her into another car. She weighed, how should I put this in a politically correct manner, Heavy. So, my strong hubby, Piggy backed her all the way to the car. In the middle of the way when it was our third or fourth stop I think, they take a break, again. she was vomiting and Anna went back to see Eddie to settle the bill. Soon enough she was back with swollen eyes and we resumed our journey of attracting people without failed to look at us. We reached the parking lot, Anna drove the car to where we were and cried and said that she can't drive. So I drove the drunken Migo with Suri at the back.

I drove to their car, with effort of avoiding her moving lifeless hand from the gear, hand break and the door. So it was a bit frantic but its not something new. Reached their car, an older version of Lily (Anna's car), wrestled with Migo for awhile before putting her into the car. Pulled her back out since she wanted to puke, let her rested on the side ways on the grass and I was excited to see the others coming closer. I turned around, I saw Migo was moving a bit and soon enough i watched her, helplessly, rolling down a slope. And I giggled as the rest laughed at my action. There's nothing can be done anymore. She drunk and trust me she couldn't even listen or think about anything at that time. so let her be.

We gathered, Emyra was laughing once in awhile in regards of the experience, Oly was concerned of his girlfriend's best friend. Suri was a bit quiet than the usual. Mr. Frank and Anna took pictures and videos of Migo.Finally, we pushed her in the car as the patrol officers approaching us - we don't wanna make fuss about it and decided to go our seperate ways.

So basically, we help a person from any harm on the first day of the year. And I am proud to be in this. I realized that there are people who take great care of others that are important to them like Anna, Suri and Oly. I learned a new level of friendship and the most important thing, I learned that there are still good people out there like Mr. Frank and Emyra. So don't loose hope!

Happy New Year 2009.

Things I WANT

2008-12-30T19:39:00.000-08:00

1) Get a new car
2) Make sure that I start saving some money (in insurance, fixed acc, or what not)
3) Get a new Phone (erm... I'm targeting Motorola V9, LG Ice Cream, or SE Z555i)
4) Go vacation!
5) Make lotsa money!
6) Be happier with what I have rather than what I dont
7) Make the best out time. Cause I have a limited time off.

A year numbered with combination of 2-0-0-8

2008-12-30T06:24:00.000-08:00

The year has finally come to an end as the new dawn of 2009 approaches, with new visions and spirit as they will eventually faded soon enough.

2008

I'm not blaming the things that happened but I really appreciate the things that happened; they make me stronger everyday. Combination of events that show me the true meaning of life.

The thing is, I don't really like 2008. It is a year of sacrifices for me. I had gone through a lot and some of them I really don't want to repeat them. Its like a paranoia to me and things are getting worse. I let things come and I don't control them anymore. In exchange I let situations control me. It's a new way of adapting to my surrounding. Struggling real hard to at least have a meaning in my everyday life. I want to continue to give as I am giving people around me and sometimes I can feel the heat residing in my both cheeks. I just hope that all of this can be forgotten so that I can move on.

I lost my car. I had to continue study elsewhere so I can earn some money. I let myself down by making other people's day. I gave up my freedom by inviting my mom into the same compound of my working space. I gave up my feelings so that people around me can get what they want. And do people ask me what I want for myself? Think again.

It is not totally a suck year though. I learned a lot of things out of the sacrifices that I have to go through. I learned to never ask for what you want because it will always turned you down - Giving without asking a favor in return.

I reached two year anniversary with Mr Frank. I was the happiest person when the clock stroke 12 on the 18th of August. I am proud of myself for things I've done to stay in this relationship. I am blessed that I can still survive everyday with the love of my love. It is not too much if i say this, I am eager to sacrifice for this love that I am having as I have been through with the greatest test in my life in regards of love. So anything else won't matter after this - yes people, that includes my dreams because I can't answer Anna's question of what do you wanna do for your own self right now and up to now, I don't have the answer yet. So live as life comes. Expect the unexpected. My stories of happiness and sadness are with my lovely sister - Anna.

Anna R is a blessing in my life. I got to know her of about a year ago and ever since we were as close as twins. There are happy times we went through together. She was there all year round. She listened to my heart and soul; all my pains and all my hopes. She is the best thing I have ever had in my life. And working with her is so awesome!

I love my work! I love my job! It's the best thing that I could ever wish for. It keeps me happy even in the deepest and darkest valley. I am hooked up with my works.

Basically it is not that bad. I kinda love it. It means so much to me that I will never forget 2008. NEVER THINK OF GETTING FOR THINGS YOU HAVE GIVEN OR DONE.

The year has finally come to an end as the new dawn of 2009 approaches, with new visions and spirit as they will eventually faded soon enough.

Tuberose

2008-12-26T01:06:00.000-08:00

Mr. Frank knows my obsession towards plants - and specifically tuberose. The smell is amazing especially when night takes it turn as day gives way. Pretty white buds of tuberose from long greenish stalks prettified the natural order of its own in its own way.

People asked me frequently why do I love tuberose so much. I don't know how to answer that. All I can think of is how it is similar to the nature that I was born with. People won't like me until they get to know me - just like tuberose; they can't smell the sweet scent unless they really know them. They are different from other flowers as they only scented during the night. Maybe then, if they have the patience to wait, they appreciate the flower. To others, who has lack of knowledge, they won't even notice that tuberose exists - and they are in great loss.

today, he bought me 4 stalks of tuberose and I was so excited. I mean, the flower represents who I really am. Think again....

Time Ticks Fast

2008-12-26T01:02:00.000-08:00

Before I realized it, Edmund is getting married next year. He's big enough but I can't stop myself from trying to cut down the mixed emotion that is building in. He WILL get married next year. How fast time ticks and that all around me people are changing and So am I. And I take them in as I look at life differently from what I did previously. A process of growing up.

Congratulation to me!

2008-12-25T19:36:00.000-08:00

As I was walking in the dark cinema, I realized something - I am actually doing something good for myself. I am trying hard to stop smoking!The realization occupied my mind and I stepped on a Chinese lady's foot, wobbled I hit the head of a movie patron in the lower seating before stepping on Anna's foot and I sat on my chair in embarrassment covering my face with both palms. And The Spirit was rather dull!

I am trying hard to stop smoking for the second time in my life. I have stopped once, a year before I met Mr. Frank and then of about 7 or 8 months ago the urges were so strong I gave in. I started smoking openly and before I knew it I smoked a lot.

Now, for the past a few weeks, I have decided to stop smoking. Now, people said that, its hard to quite but know this, I am now holding a ciggie box of 10 days with four more ciggies in it. I know its not a big achievement yet, but hey, I am making some sort of improvement here.

So much so, I would like to congratulate myself for that!

Just...

2008-12-24T01:25:00.000-08:00

When he passes me by, he's a ray of light
Like the first drop of sun from the sky
And I know he's a king, who deserves a queen
But i'm not a Queen
And he doesn't see me

When he dances he moves me to a smile
I see everything near his shine
There is a grace in his ways I can't contain
I don't have that grace
So he doesn't see me

And the closer I get I can't help but hide
So ashamed of my body and voice
There are boundaries we pass in spite of the war
But our own, we can't seem to cross

She has a way that surrounds him, so delicate
With a glory that reigns in his life
She is also so much that he is not
But these things they don't see
And he doesn't see me

There are things we can change if we just choose to fight
But the walls of injustice are high

When he passes me by, he's a ray of light
Like the first drop of sun from the sky

And i know hes a king who deserves a queen
Someone other than me
Different from me
He doesn't see me
He doesn't see me

Hehehe...

2008-12-22T18:43:00.000-08:00

Sleepily I dragged my feet out of the bullet, hanged my lappie bag on my shoulder and started to climb the stairs to the ticket machines. I could see a lot of people started to pile up at the ticket machines. Great. I told myself. There was no station officer. So, we were stuck there. I push the intercom - no answer. Passengers were getting really upset and a mak cik of about 56 years old squatted and crawled under the blocker of the machine. And others started to follow. Soon enough you can see a lot of acts of avoiding the steel blocker. you can see people go over the blocker underneath it and the side of it. Mr. Frank went under while I went to the side. He said "You are lucky to have small thighs,".

The Stain just won't go off!

2008-12-19T01:51:00.000-08:00

Imagine this: Tonnes of Invitation has been sent. RSVP's has been recieved. Food has been ordered. As I was writing this down, our staff are working hard in completing the handouts for presentation - a bag consisting a mini proposal, general information of our company, . A hi-tea presentation to be exact. Something that i have been working really hard for. And then, something happened.

3.21 pm received an email:

Pls note this email on the status of yr request for using *&*.

I have not given any official permission or ok on this as per my email to you below as there are many matters to discuss wth my superiors before I can conclude the decision.

Meanwhile, pls also look elsewhere for yr event to be held. TQ.

I started panicking. But I gathered my composure together and proceeded with my on going tasks. Less that I realize, it was 1 hour and 36 minutes later that screwed up my day

4.57 pm received another email that says:

Dear Martha,

Thank you for your interest in our facilities. Unfortunately, we are NOT able to provide the use of our premise as requested. We hope that you are able to secure another venue for this event and we wish you all the best.

I screamed and the whole office dropped everything they were doing turned and looked at me acting like a woman with middle life crisis. I sank in my chair.

And That is Strike Two!

2008-12-18T00:15:00.000-08:00

I was striding with my heels across the bustling south wing of Deep Valley City when I saw a familiar face. She smiled at me waved and I waved back. She is my aunt. She works as a Personal Assistant in an advertising company. She was wearing Giordano red T-shirt covered with a jeans jacket with her loose baggy jeans. She greeted me with a huge smile and we hugged. So, I chatted with her for awhile and soon we said our goodbyes.

With contented heart, I trotted back to where I came from - the bullet station. As I was cautiously avoiding kids, cute boys, parents, grandmas and grandpas, I passed a super cute boy. He stared and my heart beats like the sound of the wheels of a locomotive train. Then, realization stroke! I know that boy, or at least he seems familiar. I tried hard to recollect as I waltzed through the throngs of people.

"I remember him!" I said to myself embarrassed, excited and afraid. I stood still in the rapid flow of crowds, turned around and searched for him. He saw that I turned around smiled and changed direction. He started to fight the rapid flow of people. I started panicking. I moved to the side and stood in front of a clothing store.

I rubbernecked the flow to see where he was. In his journey to me, he pushed a boy away from his path, stood still to give way to an Arab family which spoke so loud that even I can memorize what they were saying and hit a wheelchair of an old lady and fell. He finally stood in front of me. He is a bit taller than I am, hair was covering his right eyes, a faded straight line of scar above his cheekbones and left eyes, neatly shaved, nice smell - I think he wore Pacco Rabbanne (however I spell that) he was wearing a light green Polo T, and a dark-green-almost-black knee length short and a pair of Nike(I don't know the type).

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," half dead already.

"erm, can I Have your number?" He asked.

And what I did?

I walked away.

In the middle of the night...

2008-12-16T12:42:00.000-08:00

I woke up again, in the middle of the night, and I don't like it. I tried hard to sleep but then, they refused to keep shut. I forced myself up, stood by the side of my bed, scratched my bum and walked slowly out of my room. I went straight to the kitchen; my aim was the fridge. I took a bottle of coke, open the cap and took a few gulp down my throat. I put it back and stared at the toilet. Got in, relieved myself and went back to lay quietly on my bed. I just can't do it. I can't sleep.

I flipped open my lappie, sat on my bed, waited for the best creation of human life to run and went online. I clicked the internet button and entered the world without boundaries. I typed out YOUTUBE and searched for Britney Spears (I am a fan, so don't laugh).

Her new album is superb. The music is edgier but safe, the voice is more confident than ever, the songs are well arranged, I mean that's what I think it sounds like. Usually when I am in youtube, I don't browse for the usual clippings or videos. I searched for something I haven't see previously. I typed down womanizer. There are quite a few and some of them are quite lousy. I watched her so-called "live" performance and I have this to say to myself: she works hard for this album and we know that for the first week of the launching of the album, she sold 500k copies already. Isn't that fabulous, which inspires me. She fell from grace big time and now she is back better than what she was. If she can do it why can't I. A normal person who is trying to make it big in her life. I took my time and wrote this entry.

I'm tired...

2008-12-16T05:42:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been pushing myself harder than a few months ago. I went for this meeting, that meeting, more proposals, more planning and god knows what. And as we speak I am listing down the programmes for a very important customer. I need a break. But there are too many things that I am worried about. And to leave the job to someone else? I mean can I? They were not there when I discussed the details of the programmes, leave alone knowing their likes and dislikes. Catering their needs and providing personalized programmes for them are the biggest challenge. Yes, I am tied up to the work that I am doing. It is both pleasuring and agonizing. But I have to do what I have to do, right? I just hope that some people would understand that and respect that and for once make ME happy. Well now, One thing for sure - I am tired.

STOP staring at my B****

2008-12-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I have to admit that there's something going on between me and public transportation. Something must go wrong, embarrassing or funny. I don't really know how all of this happened but that's always the case.

Recently (not so recent though), about a week ago. I took the bullet to work from an agonizing meeting. As usual, there was no empty seat so I had to stand but it wasn't too packed. I rested my back on a glass panel, the bullet's door was on my right. There was a mother with a child opposite of me,one of those immigrant looking. They stood right in front of me before walking out of the bullet at the next station. Once they walked out I took a closer look at my outfit.

I was wearing a short dress; sweet pink, black belt from Vincci and a black Clark's sleek stiletto. I let my wild curl rested on my shoulders. To complete this look, I brought my Gucci handbag and I think, I think I still looked perfect after a stretched meeting about training programmes.

I looked up. A young adult of about 15 or 16 was looking straight at me. That is an understated statement. He was looking at my b****. I made a disgusted look on my face. He just wouldn't stop staring at them. I started to feel uncomfortable. I shifted from side to side but his expressions made me feel harassed - sexually. I thought that was the worst part. No, It wasn't. The other passengers were looking at him looking at me. I started to feel blood rushing to my face and the boy laughed, looking right into my eyes as if he was having a hard on but then it changed to something in between adoration and teenager-in-love kinda look. One thing went through my mind: this kid had never seen b**** before.

Drama, Love and Relationship

2008-12-07T11:04:00.000-08:00

I dreamed of Mr. Frank and I. We were so happy; happier than what we are now. It was beautiful. We hold hands, talk for ages and just sit in a cafe and took in the environment as we ventured from one topic to the other. I can definitely live like that forever (crossed fingers). Which reminds me of our earlier phase of relationship. We spent ages talking about our future: Where are we gonna be in 20 years time, talked about babies, me and my small cottage and huge garden, him with his hands around my waist and sometimes tickled me until tears filled my eyes with unstoppable laughter to name a few.

But the one that I will never ever forget will be tracing his masculine feature on his face using my pointing finger while he's asleep. Sometimes, I would whisper in his ears about things that I can't say right on his face and god knows how relieved I felt when I did that. I love to watch him sleep; his smooth breathing, his childish closed eyes, his lips which are irresistible and his fore head that I kiss while he was sleeping. GOd, I am so in love with this guy.

While I was lying thinking about my dream, I remembered the song we argued about yesterday. The title is: "Drama, Love and Relationship" by babyface. The moment he asked me to listen to the song was when we were recovering from an argument so it affected my liking to the song. I saw it in an emotional way that tuned my mindset for the song as injustice. The word "injustice" mentioned, refer to, well, a person who has done something wrong should not expect that the other party can take it in easily. It's never fair for the other party. Why? This is because the trust has been insulted and to trust again....?

But tonight, I have a different view of the song as I was writing this blog. Its a greater aspect that I couldn't see when I was blinded by anger and frustration. I see it differently now. At the end of the day, it is all about love and relationship. Is it worth it all the fights and questions I asked just to find out that I am actually in a mission to hurt myself by knowing things? Mr. Frank always reminds me that 'the things I don't know won't hurt me'. Still, I let him know every thing I do. why? Because

Number 1: it is called courtesy; with courtesy comes respect for the other party and thus prevent you from doing things that might hurt the relationship,

Number 2: If Mr. Frank finds out about something that I did, said or decided without telling him first, well you know what will happen and

Number 3: It is only fair to tell him my where about, who I am with and when I'll be coming back into his open arms so that he can spare the heartache and worries of him not knowing.

I don't know. But one thing for sure, I like the song actually. If I could face the previous heartache, pain, problems, anger (the list goes on) what makes me think that I can't face a few more?

If you think that is twisted...

2008-12-04T20:47:00.000-08:00

I am going to share a secret with all of you. Now you see, I am not alone in my office - duhh!! of course! I have colleagues - Thats obvious too. To make things interesting one of my colleagues is my mother in law. Yes, you read that right - and that is just the beginning of my secret. She is our Training Manager. Now, that is not the only secret that I have. You see, She has an assistant. The assistant is a very good looking and the kind that melts people's heart easily. He's sweet, adorable and lovable. The only thing that you have to do is to dig all of his characters under his stern looking face. The assistant that I was talking about is my Mr. Frank! Hehehe... Yes, Im working with him too, in the same office!

It doesn't stop there. There are two companies that are residing in the same compound of the office. The other company is a cooperative. So it deals with orphans stuff that I am working some proposals for them. You see, when I handed in any proposal it will be read by the marketing personal of the organization. she then discusses the proposals with her superiors. Now, the person I meant is my sister in law (My brother's wife).

All the decisions will be made by the General Manager of the cooperative. She will decide which programme should be implemented first and think of the business aspects of the programme. She will call me for further explanation. We will discuss about the matter more specific as we go through the proposal. Now the best part of this is that, we can discuss this just about everywhere. In the office, meeting room, Restaurants and even in our living hall. Yes OUR living hall. The GM that I was talking about is my mother. Now how twisted and wicked is that?

A Personal Assisstant

2008-12-04T02:06:00.000-08:00

My days now are more hectic than it used to. There are meetings to attend, discussion to head and decisions to be made. This practically casts out the word "life" in my working days - which is 5 days a week (it really depends though even on saturdays and sundays i have to attend meetings or social visits). It sucks I know...

So I have this vision as I was commuting to city center in the bullet. I looked out of the window where I could see trails of rain on the glass. I was worried. I have to walk to the meeting place and its raining. I pictured me walking, rain... wet... and meeting... Not a so good combination there. The vision was, having a personal assistant for me - the type that caters my needs and schedule and meetings arrangement and all that stuff. If I have one, I will not have to worry much about work stuffs. Everything I need is being served in a platter(maybe not silver, but a platter served is much better than buffet where you have to take food on your own).

Or maybe.... I can make full use of her, by adding a caption in the jobscope of the PA as: To bare in mind not to clash personal events with work related events. This is to make her remind me of my social events like my anniversary, birthdays, shopping weekends and even answering my mom's phone call (can I do that?).

I snorted myself but was a bit panic as I tried to figure out my where being. Phew. The station will the next after this coming station. so, I sat back and looked at my next seat. There is an empty seat next to me. If I have a PA, she/he can sit there. Accompanying me wherever I go. She/he can even eat breakfast/brunch/lunch/tea/dinner/supper with me. We can chat about work. Or, even better about something out of work once in awhile like gossips, bitching around or stories of my private life maybe once a month, or,twice a month, or, weekly basis or every other day... or every day... We can be best friends!

I stood in front of the door of the bullet, eager to get out of the bullet and thinking of how to reach the venue of my appointment on time. I still have 15 minutes but the rain, its getting wilder each minute. I stood at the edge of the pedestrian walk. I took out my phone and remembered that I ran out of credit. It will be wonderful If I have a PA. I will instruct her to postponed the meeting to 330pm instead of 3 pm. I don't have to worry about my credit or maybe I can even let her hold my phone so that whenever the credit is low she can top it up for me.

I smiled to myself. As I was punching the numbers of my client, a car drove by and splashed the accumulating water to my side of the pedestrian walk. I jumped and managed to escaped my so-called "near death experience". If I have a PA, I will definitely asked her/him to jot down the car registration number and sue that fella. She/he can deal with the lawyers and all the neat clerical work for me instead of me doing it by myself.

If I have a PA, it will be so cool.

"But 'If' is a strong word, it can be your friend and it can be your enemy too" I told myself. I survived doing all the work alone all this while, and what makes me think that I can't handle anything in my path next? So, I carved a knowing smile on my face and did the things I need to do. I called the numbers, talked to my client, looked left, right and left again, crossed the road reached the other end, a bus stop to a halt, sending water splashing on my G2000 pants and angrily stomping the pedestrian walk to my client's office. Reached her office, she asked: "Are you wet?"

I rest my case.

Tonight is the night....

2008-12-02T04:07:00.001-08:00

I love Mr Frank. There's no question there. It's him and only him. Even if you lined up cute guys, school boys, hunks from magazine or ranch boys (except for Zac Afron) - none of them will work their magic to my heart. Its a sacred place designed for Mr. Frank Moore. Well 1 thing for sure I will never stop loving him even if I have an Impossible Mission to complete. He will always be that love I remember to the end of my life.

So, I was having tea with my mother in law and we started to share stories of our relationship. And it touched me so bad that I almost cried right there and then. She told me, "Frank cried a lot on the night when he visited me about two years ago. I never saw he cried that much before. And I know then you are so special to him," she took a sip of her latte and continued. "The news of you might have cancer devastated him. and I am glad that he loves you so much," she took another sip of her latte.

"He said that I don't wanna loose her, mom. I love her so much,"

And I realized how important I am to him. Holding back tears as hard as I could.

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind

I won’t live to see another day
I swear its true
Because a man like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

I love you Mr. Frank

I had three dreams! (How cool is that?)

2008-11-24T17:26:00.000-08:00

I laid on our bed, panting. I got cramps after making out with Mr. Frank. It was awesome. Especially when it is the second time for the day. Soon enough, Mr. Frank found me sleeping with soft snoring because I was extremely tired.

I had a dream last night. Three dreams altogether. They were not related but they surely seems real. For the first two dreams bring great joy to me and the third one, I mean, who knows. Dreams are just dreams right?

1) The guy from school.

So, to start with the first one, I should fill you in a bit about it. There was this guy in my high school long time ago who I was really keen on. He is tall, fair,Asian look and kinda well built body. He was a prefect in our school. So he was a hot stuff back then (I don't know what happened to him nowadays).

So I dreamed I went out with him yesterday and buying some house stuff in IKEA as if we are an item. He was wearing a white polo T and a baggy jeans and I was wearing my wild curls, essential make ups, a boot cut jeans and a tiny white t-shirt. We bought a beauty black lamp shades, mirrors, and some fabric products - I don't know what they were. After buying stuff, we walked to a restaurant and dine there. We talked about things and life, somethings that I can't share here (hehehe). He paid the bills and as we were walking out of the restaurant, he whispered to me, "trust me,". A smile on his face and some sort of flame in his eyes that I can feel in my soul and that was when I lost it all - He reached out his palm and gestured to me to take it with a really cute face. I didn't think twice and replied his invitation by reaching his palm and he secured my palm in his.

I woke up. Looked around, and felt guilty that I dreamed that. Mr. Frank was lying well in his slumber next to me. I hugged him.

2)My ex-students and a fishing trip.

I went back to sleep. Before long, I was in a place where a river was flowing beautifully in front of me, the river went from green to the sweetest blue I have ever seen as I trailed it to the bottom of the mountain at the far end. Suddenly, I heard familiar voices. One that reminded me of my teaching days. One that I left of about 1 year ago. They were all there. I mean the whole class was there. I noticed earlier that I had a bag with me. They were all calling me and asked me to join them by the river, doing something I love the most, FISHING! I grabbed my bag (as if I know I was equipped with a fishing rod) took out my fishing rod and put some bait and started to reel my rod. It went straight into the green water. Before long, I felt a bite on it and soon enough I was reeling it in as hard as I could. This is when my students laughed at me, my rod broke and the fish got away - at least that was what I thought. Well I thought wrong. The broken rod floated on the river and it settled not far from where I was standing. I chased it quietly and grabbed the rod and pull it out of water. The fish were unable to fight anymore. I was the happiest person there.

I woke up. a smile on my face for the great fish I caught - in my dream.

3) He wouldn't do that

I dreamed of Mr. Frank. He was SMSing someone but the weirdest part of it he didn't tell me who was it from. I could hear what he texted as he read it outloud. I felt left out. The words he used, was the like when he first wooing me. It broke my heart into pieces with the promises he uttered to the other person and I cried.

I woke up and felt that he was hugging me. I didn't know why I cried. It was just a dream, I told myself. He would have told me if he texted people. So, I went back to sleep.

The things i like to do

2008-11-19T04:49:00.000-08:00

I hate the way I am now. I am self centered. I am the biggest liar on earth and most importantly I do not deserve what I have now. Like other people, I have my strengths and weaknesses. I am ordinary, there is nothing so extraordinary about me. I am a daughter, I am a sister and I am the lover. But I am never the same person I was once upon a time. The one that I always want to be.

I want to be the one that helps people all the time. Like when my neighbor needed a hand to help her with rearranging furniture, like that time when i have to baby sit my cousins when the mother is in the hospital. When my friends needed some money. But now, I can't do all of those things again. I am way to far from what I was.

The most painful fact will be I promised my dad that I will never changed. I know he loved me for who I am. Not so much of what I wanted to be. But what I was. I really really wish that I could turn back time.

The one for me

2008-11-18T22:30:00.000-08:00

I was sitting alone with my sister in law, Mellisa Mason, and Mr. Frank left us after paying the bill(I like the sound of that).We chatted a bit before she said something that kept a smile in my heart the whole day. I was speechless at first but regained my cool back and handled the conversation smoothly.

"You are so lucky," She said.

"And why is that?" I asked. She turned and pointed to Mr. Frank as he walked to get into the bullet station. "Owh," I replied in surprise.

"He is a hearthrob. Many girls would die to get into your shoes,"

With that, I smiled. I can't ignore the fact that he is a good looking man, to be chosen as his wife, THAT sent me to the moon. I looked into her eyes and said "Well, He is a sweetie pie," before I continued with "I don't know how am I going to deal with living without him," I said my piece with a new feeling of adoration and got up to continue my unfinished task back in the office... with a huge smile on my face and in my heart - the whole day through.

I dropped my phone

2008-11-17T02:24:00.000-08:00

I was standing in line, waiting for my turn, gossiping with my beloved hubby, Mr. Frank Moore via sms while he sat to reserve the table. It was about the waitress behind the counter of my line in KFC, Trafalgar Station. I was so into my texting when I looked around and almost stuck my nose on a lady behind me. Hence, I dropped the phone.

It was just like in the movie when the camera was following my rusty phone was falling down, in frame. It bounced once, twice and the third time it landed on a man's left foot two rows to my right. And everyone was watching me. I could even hear the crickets playing the violins.

The man picked it up, passed to the person in between us and that middle age woman passed it to me, from hand to hand. I could feel blood occupying each and every vessels in my face under my skin. I instantly knew that I was blushing. It will even embarrassing if Mr. Frank saw what had happened.

Slowly, but gracefully turned around, being very careful to not to stuck my nose on the lady behind me. Peeped over her large head and saw that Mr. Frank was happily texting my sister, Anna. I was relief that he didn't notice what had happened. As I turned around the waitress behind the counter was ready to take my order and she giggled as I jumped watching me and my antics.

Songs

2008-11-10T05:17:00.001-08:00

I love to sing songs in the total opposite of what they are. I have no reasons for this. I just settled on the thoughts that I want people to hear what I sing and relate to what I want.

PD get away!

2008-11-10T01:36:00.000-08:00

It was sunny and windy on the last day of our training in PD. The weather was rather soothing and the beach was authentically beautiful. The waves were crashing the shore like music complemented by the chirping sound of the morning sea birds. The sun was rising behind the hill which sheltered the resort that we are in. It was perfect.

It would be even better if Mr. Frank Moore could be here. I don't mind paying an extra amount of money for a room for the two of us. I imagined that we would make love until the sun rise and right then, I missed him so much.

I hammered a stick into the sandy beach of PD. A stick at each end and then I pulled the caution tape from one end to the other. It performed a line. It curved as the soothing but mighty wind blew the tape. I snorted to myself. I hammered in more sticks and at the end of 30 minutes, I have 4 curved lines. I giggled. I went to see my colleagues for the next-things-to-do task. The participants came in groups.

The Telematch went on smoothly. The winner was an exceptional group of liars - Venus, but we did have tremendous fun by the beach! And I really wish that Mr. Frank Moore was here. After the prize giving ceremony, we packed, had our lunch and headed back to our headquarter. I love the beach and I really wish that he could be there with me.

Pain

2008-11-03T21:30:00.000-08:00

I pulled up my sleeves up to my elbow, trying hard to concentrate on the work that i have to finish before our training begins on Thursday. I fold the sleeves nicely, pulling up my slim cut neck tie up looking appropriate and put down my Gucci glasses on the table next to my lappie, wiped sweat using the back of my palm and looked at the screen again. The bruises on my arms are getting better but the pain in my veins and my joints are getting worse.My eyes were filled with clear substance resulted from trying my best to look calm. I wiped them off.

I started typing. I want to get over and done with these works and go home. I said to myself. The pain was unbearable. I forced myself to think and type more words into the proposal. I pulled away my hands from the keyboard and thought for awhile. I recollected why I am in this painful situation. I saw the reason why I did this and smile at the screen of my lappie and soon enough the pain subsided. There is nothing more I want then to do this to make it happen and please my own fantasy. If this is the price I have to pay than I'll pay it as I Should.

what happened to my dreams?

2008-10-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

I was all alone, scared and petrified in my seat. I took off my glasses, put it down next to my make-up bag and inhaled as deep as I could. I looked at my screen. There were 7 windows at the bottom of the screen. I opened one after the other. I am getting used to the fact that there are many things to be done. This project, that project another project in December and my marketing plan throughout the year of 2009. I stopped scanning, looking at the progress of each work. I am proud of myself to be in this position. I am reaching others' dreams.

I pictured my mom in my head. What a disappointment I have been to her. Its not that I wanted it but, situation was kinda tough. I had to work and at the same time be around her whenever she needs me and fullfiling her dreams for me, which sometimes I just can't do it for her. Its not that I am complaining or anything. Its just that, sometimes it makes me wonder how about what I need, what I want and how I feel. She is the reason why I am working my ass off. And I am really afraid that with the job I have given her, can she cope with it? Yea, people always tell her how good I dress up for ocassions and work. Others might think that I dress myself nicely and thus relating that I shop a lot. But the truth is, I went shopping when I have Extra money and when there is a sale going on. The rest of the salary fritz into thin air and sometimes I don't even have the chance to taste it. For one time in life, I just want to shop like nobody's business and spend the money as I may. But I realized, that won't happen in the near future.

I slid the picture of my mom from my head and replaced that with my brother, Edmund Moore. Questions rushed my head. Can u really take care of your future fiance'? Can you really survive the world. I know the fact that you are a survivor - one that is stronger than I am. But, to get married so soon? I am starting to admire Melissa Mason's company and to love her like my own sister... I am really afraid that if this doesn't work out good than it's going to break my heart to. I am planning to save a few hundreds per months to be given to Edmund to help him with raising money to get married. But, My greatest fear is to see him sad and grumpy and angry. I want him the way he was before Baba passed away. Someone that is cheerful and capable to make other people laugh like there is no tomorrow. I miss him so much.

I put the picture of Edmund in my head and replaced it with the picture of Adrian Moore with my eyes closed. He's so small that he doesn't know what is happening. He is vulnerable to the real world and I don't know how to deal with that. I might not be able to be there for him all the time. so does everyone. I just hope he matures a bit faster that he can take care of himself. I love to buy him toys. I love to spoil him with sweets and books and most importantly with laughter and love. I just can't promise him that I can take care of him until the end of time. I can't. And it hurts to hear people say that I don't love him. The fact is, I love him more than I love my dreams that I shattered most of them to give him what I could.

I love Mr. Frank Moore, undeniably. But what if, what if my time is over that I have to move on? I don't want to go, at least not yet. I have plans for us. But now I am not sure that I can execute the plans because I am not sure of the plans myself. He knows how I hate unexpected things and that I hate changes. One thing for sure, without a single doubt, I am going to be here next to him until the last breathe of mine. I have loved him unconditionally and I hope I will love him still in the future to come. There is nothing more I want to do just to be with you - even if that means giving up my dreams.

Enlightenment

2008-10-28T00:49:00.000-07:00

I waved at the taxi, fished inside my lappie bag, a taxi stop to a halt in front of the taxi stand, I opened the door, slid in, closed the door and continued fishing in my lappie bag. Where the hell is my fisherman's friend?" I asked myself.

"Where are we heading mam?" said the taxi driver.

I was about to snort, but then pushed aside the idea of it, said my apologies, and stated that I need to go to the nearest Bullet Station. He pressed the meter button and drove off.

He constantly looked into his rear view mirror - which spooked me. Suddenly, I remembered something; fight fire with fire I stared back at him. He looked and tried to say something. I was engaged in finding my fisherman's friend. Finally, I decided to stop searching, sink into the comfy seat and looked outside the window and... got a questioned from the taxi driver.

"So, you are trying to make it go away,"he said.

"Desperately!"I uttered, half shouting.

"Sometimes, things change and you have to accept the fact that they are changing," He added.

"Well, I am extremely afraid of changes. Its not that I can't adapt. I adapt wonderfully in various situation. But, I am afraid if situations are changing me," I explained.

"Well, you know what they say, you have to loose some to win some," He said with a broad smile on his face. He continued "Another thing is, sometimes we are conditioned to a certain way of life, we forget that there are others out there who are totally different from our belief. And sometimes, I think, we need to listen to them so that we will have an insight of what to come and sometimes the best way to deal with changes is to leave them at the beginning of it so you wont get hurt," he said.

"Nothing is inevitable," I said slowly.

"Exactly. And you,you are strong enough to move forward if you believe in what you do best," He said, pulling off at the bullet station. I handed him 10 bugs note, he refused the fare politely and I staggered as I climbed down from the taxi.

I saw my friend, Martin, and talked to him for awhile. He said that he has been waiting for a taxi and I said to him that he missed one, a good one. But he said that he has been waiting for a taxi for about fifteen minutes and that I am still funny after all of these years. He snorted and I left him to wait for the taxi as I confusedly walking to buy the ticket of the bullet thinking, I rode a taxi just now.

The months to come...

2008-10-23T00:15:00.000-07:00

i flipped open my lappie, sat down, took off my new Gucci Sunglasses and pressed the on button of the lappie. I stood up, walked to the water dispenser and poured in some cold water in my mug. I drank it all at once after making sure that nobody's watching. and filled it full again and trotted to my room, sat down and the lappie's screen was still black. I was starting to panicked. I pressed the button again. It ceased to switch on. I look at the button... I smiled... and literally said 'idiot' to myself. Hehehe. I pressed the wrong button.

I am extremely happy as I calculated my new salary for the next few months. By the end of November I will get a 100 percent raise. And by January I will have another raise of 50 percent of the amount that I will have in December. Hehehe... All of the sudden, pictures of new dresses, pants, vests and shirts that I saw in a magazine came to mind. I was excited, extremely excited that i didn't realize that Mrs. N was standing right next to me.

"Are you staring at a blank screen?" She asked.

"Gucci, Miss60, Topshop, LV," I uttered.

"Excuse me," she said in a concern tone.

"I am sorry," I said, apologetically and embarrassed at the same time.

"You should give yourself night out or what not, don't you think so?"

"I have a lot of things to be done," I replied. Amused at the thought that I haven't switched the lappie on.

"Yeah, I figured," she continued. "Maybe I can find you an assistant,"

I smiled at her, and snorted a bit as she walked back to her office.

I love my job.

Absolutely busy..

2008-10-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

I breathe in, a bit, looking at the screen of my lappie, happy but exhausted, stretched a little, closed my eyes, an flipped it open again. It was amazingly demanding in finding money - more money. I stretched a bit more, pushing the back of my chair - lost my balance and staggered, almost fell i regain my composure, looked around and thankful that nobody's watching. I giggled alone as I sat on the chair. Hehehe. I giggled again and again.

I lowered the screen as I sat there. I thought about Mr. Frank, I pity him for his small birthday celebration. I really want to make him happy. I do. But...

"MARTHA!" came like thunder the voice of Mrs. N. I got up, straighten my body hugging shirt from Padini, buttoned my vest from AX, and walked out of my room. Strolled across the office and entered Mrs. N room. She was busy typing with eyes locked on the lappie's screen.

"Sit," She said.

"Yup," I replied.

"Is everything ready for the initiation meeting tonight?" She asked. I know where this led to.

"As far as I am concerned, yes," I said, I sounded more confident than when I was first here.

"can u explain this?" she handed me the registration form.

"what's wrong with it?" she shifted her attention from the screen straight into my eyes.

"tell me, how can we contact them?" She started to sound like an agent in "The Bourne Identity"

Shit

Wait... Thats not part of my job scope. I smiled, looked at her in the eyes, and shifted my attention to the board behind her.

"Mrs. N, I want you to turn around and take a good look at the board," She did exactly that.

"SUE!!!!!" she yelled. And the princess left the building smiling from ear to ear - a short lived one, because she still has to finish up her script as the MC for tonight. hahaha.

Touched

2008-10-12T09:34:00.000-07:00

I read 2 blogs just now. Each touched me so deep that tears were shed. I was lying on my bed browsing the net in my pink silk pj and watching the latest super hot video from BRITNEY SPEARS entitled WOMANIZER in youtube.com. It struck me that after reading the first blog, that one way or another, I always leave an impact to everyone that I know. Mr. Frank always agrees with me on that - well, it can be that he wants me to feel special, I don't know.

But back to the first blog; http://whenelse.blogspot.com. I just can't stop blaming myself for being a jerk that is now a problem to one of my closest friends. I took some facial tissue by the side of my bed and slowly directing it to my face and wiped off tears on my cheeks. I'm sorry pumpkin for troubling you with my relationship problems.

I read her entry entitled 'EDDIE', it's amazingly sweet. When you read the words, you can actually feel the love that she has for him. It is refreshing to feel that kind of emotion. I really want to feel that too. I am trying hard to cast out the new infatuation that I have before it begins to rule my life. So, tough time.

The second blog taught me of what true love means. Through this address http://whowillwebecome.blogspot.com I read and inferred about how true love works and at the same time to carry on living the life that you have to the fullest.

These two blogs made me cry and they were really really meaningful to me, especially in times like this.

What the HELL...

2008-10-12T01:43:00.000-07:00

I went back from my in-law's house. Taking the train back to my place after having 17 students from Mr. Frank's school. I switched from train to bullet at Trafalgar Square Station. With much temptation I ignored City Centre Station bottling all the emotion I had inside and decided to continue with the bullet. I wonder whether or not the guy who I gave my card to will do something about it. I closed my eyes and heard the bullet resumed its routine.

A walk to remember

2008-09-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

So, someone stole my car and its hard now for me to commute from one place to another. I just received my bonus and I was planning to take Mr. Frank out and about. I know the two don't make a good combination, so I decided to wait until later that evening. While we were checking out my balance in the account I was extremely excited to find out that my cheque was cleared. With this in mind I suggested Mr. Frank one of our favourite past times - dining at Mc Donald. So, without hesitation, we started to walk the sidewalk to the nearby Mc Donald. We talked about a lot of things while we were walking there. We talked about our highlights of the day as if it has been ages we haven't met.

The truth is, I miss living with him or in a more precise manner of explaining this will be: I miss to have him around all the time. Eversince I landed myself the new job, I have been busy to pace up with the new routine and the new world that I have just entered. Being an Executive in Marketing and Bussiness Development really is a hard work. I have to learn to think on my own and to actually plan the progression of the company is a huge responsibility on my shoulder. Soon enough the company will be having one of its many expansion plan. With this in mind I will have to be extremely fit to face both seen an unseen challenges. somehow or rather it scares me when it comes to changes.

After our dinner at Mc Donald, we walked towards a shopping mall which was 10 minutes walk. Mr. Frank accompanied me to look for new phone and my heart sank at the sight of Motorola Razr V9. Its sleek, professional and looks complicated, in which represent who I am. I will soon get it within three months time - thats my new objective in this game called life.

As we were walking back to the house, thoughts were running through my head as my unconcious mind reverted to the matter of work - again. I am really afraid of the thought that I can't handle the changes. What if I change into someone I dont want to be. What if Mr. Frank and I are not meant to be for each other. And what if this is just a dream I longed to wake up only to realize that this is just a beginning. I am afraid that I wont be able to be an angel all the time, as I took another step forward, almost reaching home. I said to myself, "many years from now, I shall remember this moment and I know instantly that this event will be a walk to remember," My fears and uncertainties follow me as I close the door of my apartment behind me.

The bullet...

2008-09-15T17:47:00.000-07:00

It was 716am and I was among the lined up passengers at Stockshore Station waiting for my turn to get into the bullet. As usual, we - the passengers, stood patiently looking at the front most passengers get into limited space of the bullet and held their breath to tug their tummy inward so they wont be rejected by the bullet. And, of course, I smiled to the thought of that.

Well, the line behind me lengthen rapidly from the past minute. There was a middle-aged woman behind me and a cute bloke behind her and an asian lady holding a cup of coffee sealed to perfection to ensure that it was safe for boarding. As I studied the rest of the line, I realized that there were many men in my line and that it would definitely be awkward in the sardined bullet. My mind was running wild thinking of appointments today as I was reaching closer to the one of many mouths of the bullet.

Today, I decided to wear my pumps with pure silver rings from Guess - its black by the way. A knee-length, sleek looking skirt and a black shirt to go with that. I did my hair using a white hair band, tied it with a simple bow at the back of my hair and let my curls loose with the extras of the hairband reached the top of my skirt. I put on my Britney Spears' "Believe" to essentuate my morning as motivation. My lappie bag was safe as I guarded it at the pit of my elbow - it was heavy though, good as a form of an exercise for my hands. The speaker announced the arrival of my bullet in a few minutes and I was ready to crashed the bullet.

The bullet finally arrived. As the door opened for me, I gasped. It was filled with men. As I squeezed in I knew that the others behind me managed to sardinized themselves into the bullet, including the cute guy and the asian lady. The hungry mouth of the bullet consumed the eager and ever so willing passengers and sped off. When the squeezing took place I managed to turned and saw the whole scenario behind me. I was just standing behind the middle-aged lady and the cute bloke was now right next to me. The asian lady was exactly in front of him - holding the sealed polysterine cup.

As the bullet halt to a stop to another station, more passengers pushed and rushed into the bullet until the middle aged lady stepped on my shoes. I couldn't move so I said "You are stepping on my shoes," politely with a smile. She didn't even looked at me. I repeated myself, this time around a little louder. She did not make any effort to lift her old ballerinas from my highly pumps. My toes were beginning to ache. I couldnt take it anymore. So I tapped her shoulder and this time I blurted out my pain from my toes and spoke it out - loud enough to attract attention of the passengers of the neighbouring carriages. "Excuse me, but I think YOU are standing on my left foot!" I said. She looked at me, and then, she put her palms together, looked at me and look at my shoes. She stepped away from my foot and then she shaked her hands, apologizing I guessed. Then she pointed to her ears and then shake her hands. Less that I know, she is deaft and dumb. I heard giggles around me and I heard the loudest laugh from the cute bloke next to me. I was agitated as the bullet resumed its journey.

As the bullet reached Trafalgar Square Station, the crowd was even more than other station. The cute bloke irritated me through glances and snorts and smiles. The building in crowd left us bump to bump and hump to hump with each other. The rushing people pushed and pushed until the door shut and the bullet roared to the next station. My station was soon to come and so I was happy to get out of this mess. When I said mess it means mess and I left the bullet with a broad smile on my face.

The cute bloke, was bathed in coffee as the crowd pushed and the lady accidentally pushed against his white with pink shirt.

One hell of a day...

2008-09-14T00:38:00.000-07:00

So, I drove my boss (which I shall not reveal her name here or she will start to ask for some amount of money - so lets stick to Ms N for her) to the head office of Airports Holding Limited before shooting off to make a few visitations to a few police stations for a few reports. Then i went to pick Mr Frank Moore and then both of us went to pick my boss' son from boarding school. what a tiring day....

And someone stole her car

2008-09-11T18:06:00.000-07:00

Mr Frank Moore woke me up with a broad smile on his handsome face. I tried to open my eyes but i just couldn't. He tickled me and I laughed. He was ready to leave for work and he always kisses me before he goes to work. Hehehe. He took my car key - he told me that he will be using my car today. it will be a half an hour drive from our home to his school - yes, he is a teacher.

We exchanged goodbye and "love you" and he left. I grabbed my towel and went to the bathroom and showered. It was quite cold today so I didn't take too much time in the bathroom and wiped off my body dry. I walked to the hair drier and as i was just switching it on, my phone rang. the number identification showed Pa...Luv2 so i picked up the phone.

"Honey, err... i know this is silly, but, where did you park the car?" he said, shaky and almost panic.
"Common area, behind the car park podium," I said.
"I think the car is not here," he replied, sounding more dramatic from just now.
"What do you mean, its not there?" I replied.
"Its NOT here!" he said sounding more and more impatient.
"I'm coming down," I rushed into my room put on a shirt and walked out of my walk-in closet. I turned back in, grabbed my black tights and put it on as I half-hopping and half-walking to the front door. In my mind, all i can think is what a series of bad luck this week... and someone stole my car.

The Phone Call

2008-09-10T20:55:00.000-07:00

The phone call that i received left me sitting at the edge of my bed - comforter around my tiny body feeling the chill from the inside out and staring into the mirror that watches me sleep every night. I understand the fact that i have to focus on the most important thing in my life now- MY OWN SELF. It took me sometimes to realize that although Mr. Frank Moore kept on whining about it since we got married 2 years ago. Well, i guess god has to teach me that the hard way. I looked at the bed, empty. Turned back to the mirror and sighed.

I stood up walk to the door, grabbed my towel and felt something inside me. It grew so slowly after I put down the receiver. But, it became more vivid as the clock ticked. I became more sure that the feeling was what i thought it was. I smiled and walked to the bathroom. with each step, my smile grew wider. once I closed the door of the bathroom behind me, I was more than certain that a burden was lifted off my shoulder. I am happy.

Oversized

2008-09-09T01:01:00.001-07:00

So it was a fine Tuesday morning when i walked out of my apartment and waved for taxi. There goes one, passing me with a stern looking passenger looking out of the window which scared me to death. But that didn't stop me to wave again, and a taxi changed lanes almost hitting another car. Then the car honked at the taxi and they ended up at the side walk wrestling on the ground. I waved again, this time i looked at my hand up to my fingers... and i went wide eyed.

I turned to the entrance of my apartment, snorted to the bell boy, ran to the lift with my black high-cut boots, pressed the buttoned for a millionth time, braved the out coming passengers like a fish going against the powerful current and sighed as I pressed the button of my floor - 1oth floor. I adjusted my bra only to realize that there is a man at the corner of the lift. I wondered if he noticed what I just did. Slowly, i turned around to look at that guy, red faced and smiled. He smiled back with this "I-saw-what-you-did" kinda look and I abruptly turned. The door opened and I rushed out.

I started walking away from the cubicle of embarrassment and heard the elevator closed. I sped up with the thought of getting into the meeting room fashionably late with class. I mean, I'm wearing my Jimmy Choo's high cut boots and would someone tell me how the hell is that not coming fashionably late WITH CLASS. Then i heard footsteps behind me. I tried to glimpse but i could not make out the figure. I fasten my trot, and reach the door of my apartment. I tried to push in the key but it wont go in. To my fear, the figure that was following me touched my shoulder. I screamed.

Welcome...

2008-09-08T17:25:00.001-07:00

Let me tell you a little secret: this is my channel to distress after a long tiring day at work and of course running chores as an obedient housewife and all the duties listed with it. So, what to expect from this? Lies, angers, frustration and discontentment, and so you guess. But the moment you step into my life through my blog, you will view my life differently as you realize that I am more than just a name. As it goes on, you'll see the many colours of me, in which tells you about who I really am and things around me and situations I face.

Most of the entries are fiction added but not so much so that it alters the real situation. One thing i would like to remind you is that, living is hard. Adding imagination and creativity on these reflections of mine will make me feel better and be ready as the new sun as it shines.

The title of this entry is so much so not to welcome others, instead, it actually welcomes me as I turn a new page of my life. One that will record all my experiences like others. What makes it different? That's because I am Ms Martha Moore.